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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner work trip - 37 weeks pregnant

19 replies

babythreeincoming · 25/11/2023 10:34

DP has a work trip to America for a week in February when I'll be 37 weeks pregnant with baby 3. Our second son was born at 38 weeks (induced so may not happen again) although I do have history of high blood pressure with my pregnancies so could be a possibility if BP spikes.

We live in Scotland and of course I don't want him to miss out, although I'm not sure if it's a sensible decision him going.

Would you say go or stay?

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 25/11/2023 10:38

Is it an important work trip or more of a jolly?
I don't think I'd be too happy about it to be honest.

Overthebow · 25/11/2023 10:42

I would t like this at full term. He wouldn’t be within easy reach if coming home if you need it.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 25/11/2023 10:43

I would tell him to prioritise the trip if it is important for his job honestly. Its all well saying 'you won't get these moment back' and all that but being financially secure is worth more to me. Both dp and I lost our jobs within 4 months of each other when I was pregnant and it was so stressful, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Original poster
babythreeincoming · 25/11/2023 10:44

@rainbowstardrops Not client related and definitely more of a jolly! They do it every January to kick off the year.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 25/11/2023 10:46

babythreeincoming · 25/11/2023 10:44

@rainbowstardrops Not client related and definitely more of a jolly! They do it every January to kick off the year.

Absolutely NOT then!!!! I'd hope he'd realise that all by himself to be honest!

Deathbyfluffy · 25/11/2023 10:48

I’d say this was pretty irresponsible - I used to travel for work and when my ex DP was pregnant I stopped going away at about 32 weeks.

MrsMarzetti · 25/11/2023 11:15

God no, what on earth is he thinking? What plans has he made for your children to be looked after if you go in to labour ? None, no doubt. What a selfish twat, only cares about himself and stuff his heavily pregnant wife and children.

Munchyseeds2 · 25/11/2023 11:15

I would be asking him not to go this year - but he should have already worked out its not a good idea!

Mycatmax · 25/11/2023 11:17

Nope.

Not if it’s a jolly, he shouldn’t be going.

Pippylongstock · 25/11/2023 11:18

Wow I can’t believe he is making you do the emotional labour of pointing out what a stupid idea this is. Of course he needs to miss it this year. Is he always this insensitive?

UnRavellingFast · 25/11/2023 11:24

Oof- if it’s a jolly as you say it is, then leave it to him to work it out. If he’s that stupid to want to go in these circs, how much respect do you actually have for him?

Whataretheodds · 25/11/2023 11:25

Is he asking you to decide? If so I'd turn it back on him: what does he think is the more appropriate thing to do? What are the risks and what does he think he should do about them?

Plumful · 25/11/2023 11:34

Why is this even a discussion? Your husband should have just said no, I can’t.

Original poster
babythreeincoming · 25/11/2023 18:00

Thanks everyone. I think deep down he knows it's not the right thing to do, although keeps prodding when he can 🙈

I wasn't sure if I was being that unreasonable partner but glad I'm not!

OP posts:
FlyingHighFlyingLow · 25/11/2023 18:37

Depends on what it is. Since its a jolly it would be a no. However I know a few that did need to go away as it was important. One poor friends DH had an important professional exam process (held very infrequently), several hours away when she was 39 weeks - living in Manchester, exam in London. Very long exam, obviously no phones allowed.

Off he drove day before, not so much as a twinge. Arrived, next morning texted he's on his way in so phone going off now, friend is still fine, wishes him luck. Comes out of his exam several hours later to a picture of his newborn 😅. Turns out she gives birth quickly!

All others made it home in time though!

BIossomtoes · 25/11/2023 18:43

Pippylongstock · 25/11/2023 11:18

Wow I can’t believe he is making you do the emotional labour of pointing out what a stupid idea this is. Of course he needs to miss it this year. Is he always this insensitive?

There’s not much emotional labour involved in saying “Don’t be ridiculous, it would be lunacy for you to go!”.

ChekhovsMum · 25/11/2023 19:01

It’s the fact that he can’t think of it for himself. It’s not hours and hours of work, no, but in a way he’s expecting her to have put in more research and understanding of how pregnancy works (ie you are pretty likely to give birth from 37 weeks onwards, and a woman in labour who has a child already at home can’t deal with the situation alone), while he just sits there going ‘I wonder whether I should go or not…’
She shouldn’t have to think/explain this for him.

JC89 · 25/11/2023 19:04

Not unless it's really important (sounds like it's really not ...)! Even if baby doesn't come early you don't know how you will feel so far along, I'm 38 weeks with DC2 and the pelvic pain is definitely worse this time around... He should be available for childcare!

BIossomtoes · 25/11/2023 19:07

ChekhovsMum · 25/11/2023 19:01

It’s the fact that he can’t think of it for himself. It’s not hours and hours of work, no, but in a way he’s expecting her to have put in more research and understanding of how pregnancy works (ie you are pretty likely to give birth from 37 weeks onwards, and a woman in labour who has a child already at home can’t deal with the situation alone), while he just sits there going ‘I wonder whether I should go or not…’
She shouldn’t have to think/explain this for him.

You’re really overthinking this. It’s a straightforward gut reaction that he shouldn’t go and it takes a very few words to express what a rubbish idea it is.

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