To think DH should do all bedtimes with 3 year old at the moment?

[lilethset]

Our just turned 3 year old is going through a super clingy stage with me at the moment. I tend to put him to bed every night and read him a story, have cuddles then it's a kiss and goodnight.

Before the last few weeks he used to go to sleep by himself very well once book and cuddles were finished. However just recently he's started getting out of bed and standing at his door screaming for me.

This can go on for ages, I'll go up, settle him back down with another hug and kiss and then as soon as I leave the room he'll get out of bed and cry for me again (always mummy, never daddy).

We have noticed that if after a few to and fros of this, his dad goes up and settles him instead, he stops and then doesn't get up anymore.

I think DH should start being the one to go up now every time if DS gets out of bed until he's back in the habit of getting off to sleep by himself again. When I go up I feel like it's a case of getting what he's crying for, which is me, and therefore he'll keep doing it because mummy keeps coming back. Only when this doesn't work and he gets daddy instead does he stop bothering.

DH thinks I need to keep doing it so he gets used to me leaving.

I also hate it because it makes me feel really mean. I settle him back down and as soon as I get back up to leave he starts again.

Also as selfish as it sounds I know when I try I'll be up and down for ages. When DH does it, it takes one time and it's done!

I'm aware this makes it sounds like an argument over who gets to not comfort our child!! But it's genuinely not, we are just both unsure as to the best way of dealing with it. I think DH is best doing it as it seems to solve the issue, he thinks I should so DS knows even if I come up it's still bed time.

Soooo... WWYD?

Personally, I'd see this as a sign your little one is going through something and I'd stay with him until he's asleep! Why make him suffer? He's got his whole adult life to go to sleep feeling alone and sad.

I did initially start doing this but he's a pretty light sleeper so I'd sit with him for sometimes an hour and then the minute I crept out it would be starting all over again.

He's never left, as soon as he gets out of bed and cries we're back up there and giving cuddles.

Take turns

I think you should try what you said about your DH doing it. If he won't settle for him then obviously somethings up but I think your DH should at least try and see if it makes a difference. I've got a 14mo who will only go to sleep for me but if he would for his dad I'd be making him do it tbh

There's no right answer, but you can take it in turns.

Also, so there's no resentment, whilst one person is settling the child, the other can do chores, like washing up/ironing/putting clothes away/putting the bins out etc.

At least then when you do finally get to sit down, you do it together and in a tidy house, rather than resentful that the other person has had a relaxing evening whilst you've been parenting.

If he is fine to sleep for your DH let him do it for a while.

Really? He's 3 he's not going through anything except normal 3 year old pushing boundaries behaviour. OP give yourself a break - yes DH should be doing all the settling at the moment whilst this phase passes.

I’d definitely get DH to do it!

When ours have gone through a clingy stage and only want me we have deliberately stepped up DH time. He does as many bedtimes as manageable with his shifts and does special time with them where he is 1-1 and playing. This seems to help break the clingy cycle! But in your case I would defo get DH to settle for a bit

I’ve worn the t-shirt you now have. DH took over.

My Dh would do it, or I would say sweetly that I will remember that the next time something is much easier for me than you that that’s irrelevant and you should do it to get better at it. This would cover a vast swathe of things in our house and Dh would regret it very quickly.

I'd get DH to do it.

There's no value in trying to get him 'used to you leaving' at night, when he's tired.

There's a lot of value in him going off to sleep happily and you enjoying your evening.

This. Don’t overthink it OP. If he settles with DH , then send DH up until he gets into a better routine again. This is 100% what I would do. No point sustaining the drama for the sake of it.

I would do whatever works best, until it doesn't anymore. In this instance what currently works best is DH.

Just put him in your bed

So the OP has to go to bed at the same time as a three year old?

We had this. DH took over and did bedtimes, and all get ups at night. Within two weeks she was crying for daddy in the night and I weirdly found that a bit upsetting! But then she did start sleeping much better.

Yes Dad should do it. And you should go out a couple of evenings to a gym class/drink with friends so mummy isn’t an option

Once he's asleep, OP goes back downstairs.

I’d go up a couple of times to reassure him I’m there, give a quick cuddle & tuck back in to bed, then send in DH if it continues.

If he's less upset when dad does bedtime, let dad do bedtime 🤷🏼‍♀️

If say DH. if I go up to the twins in the night, who are four, I get stuck. Dad doesn't do he does up until our bedtime and I do through the night

I find it's learned behaviour. So I'd absolutely get DH to do it, hopefully it makes bedtime quicker. Opposite in my home as when DH does it there's much more faffing around and it takes twice as long!