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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think life might be better like this, or is the grass not actually greener and life as a parent is just like this?

14 replies

Museings · 23/11/2023 14:41

38, single parent to dc (4). His dad left me and has been with the same woman ever since, when ds was 18 months. He lives several hours away but does see ds now and then but he’s not a factor in where I live as I’m only looking to move 60 miles max from where I currently am, so a drop in the ocean to the already 4 hour drive.

Anyway, I panicked and moved to my hometown when ds was 2. I felt so scared and so alone. I bought the only house for sale in the small village (midlands), and it’s lovely but it’s a bit bigger than we need and I desperately miss the city. Where we live is very safe, friendly, mostly elderly people, it’s got low crime and is just a ‘nice’ place.

AIBU to think the grass is greener? I keep looking at the outskirts of Nottingham, Sheffield, Leeds etc and wondering if life would be better closer to a city. But I have a four year old to think about who has a very settled and quiet life here. I am not sure what I’m asking really. Just feel confused and conflicted. If it was just me I would move in a second for all the larger shops closer by, the theatres, the busy places, the coffee shops… I miss it all. Is it fair to drag a child into a suburb when they have a very secure life where they are? I feel like life is passing me by and I just go back and forth to nursery and work from home (have no option as so remote!) and then go to bed ready to do it again. Am I being selfish and deluded? Maybe this is just being a parent?

OP posts:
persisted · 23/11/2023 14:48

Why do you think the child won't like the suburb? plenty of other children do perfectly well there.
I grew up somewhere tiny where nothing was happening and hated it. They need you to be happy as that has the biggest impact.

TurquoiseHexagonSun · 23/11/2023 14:51

If it was me I'd be staying put, I'm someone who needs a lot of stability in my life though.

Original poster
Museings · 23/11/2023 14:52

persisted · 23/11/2023 14:48

Why do you think the child won't like the suburb? plenty of other children do perfectly well there.
I grew up somewhere tiny where nothing was happening and hated it. They need you to be happy as that has the biggest impact.

@persisted anywhere closer to a Curt us generally less safe than a nice village. It’s just how it is. I agree on the boredom point and maybe it would be a positive for him to move.

OP posts:
GloomySkies · 23/11/2023 14:55

As a single parent with a small child, do you think you'll get to make use if theatres etc? Or will you be doing the same old daily routine, but in a smaller, more expensive house, wishing you were back in your village?

SylvieLaufeydottir · 23/11/2023 14:58

You're not contemplating moving your child to Skid Row or even the inner city, you're talking about moving to a suburb. Just do it!! They will cope fine, and the older they get the less amusement, even at primary age, they will get from a tiny village.

Do it now so they can stay in a primary school in your new location.

Carriemac · 23/11/2023 15:01

Move to a suburb such as west Bridgford south Nottingham and make some single mum friends and join the nice gym so your little one can socialise while you excercise rent for a while if you're not sure

Fairyliz · 23/11/2023 15:02

Can you write a list of the pros and cons of each area? I sometimes think decisions are easier to make if you see it written down.
Try and be totally truthful after all you are the only person who will see it.

Conkersinautumn · 23/11/2023 15:05

I'm not sure a city would be different. If you're missing out on stuff it's most likely to be because you've a 4 year old and are restricted. Do you have any friends in the cities you're thinking about? It seems like random choices.

Naptrappedmummy · 23/11/2023 15:10

No advice but I’m in the same position (wanting to move my primary school DC from a small nice little town to a city because that’s where my heart is and I’m desperately homesick) so hanging about to hear others views

Original poster
Museings · 23/11/2023 15:23

GloomySkies · 23/11/2023 14:55

As a single parent with a small child, do you think you'll get to make use if theatres etc? Or will you be doing the same old daily routine, but in a smaller, more expensive house, wishing you were back in your village?

@GloomySkies i think this is exactly the crucial question

OP posts:
Original poster
Museings · 23/11/2023 15:23

Naptrappedmummy · 23/11/2023 15:10

No advice but I’m in the same position (wanting to move my primary school DC from a small nice little town to a city because that’s where my heart is and I’m desperately homesick) so hanging about to hear others views

@Naptrappedmummy it’s so hard isn’t it!

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 23/11/2023 15:24

Do you have family in your home town?

Original poster
Museings · 23/11/2023 15:25

@Fairyliz thanks, great idea I will do this tonight! I think the main thing is I feel very alone here, but also like in living in a goldfish bowl at the same time! I know that’s village life though and I wonder if my yearning is also for the pre child days. It’s hard to tell

OP posts:
Original poster
Museings · 23/11/2023 15:26

@megletthesecond they are around 20 mins away. If I moved they would be around an hour away. We do see them once a week but no help with childcare etc so that’s not a consideration

OP posts:
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