Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a school mums one.....sorry

37 replies

Whatashittyweek · 23/11/2023 12:19

posting for traffic

I have twin girls who are in reception. As a bit of background they were in a different school for nursery, but we got our 1st choice of Primary (amazingly) so we made the tough but ultimately right decision to move them. The girls are thriving, have made lots of friends and generally very happy.

But I don't have the same easy relationship with the mums at drop off or pick up. I used to chat with a lot of the mums at the previous school. I'm on the whatsapp group chat. There are lots of little groups that chat together and then I'm just stood on my own. I do try to make eye contact and smile etc but nothing seems to work.

I am a bit of an older mum, I'm 43 and a lot of the others are quite a bit younger.

Any tips - or should I just shrug my shoulders and say meh who gives a shit anyway??

OP posts:
Jellycats4life · 23/11/2023 13:28

I don’t think the problem is that you arrived from a different nursery setting. People are either open to meeting new people in the playground or they’re not.

I remember when my eldest started Reception. The mums were all pleasant and open to chat with anyone. That is, until a hierarchy formed and the cliquey mums closed ranks 😄

Seven years later they were still doing their performative thing on social media about how lucky they were to meet such a wonderful group of women, who lifted each other up through good and bad (pass the bucket!)

I’m the same age as you and have also felt noticeably older than some of the mums in my younger child’s class. They’re early 30s and I have a decade on them.

Anyway, shrug your shoulders and try not to give a shit.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 23/11/2023 13:33

Why was it a tough decision to move your DC to your first choice of primary school at the end of nursery school?

misses point entirely

Here’s a tip to tide you through to secondary school: school is a place where children go to be educated and build their own community. It’s not a place for grown women to socialise. Keep that front and centre, and your interactions with other parents will grow organically.

stayathomer · 23/11/2023 13:33

Join in op and if they’re rude they’re rude, if they’re related, old classmates whatever and they have certain things they talk to each other then fine too. I remember sitting at a pt meeting and suddenly realising about eight of one of my son’s class were related in some way and most of the parents had actually gone to that school!!! I chat to some, enjoy standing watching the kids running out too x

Poudretteite · 23/11/2023 13:34

Go to school events and birthday parties - that's where you'll get to know people

Dogcatmousecat · 23/11/2023 13:34

Bluevelvetsofa · 23/11/2023 12:21

The last sentence!

This !

DeathbyJedi · 23/11/2023 13:36

Just don't give a shit. My son is 6 and I'm very popular with his mates as they always come and say hello, but their mums? Naaahhh

SerafinasGoose · 23/11/2023 13:41

Bluevelvetsofa · 23/11/2023 12:21

The last sentence!

The first poster has it.

I go to drop my kid off and pick him up. Whilst I'll willingly chat to anyone, and will smile and say hello whether I know the person or not, I'm not there to make friends and am just as happy standing on my own.

I pick up once a week and drop off three times, for 5-10 minutes per journey. That's the sum total of the head space this takes up. Try not to worry about it, they are likely not deliberately snubbing you. And if they are, who wants to associate with them in the first place?

SparkyBlue · 23/11/2023 13:43

It's still early in the year. I remember when DC1 started school at Halloween I was thinking I'll never not feel awkward but honestly it does get better HOWEVER I've three DC and honestly I do think you can be lucky or unlucky with the group of parents from your child's class. You might just be unlucky where many children in the class are younger siblings and the parents are all friendly already or may know each other going back years from their own schooldays or work together or don't speak much English or whatever. I've had different experiences with all my DC.

welovetv · 23/11/2023 13:51

Find out who your child's friends are, then write some invites for play dates or asking to meet up, including your phone number, and ask the teacher to put the notes in the bags. I've met a few people this year that way, and my son just started in reception. I'm never short of people to talk to on the playground (although I will pretty much talk to anyone tbf). 🤷🏻‍♀️

FilthyforFirth · 23/11/2023 13:53

I would definitely arrange a playdate. Given your kids are reception, the parents are likely to stay the whole time anyway, so you can get to know a few a bit better.

No one here did drop and run playdates in YR. I still stay now but that's because I have become really good friends with some of the mums so like to have my own time for a chat!

SallyWD · 23/11/2023 14:23

I felt much better when I stopped putting pressure on myself to make friends with the other mums. I was there to get my children, that's it. Don't get me wrong. I do chat to people now and then. I always smile. I did end up making friends with a couple of the mums which is lovely. But when my first child started at school I put so much pressure on myself to be friends with everyone and felt like a huge failure when I didn't. When my second started I removed all that pressure and just thought "If it happens great, if not, so be it".

Didimum · 23/11/2023 14:54

Arrange one on one play dates to get to know them personally. Drop in on the group chat when you are headed to the park or soft play if anyone would like to join you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page