I feel like im being awful. Partner has a history of messaging women online. He came off social media 2 years ago and his phones pretty empty. It was his choice. Relationships been good since. Until the last few months. He lost his job 2 months ago and hasn't been looking as he's due surgery. I know he's in severe pain. Our sex life came to a grinding holt 2 months ago and its felt pretty distant without it. Life has felt all about the heavy stuff. I've communicated and suggested ways to be closer without having physical sex.
Anyway certain things like when he's checking the sports scores every 20 mins he's over explaining but also his thumbs are at a 100 miles an hour and then he will start shouting random nonsense through making no sense. Over performing checking the results.
I went through his phone and saw photos of a married woman he'd downloaded of fb. She's not engaging with my partner but he's clearly been looking. She's a relation of his ex too.
I then went onto the interent history and he was on a dating app website under a fake name and 2 years younger. No pics though! We had a big row and he denied it but shut me down so we never discussed the profile.
A week later I have a day out in a city and was meant to go to his that evening after. Around 3pm he said you'll be exhausted sweetheart you should go home and come down in the morning. So I agreed. Around 5pm he said he was ready for bed. At 5.30 he said he was about to make food then he'd go to sleep. 6.15pm I said I was back in our town. He didn't open it or reply. He was dog sitting my dog for me. He text me at 5am saying morning just got up. The dogs were a nightmare. He then said he'd been up since 2am on the sofa because the dogs were acting up. I went down and he went straight in the bath. He appeared to be in the same chill out clothes he'd been wearing the day before. There was speck of muck on his hoodie from tea. Whilst in the bath I noticed a long blonde/white hair on the sofa cushion..I picked it up and asked why it was on his sofa. He said maybe one of us brought it in by accident. I then said did you have someone over. He grabbed his phone and said go through it. He read out all his contacts. I told him people could delete things and hide things if they need to.
He's been up and down all week. I had a job interview Monday. Got the job. He said how proud he was of me. Then that night we hugged for ages. Yesterday he was mopey and quiet with me and I didn't go down as he sounded half asleep all day. Heard from him at half 5 then nothing else until 2am.
This morning I blurted out to him I feel like he's cheating on me after he said loads of people have been talking about I'm a celebrity to him. Considering he doesn't leave the flat or have any friends or family talking to him I asked who? He said he wasn't going to talk to me when I'm being paranoid. I asked again who's been talking to you about watching this program. He refused to tell me.
Am I being unreasonable. He's awaiting surgery. In agony and on medication but it still feels strange.