To be a bit sad ds is rejecting me

[Spaceanddinos]

For two and a half years DS only really wanted me. Then I had a baby and that changed. I know it’s normal and to be expected and I suppose it’s good DH is forced to do a bit more! But he doesn’t want me to read his stories at bedtime (except once he’s sent me packing he then wants me to read him a story) he sometimes cries for daddy when he’s upset, he just doesn’t really seem to want me to do anything for him if DH is there, it’s ’no Mummy, DADDY do it!’

I know … normal. But it does make me sad.

Our experience (DSs are 11 and 7) is that this swings backwards and forwards over time. It isn’t even settled now who DS1 will want in moments of high emotion. Don’t fret over it, just see it as your DC having two wonderful adults they trust!

Thanks @DelurkingAJ , that’s really nice to know. I am pleased and I welcome their relationship. It’s just sometimes I do feel rejected and pushed away and it’s hard not to feel a bit sad.

Don't categorise this as "rejection" it is not. Your DS loves you. He is so secure in his love for you and a deep knowledge of your love for him thar he knows he can act like this and not lose one iota of your love. Sucking up to the less-present parent and demanding to maximise time and attention with daddy is certainly normal but it doesn't mean he loves him more.

Keep telling DS you love him, with absolutely zero whininess about how his demands for daddy make you feel. It's not about you. Keep reinforcing the security and constancy of your love. That's what will give him wings eventually.

Yup, it definitely goes in phases. We've had this too. Just be thick skinned/don't read too much into it at this stage.

Oh I do @YireosDodeAver . It means I get the worst of both worlds though but I suppose that’s a mothers lot 😂 And he still runs to me with his face lit up when he’s been at nursery and he does love me. I know he does. Thanks ☺️

I remember feeling like that with my DS when DD was born. My husband did seem to become his number 1 parent for a while. It didn't help that DDs unsettled period, when she just wanted to be latched on to me coincided with DS bedtime.
It went on for about a month or so, then I'd sit in his room at bedtime for the story, even if DD was still latched on! And me and DH would both read stories. Bedtimes became a family affair with all of us in his room for story time, eventually DD would get into his bed for story time. And that continued until he was about 8! Just ask DH to take the baby out of the room at the end, so you can still tuck your DS in and give him his goodnight kiss.

How old is the new baby?

My first son was exactly the same when I had my second baby (eldest was 3.5 years) and it was so, so upsetting. I was regularly in tears as DS1 wanted nothing to do with me and told me he only wanted his daddy or his childminder. I was heartbroken.

It only started when the new baby was about 1 month old (maybe the novelty had worn off) and it lasted for about 3 months. It was incredibly difficult.

I just made sure I had some one-on-one time with my eldest every day. We would usually go for a 20-30 minute walk together so we were completely away from the baby and I think that really helped.

It was very upsetting so you have my sympathy OP.

@Fionaville thanks, similar here. What’s been happening is they both have a bath. I get the baby out first and into her babygro and so on. Then DS turn. He wants daddy to dry him, put him in his pyjamas and do the stories. I’m sent packing so I go downstairs with fretful baby, feed her and she nods off. Then I am summoned back upstairs as DS has decided he wants me after all!

Thanks @SheIsStuck23 , 4 months. It’s really hard isn’t it? I’ve been trying to have one to one time with DS but the frustrating thing is he often refuses especially because anyone who could take the baby for a bit is someone DS also loves!

Give it a few months, then you'll be flavour of the month again with DH being rejected. Just enjoy this easy bit for you before you get the continual "mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy!"

He is 2. He doesn’t have the capacity to reject anyone consciously yet.

Having two who constantly want you and not daddy is exhausting so although you may feel a bit upset DS wants Daddy, try and see it as a good thing for now. Mine both want me for everything and it’s frustrating for both me and DH (he’s a very hands on Dad and has looked after both 2 days a week on his own since they were born whilst I’ve been at work. It hard when he’s trying to put one to bed and they just keep shouting ‘I want Mummy’ whilst I’m trying to sort the other one out or they both want to sit on me at the same time.

DS will swing back to you.

Been through this with both my boys, they always come back to mummy in the end, especially when they get sick. He'll probably swing back and forth with who's his favourite for a good few years yet. It'll be your turn soon. My 5 year old is like my bloody shadow at the moment but a year ago it was all daddy, daddy daddy 🤦🤷‍♀️ I miss those days xx

Kids tend to swing back and forth over who they prefer, it wouid upset me as well (I’m a single mum so don’t have it here!) but it really is normal behaviour and it’s good for them to spend time together, I was a nanny for a long time and every child I looked after went through patches of preferring one parent