What do you do when random old men just start lecturing you?

[Wildo]

Have a builder in to do some work. Talking to him is painful as he just bemoans the modern world - emails are pointless, back in my day we just used paperwork etc. Goes into REALLY long explanations that are a complete tangent on boring building regulations - health and safety gone mad blah blah. Am I just supposed to go along??

I smile and nod.

If he is good at what you have asked him to do, just put up with it, it won't go on forever though it may seem like it...

I know that the plural of anecdote isn't data etc, but I am mortified to say that as a fifty eight year old I have started doing this. I do try and check myself, but the odd piece of unsolicited advice does slip out. So I apologise to all my patient advisees.

I never used to do this. I suspect it is age, but if you do want to continue banging the ageism drum it might be because I have retired and have too much time on my hands. But if I had to pick one, I would say it was my age.

This is definitely true. They feel the need to either “help” us or give us the benefit of their great wisdom.
I wouldn’t be rude in your situation OP but I wouldn’t smile and nod either. I don’t want people like this thinking I agree with them or I’m enjoying the conversation. I just do a tight lipped Hm and busy myself in another room.
You don’t have to be rude or challenge him, and I get that he’s in your house, but you don’t owe him conversation.

I’m 30 and a professional. This bloke literally explained how insurance works to me the other day. For 20mins. I restructured one of the biggest insurance firms in the US last year. And have also had Aviva as a client!

What are the chances he's deliberately trying to bore you to death so you'll leave him in peace to go about his work? 😛

Tradespeople are constantly bemoaning customers who "hover" and/or supervise.

I just use stock phrases for people like this, polite but non engaging, I very rarely agree with what they say but have zero interest in debating with them

I'm 62 ... 'back in my day'-ing is of necessity a phenomenon of older people.
Personally I wouldn't put up with much moaning about emails as I was an early adopter and they're my main form of communication!

Anyway, op, there's no need to put up with a long irrelevant lecture. Just tell him 'sorry, I've got some stuff I need to deal with now'. Or offer him another brew.

The man who services our boiler is in his 30's. He's great at his job, but we genuinely have to brace ourselves for his annual visit. He just never shuts up. My husband (who actually is an old man) went out for the morning because he couldn't face another diatribe.

I don't think it's just 'old men' @Wildo My 58 y.o. cousin has rented (social housing) for 30 years, and now lives in a neat little bungalow with her DH, costing £380 a month rent. Around 2 years ago, she was lectured by the gas man (who was doing a routine safety check,) and he was only about 38!

He told her that she and her husband (who was at work at the time,) was 'stupid' for renting, and 'buying is the way to go.' Why pay someone else's mortgage he asked. (It's council so no-one's mortgage is being paid.) 🙄 Also, property is an investment, she will have nothing to leave her kids, she has no security, it's character building buying a house, it's what 'grown-ups' do.

I would have told him to back off and stay out of my business because he knows sod-all about my life, but she is timid and just sat there listening. However, she was still thinking 'well we have one child only who is loaded and has a 5 bed detached house, so doesn't need our little bungalow worth £110K, and also we may need to go into care and the house would be sold for that anyway, and also the rent will be paid if me and my husband are ever long term sick or unemployed, and also we never have to pay for any repairs or maintenance. New heating system, new boiler, new roof, new electrics, new kitchen, new bathroom, new windows and doors, new fence etc etc etc.... all covered. And total security as it's a tenancy for life.

As he blathered on, he said his wife had received a £90,000 inheritance 2 years before, that they had used as a deposit on their £145,000 3 bed semi. Yeah very 'character-building' and 'grown up' buying a house when two thirds of the house value is given to you!

Absolute twat.

Cross post! That's fucking hilarious! 😆 I wonder if it's the same 'gas man' as the one my cousin had??? Same job, same age. What does he blather on about to you??

Oh no I’m not a hoverer. I’m a hide in the room and pretend to not exist type person. Hate people in my house.

Just needed to show the man around the house as there is a list of jobs to do.

"Pop it in an email and I can find some time to read and respond. Thanks. Must dash. Busy, busy, busy".

Women are support humans to him. You're not doing this job properly 😁

There's a beautiful scene in the 'The Change' on Channel 4 where Linda, a woman drinking alone in a pub, takes a random intruding man to task about his random intrusion. I can't find the clip now but basically she makes the point that women aren't there for his entertainment and his time isn't more valuable than hers so he should just leave her alone.

It's wonderful and I'd really like the learn the scene off by heart so I can use it in real-life.

