to wonder what I've said wrong?

[TinyTRex]

Hi all
Long time lurker here.
Have a prob I'd appreciate other viewpoints on.
My sis and I don't have the closest relationship - but I thought things were pretty good, now I feel like it's all going tits up!
We were discussing Christmas presents and she said she had no idea what to get for her oldest who's late teens.
I suggested an original vintage gift - then immediately looked on the web and found that they are 150 quid. Eek. Mention to this to her and said perhaps we could all club together as a joint present.
She went completely nuts and told me not to bother getting anything at all, to "save my money" and that she would never ask money from me for a gift for my DD.
I apologized.
Was I being unreasonable? It was just an idea!

sounds like she thought the present would be from you, but you expected her to contribute.

It sounds a good idea to me , but then I would t have reacted like that and would rather my DD had something she actually would want / appreciate than something she didn't want ( if that makes sense)
Your sister is being unreasonable, but I'm sure others will come on and say that she isn't
If you don't get on that well anyway this just sounds like one of those things that won't be easily resolved and cause friction :(
Families can be such hard going at times
I hope you can sort it out op.

I asked her if she'd like to - as I wouldn't usually spend £150 on one gift - and my other sis could've come in too. Obviously I was wrong.

We aren't as close as we used to be. And as time goes by I realize how different we are and it does make me sad :(

Even if that was her interpretation, responding by 'going nuts' is weird.

A 'No, I'd rather we all got her something separate' would have been the normal response.

So was she offended that you thought she wouldn't pay £150 for her child OP?

I am not sure what you were apologizing for

I think it's possibly crossed wires. Maybe she originally thought you were offering to buy it yourself, and then thought she was being asked to subsidise the cost, as well as buying her own present for her DD on top.

If this is what she thought you said, then I could understand her not being very keen. But there was no need for such a reaction.

I'm not sure what I was apologizing for either - but I had obviously offended her. I'm always the first to say sorry. Just to keep the peace.

I interpreted it the other way. She was wondering what she should buy for her DC. You suggested something and then effectively said "But that's probably too much for you to afford so let's all chip in and make it joint". Damaging her pride by implying she wouldn't want/be able to buy something for her own DC for Xmas and also implying that you certainly wouldn't be spending anything like that on her child.

I could be barking up the wrong tree though.

That's what I picked up from this.