My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. We are in our 30s and met online. The relationship started with a couple of instances where I felt he was being deceitful. I'm still with him because he told me that his mother used to lash out physically so he lies as a defence mechanism. I grew up with a similar person. I understand.
The first photo he sent me was from almost 10 years ago. He never mentioned his 4 stone weight gain. I was a bit taken aback when we first met face to face but we got on well so I let that slide.
He also lied to me about where he lives. His excuse was so that I wouldn't be put off by the distance between our homes, but his actual location is only 45 minutes away from me and not that different from the false one. He went as far as faking a house move and pretended he'd just moved into his old house... I found this out by sheer luck and he gave me the aforementioned excuse when called out, which didn't make any sense.
I do know for a fact that he wasn't married or anything like that. Since the rocky start he's been nothing but amazing. I met absolutely everyone in his family. With one issue, hence my post... At the beginning of our relationship we texted day and night non-stop. About 2 months in, he started replying to me infrequently. He'd disappear over an hour at times.
I never expect him to message me during work hours or if he's meeting a friend. But it bothers me when he's at home and not busy, yet still disappears. All I need is him telling me that he can't text as he's busy, instead of just not replying. It definitely kills the conversation as well when he takes an hour to reply to a simple text.
I was married for 7 years previously and had another long term relationship beforehand. I never remember feeling this anxious when I didn't hear back from my exes. I also have a good life outside of this relationship (hobbies, friends, my job etc.) so it's not that I have too much time in my hands to start worrying about simple things.
I asked my therapist whether this was because I had an anxious attachment style, and he said that I might be more anxiously attached as a default BUT not to forget about his previous behaviour/lies that might've caused the lack of trust in me towards him.
AIBU for getting this anxious when I don't hear back from him? Perhaps I don't fully trust him still but then it makes me think that this relationship is doomed... I love him so much. If I AM unreasonable, how can I stop being so anxious?