Am I to blame?

[manyunansweredquestions]

My partner blames and resents me for the fact our 18 month old is fiercely clingy with me whenever I'm around and will point blank refuse to settle or be comforted by him (again, only when I'm around/am in the house). It's not an issue if I've left the house entirely.

I always was open about wanting to breastfeed and so we did so exclusively for the first six weeks whilst my supply regulated. We then tried offering a bottle (of expressed milk) but DC wouldn't take it and would refuse to feed if I wasn't around. DC was also a very refluxy and unsettled baby and nursing was the only relief, so we breastfed a lot. We still continue to breastfeed more often than most still feeding by this point are because DC actively asks for it in order to co-regulate when upset.

We also have always co-slept. I suffered from severe paranoia as a result of sleep deprivation due to how unsettled DC was and co-sleeping was the way in which I got, and still get, the most sleep.

These are the factors that my partner feels are solely responsible for how attached DC is exclusively to me, and subsequently blames me and my parenting choices.

Have I been unreasonable in how I've managed our first year and a half of parenting?

He does know that he’s talking about a child right? Imagine hating you because your toddler decides to favourite one parent. My little girl, 20 months, is exactly the same but with the opposite parent. Me. If her father is in the house I can’t settle her, can’t play with her, can’t even sit on the sofa with a blanket because it’s daddy’s. If he’s not here then I’m the best person in the world who can do all of the above with no problem. Is it because I’m the ‘harsher’ parent, the one that tells her when bedtime is or won’t let her have an extra biscuit, maybe. But do I resent my partner for being the favourite parent? No she’s a child and it’s life. Does it get slightly annoying sometimes? Yes but it ain’t exactly a big life effecting issue. Regardless of your choice to breastfeed or to co-sleep, kids tend to choose favourites and none of those factors can be amended now. Your partner needs to grow up.

I'd say no. It sounds like you have parented your baby the best way you could, for them and to allow you to survive too. And it's very common for Dc to be more clingy with their main caregiver anyway!!

Now that they're a bit older, they will naturally gravitate a bit more to your h, and this will change over the years as your Dc grow up.

It doesn't sound like your h is being very fair here. What's your relationship like in general?