Holiday and friends wedding

[Puppyishome]

One of my old friends will be getting married next year, she came to our wedding a few years ago, we don’t see much of each other now (live at opposite ends of the country, busy lives). She sent a save the date a couple of months ago she’s getting married in June. We have 2 small children (14 months and 3), the wedding is in London, we live in the North East so we would have to travel.
Here’s the issue; DD will start school in September, our last opportunity for a family holiday in term time will be around June and I’ve found a great deal for the week covering the wedding.
DH thinks it’s rude to book it and we should pay more for a holiday a different time and go to her wedding. I’m more leaning towards go on holiday; I don’t think the kids will be invited to the wedding (so have to grovel with my parents to look after them for a weekend), we will have to pay for a hotel in London and trains down, which won’t be cheap and we will have to pay more for our holiday.
I don’t think her coming to our wedding (at what was a different life stage for us both) means I’m obliged to go to hers, I see her once a year max! She also doesn’t have any kids so it’s not like we will be invited as a family and can make a weekend of it.

AIBU to think we skip the wedding and go on holiday instead?

You're obviously not that invested.

I'd send her a text asking if you can check the invite status for the children because if they're not invited you'll have to try to make other arrangements.

If they're not invited I'd definitely choose a family holiday over all that palaver.

I'd choose the holiday, it's a no brainer for me.

It does seem a little off - surely you can find another cheap holiday, that won't be the only one?

Obviously it's up to you, but it does seem a shame for one of your oldest friends, especially as she came to yours.

I see her once a year max!

I'd choose the holiday. Suggest getting together another time to celebrate.

it's a shame not to go. but this is my personal bug bear - people having kids and then dropping friends, it's so sad, unfortunately all too common. I bet she'll be sad if you decline

If you don’t want to go to the wedding then don’t go, but your holiday sounds like an excuse. It really cannot be that the only week you can find a cheap term time holiday is the exact week of her wedding.

Of course your vote will go well because mumsnet hates weddings and being invited to one is one of the worst things that could happen to you. 🙄

If you value her friendship go to the wedding. If you book well in advance the trip need not cost a fortune. Get a railcard to discount the fare.

She made the effort to go to your wedding. Presumably time off work, perhaps an overnight stay or two, clothes, shoes etc. If you don't want to make the effort that's fine but don't be surprised when your friendship tails off. Friendship requires effort, for you to show an interest in each other lives. Your posts seems to imply yours takes precedence because you have kids. Anyway it's an invitation not a summons so do as you wish.

It depends on how good a friend you are.

On Monday I'm driving 2.5 hours to the funeral of one of my best friends. I last saw her in person in 2021. She was still incredibly important to me.

That's what it comes down to. Is this friend important to you?

Personally I would attend the wedding of my friend. Support her and celebrate her wedding. I don't think that's something a holiday beats.

So really the question is. How important is she to you? From how you are writing I think you have checked out of the friendship. As "only" seeing her once a year is an excuse. My best friend since childhood lives in a different country to me. We are still close. As we put in the effort for one another.

I think if you choose a holiday that hasn't even been booked yet over her wedding, then it is likely to end the friendship.

You might be fine with that of course.

I think YABU. Friendships do take effort if you want to keep them, especially once you have children. Maybe double check if your children are invited and keep looking incase it's not the only cheap holiday available.
It sounds like you're not that bothered though so up to you.

I'm sure you could go to the wedding if you really wanted to

I’d do this

You aren't unreasonable to decide to go on holiday instead of to a wedding of someone you can barely be bothered to keep in contact with.

You are extremely unreasonable for thinking that your life is more important than hers because you have kids and she doesn't.

Do decline. Let her invite someone who is genuinely happy to celebrate her big day with her and do her a favour and stay out of her life.

June is 30 days. I'm sure you can get a good deal for most of it which doesn't clash with your friends wedding.

If you really wanted to go you would. Your dh doesn't need to go. He can mind the kids and save your costs.

It sounds like you're not that interested and it's poor that she came to yours but you're not willing to make the same effort (despite the fact you have children - doesn't make you special).

I have great friends that we only see each other once a year as we live in different parts of the country, but we've known each other 20 years so I don't think it's that unusual.

If the friendship isn’t an important one then book the holiday. You could always say it’s already booked.

Alternatively can you not go on a family holiday another time? There’s lots of other dates that aren’t going to cost a bomb.