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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum snubbing me

11 replies

Eminybob · 23/11/2023 19:17

I know I'm not BU but need a rant.

My mum lives in another country, we don't see each other from one year to the next, but I grew up close to her until I was around 20.

We have other distant family that live near me. They are actually my dad's family from his first marriage, my mum was second marriage and he is now remarried again. To give context as to the relationship. We did not grow up together nor did they have a particularly close relationship with my mum before she divorced my dad.

My niece from that side of the family is getting married tomorrow around an hour and a half from where I live. I was invited but could not make it. I knew muy mum was going.

Anyway, it transpired she arrived yesterday, 2 full days before the wedding, to an airport which is 20 minutes from my house, and did not tell me or make any plans to try to meet me. And it was my youngest son's birthday yesterday!

AIBU to feel hurt that she has travelled all this way to see distant relatives and made no effort to see her daughter or grandchildren?
I'm gutted. Actually, I haven't seen her since summer 22.
She has form for being selfish and narcissistic to be fair so I shouldn't be surprised.

OP posts:
Eminybob · 23/11/2023 19:24

BTW we can't go to the wedding as the DC have school and DH and I have work.

I knew she was coming but thought she was flying in and out just for the wedding, and I assumed a different airport closer to the venue.

OP posts:
OkImListening · 23/11/2023 19:34

I would be extremely hurt by this.

Eminybob · 23/11/2023 19:36

I think I have surprised myself with how hurt I am.

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KaylaDetmer · 23/11/2023 19:52

That is appalling I'm not sure I could get over that to be honest especially as it was her grandchild's birthday.

letsgojo · 23/11/2023 20:00

You have every right to be upset, I'd be fuming!

Hippodogamus · 23/11/2023 20:18

I don’t know why some mothers do this stuff. Mine is the same.

They moved miles away so we rarely see them and when we do it’s me that has to drive all the way there and back, it’s exhausting. Yet they they have someone else they can stay with near to us (I don’t have space unfortunately) but when they do they literally only pop in for 1/2 an hour - like we’re a total afterthought.

It’s been like this my whole life. I’m quite detached from her now, as if she’s dead - It’s sad.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/11/2023 20:19

That’s very hurtful. Will you mention it or not?

Mikki77 · 23/11/2023 20:28

What an awful way to act. I would be so hurt. She should be coming to the wedding early to spend some time with you and the grandchildren.
At least you know where you stand with her. Her loss.

Eminybob · 23/11/2023 20:40

Good to know I'm not BU.

I did express suprise on the phone to her today that she had not come to see us.
She said she just wanted to get to the hotel and get settled. 2 full days before the wedding.

OP posts:
Eminybob · 23/11/2023 20:45

She knows I'm upset my tone would have given it away. I'm not good at hiding my annoyance 🤣

OP posts:
Eminybob · 23/11/2023 20:47

Hippodogamus · 23/11/2023 20:18

I don’t know why some mothers do this stuff. Mine is the same.

They moved miles away so we rarely see them and when we do it’s me that has to drive all the way there and back, it’s exhausting. Yet they they have someone else they can stay with near to us (I don’t have space unfortunately) but when they do they literally only pop in for 1/2 an hour - like we’re a total afterthought.

It’s been like this my whole life. I’m quite detached from her now, as if she’s dead - It’s sad.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds so familiar to my mum.

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