Which would you choose?

[Lottie4]

I'm having a moan really and know I have to suck it up, but just wondering which option everyone else would prefer. DH always think I'm being unreasonable when neither really work for me.

Option 1: Have BIL & family here for xmas get together. I always do extra, but BIL and his wife have massive appetites. BIL eats very quickly and has literally eaten more than his fair share before we've finished helping ourselves. He then has to sit there while everyone else eats and I feel mean there's hardly anything left for seconds. We're also catering foodwise more than for other visitors, and it's hard work.

Option 2: Go to theirs. Loads of lovely food, at least three cooked choices, always cooked veg, choice of potatoes, salads, breads. Downfall, they rarely have the heating on, have an option conservatory which they use for dining. More than once we've seen our breath while there, that's how cold it is. I take my slippers and layer up, but we are stone cold at the end of the visit. DH has had for heating to be put on, they don't have a thermostat so set boiler to 2 and the radiators are luke warm.

Option 1. BIL is an adult who has already eaten more than his fair share he'll survive.

Being that cold would ruin Christmas for me. Can you host and ask them to bring a dish or two with them?

Option 1 and make more food. Depends on your relationship with them. My brother as a big eater I'd just cater more and let him take whatever. But if I didn't have as good of a relationship would I feel a bit put out by that? Probably. I wouldnt sit there cold, ever.

Option 1 and do extra food.

I have been in the Option 2 situation with family where we stayed over for a couple of days and I wore two pairs of trousers, three jumpers and several pairs of socks at the same time. DH asked them to put heating on more, which they did occasionally, but radiators were luke warm and there was snow and frost outside. We never stayed with them again in Winter. It was the most miserable Christmas of my enire life.

Option 1 but do more food. Being cold is miserable at Christmas but so is not enough food.

Option 2 - say you have a medical ondition that requires you to keep warm, bring a hot water bottle, or a small plug in heater

Option 1 but make more food. My husband is a big eater and we currently have guests staying with us that have smaller appetites. The wife barely eats at all. Not convinced at all the wife doesn't have an ED due to her obsession with portion sizes and her constant, mean comments on how much we eat. Despite repeatedly saying everyone is different and my husband is ridiculously physically active, she doesn't get it. Unfortunately our friend's relationship to food is fast affecting our relationship with her. Make loads of extra veg, stuffing and roasties. Not super expensive in the great scheme of Christmas and better than being frozen!!

Option 1. I don't think it's that hard to have plenty of food.

Option 1 BUT plate up everyone's first helping in the kitchen and serve it all at once. That way you know everyone has had enough first time round.
If anyone wants seconds they can help themselves.
Gravy can obviously go on the table (keep enough in reserve for seconds).
There are some people, who cannot take a normal-sized helping, if given everything in dishes etc.
Also, this might make your BIL sit and wait whilst normal-rate eaters finish their meal.
I am like you and find it hard to enjoy a communal meal (or any other kind) if I am freezing cold.

Option 1. Make more food. Keep it off the table so it can be brought out once everyone has finished their first helping.

Option 1 and cook more.

You know how much you normally cook and how much they eat. Just increase the amount of what's there already or buy a couple of large extra sides.

I couldn't be doing with the other option...I can't bear being cold at the best of times, never mind Xmas Day. Being in the conservatory is no excuse. We have our Xmas dinner in our conservatory as it's the only room that will comforably fit 14...but we have a couple of extra plug in heaters just for that room so those plus normal central heating and even the conservatory is toasty.

I'm as careful with energy costs as anyone but Xmas Day when you've invited guests over is not the day to have one eye on the gas bill!

Option 2 for me. But that’s because my house was chuffing freezing for years till we got round to reinsulating the roof, so I can cope with cold. Visitors used to whinge and sit in their coats though, so I know that plenty of people do not cope with cold.

Also I don’t like cooking, so I’ll always go with someone else doing the catering if I have that option.

Horses for courses.

Thanks for your replies. They came to us last year, so really their turn to host but I can't stand thought of being so cold (our heating is set at 18c so we're not extravagant ourselves).

Half of me can't face having to cook so much either and it's the cost. DD and DH helped last year, making rustic bread and dips and an extra dessert - nothing left. Last time we were at theirs, a whole gammon and two large veggie meals were consumed - they eat all the gammon as we didn't want any. Genuinely nice people, but don't look forward meals with them.

Thinking about it, I'm tempted to tell them I'm cutting back on food this year and they need to bring something, then just do the amount I'd prepare for other guests.

You’ve obviously got very different ideas about hosting and that’s fine, but it might be worth realising that they probably have a similar conversation when it’s their turn to come to you. ‘Lottie and her family are lovely and we have a good time, but we either have to go to her house, where it’s boiling hot and we get six roast potatoes between eight of us, or her coming to ours, but judging us for how much we’re eating’. Neither family is going to enjoy their Christmas dinner when you eat together.

Perhaps it’s time to switch it up a bit and do something less formal on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day instead, where you can suggest an informal buffet and sit in a warmer room? Your only other options are to buy twice as much food as you normally would, or take a plug in heater with you and tell them you can’t cope with the cold. Or both families stay at home, which is what I’d want to be doing in your scenario.

So they make enough food for everyone but you don't? That's really poor hosting on your part you know what they eat. Maybe their appetites are big because they burn it all keeping warm!

Potatoes, stuffing and veg are cheap just make more. You can carve the meat last and bring it in with you (keeping some in reserve).

Option 1. How big can anyone’s appetite really be? Cater for them as if they were each two people, unless you’re buying wagyu fillet and truffles then it really can’t be that expensive to do a couple of extra portions. Ask them to bring desserts. They sound generous hosts with food themselves, it would be a poor show to try and restrict their food at yours.

Neither!

If you absolutely have to then option 1 with your DH doing more. It sounds like money is an issue, tell them they need to contribute. Christmas should be enjoyable got all of you not your running around doing most of it and having to worry about money when there’s a way to ease those things.