I don't think it's an 'older person' thing. As I and another poster said, the ones we know are in their 30s! Also, I am 50-ish and look it, and I go out with short sleeves quite often - whether it's 8 degrees C or 18 degrees C - as I am menopausal and always hot.

Sometimes I get lectured by someone (usually a woman actually,) about how I need to get something else on or I will 'freeze to death.' Sometimes they are in their 60s or 70s, but sometimes, they are in their 30s, or early 40s. They must think I'm some daft woman who doesn't know how to dress properly. NO, I am just fucking HOT! (And half the time it's 14 or 15 degrees C anyway! So I will not 'freeze to death.') I hate people patronizing me like I'm fucking thick!

I'd have to ask for my bit to be front-loaded - no way am I hanging around to listen to others waffle :)

Smile, occasionally nod, don’t really engage, try to avoid if possible.

That said, I do occasionally like to wind them up by making deliberately provocative statements, that I don’t always agree with. You know the kind of thing, saying I only drink oat milk, or that I think meat should be banned, or that electric cars are great, or saying how great I think Greta Thunberg is.

@WhisperingAngle the old man's reaction was extreme and uncalled for but you (and everyone else who does this) needs to learn to indicate properly at roundabouts.

Using the road - Roundabouts (184 to 190) - THE HIGHWAY CODE (highwaycodeuk.co.uk)

(Totally misses point of thread)

I just say "Well, nice chatting to you, I'll let you get on now, just shout if you need anything". As my flat's small they are usually working fairly near but I just start studiously typing on my lap top, looking busy sometimes doing actual work but more often than not faffing around on mumsnet

I’m 30 and a professional. This bloke literally explained how insurance works to me the other day. For 20mins. I restructured one of the biggest insurance firms in the US last year. And have also had Aviva as a client!

and yet you are seemingly incapable of ending "lectures" from "random old men". I would say your problem is self-inflicted.

I had a phone conversation with my amd DH's financial advisor yesterday. I had sent him a message asking if the three of us could have a quick Zoom chat about something he was proposing.

I don't think he is older than me, and we have known him for years, but instead of agreeing to the Zoom chat, ringing off and sending me an invitation he proceeded to try and explain the issue there and then in great detail.

I had to stop him and explain that we BOTH needed to hear what he had to say and be able to ask questions (it concerns a fair bit of money which I'm not about to start making unilateral decisions about). He huffily agreed, then I could hear him asking his PA to set it up and then he started ALL OVER AGAIN with his explanation.

Some men just can't help themselves 🙄

@SweetBirdsong Football, how boilers work, why boilers fail, people whose boilers he services, people he’s previously worked (and fallen out) with and more football. Funnily enough, this visit he didn’t mention the time a former colleague failed to seal a joint properly and water leaked onto our kitchen ceiling. That’s been a favourite topic for many years ‘Do you remember the time when Dave….?’

When I was about 19, I had an electrician come to my flat to remove an old cable
which ran along the skirting board & which my pet house rabbit had started to chew through. He quickly removed the cable & then talked AT me for 45 minutes, while drinking the mug of tea I’d made him. The whole time I felt really awkward, he was boring & creepy & had finished the job but wouldn’t leave. When he finally went, I later worked out that the cable hadn’t actually been attached to anything (I was young & naive), so there wasn’t any need to remove it or get an electrician to do it. He billed me for the time he spent whittering on AT ME.
Years later, my landlord, who was also a builder decided to do some jobs on the house. He found out my boyfriend had recently moved out & then decided he thought it would be a good idea to start doing some renovations on the house, like putting in new windows & converting the loft into an extra room. All while I was paying full rent. Sometimes I’d come back from work at 10pm & he’d still be there. This went on for about 3 weeks. He even actually ended up bringing a pair of slippers which he left in my home & stored food in the fridge. I rented this place through a letting agent & had never met him before. He was about 20+ years older than me. One day I just hired a company to empty & clear the house of all my things & when I spoke to Letting agent a couple of days later they said he’d told them I had “been coming onto him”.
After these experiences I have no fucks to give for men who come into my home to do work. I’m not interested in tea & a chat while they make me feel uncomfortable in my home. As much as possible I get my husband to be here & deal with them or preferably I get tradeswomen in to do the work.

I wud laugh and mention his age that wud shut him up maybe embarrass him !!

My DM argued with Jehovah's Witnesses for hours when I was a kid. She always loved a good ruck!

They argued that a lot of stuff in the Book of Revelation has come true. She argued that Mother Shipton got more right (if you are from Yorkshire this may make sense to you!)

They loved it though, came back every week!

I tell him to shut up waffling. ( But I have been married to him for 47 years, so most of it goes over my head😀)