Lower grades and happier V higher grades and stressed?

[BookieLookie]

DC is currently in Y9 (14yrs) at a grammar school. He has ADHD and demand avoidance autism which the full extent of only became obvious once he moved to secondary. He does no/very little homework and misses several lessons a week through anxiety. We also have a university technical college locally which does the GSCEs that DC would want and then lead into a higher level diploma rather than A levels (it would be the equivilent UCAS points of 3 a levels) which is DC's first choice for post 16 study.

DC is intellectually capable of straight 9s but due to the ADHD/demand avoidance we hope he will get 7s. The tech college students are mostly aiming for 4/5/6s.

Parent A thinks DC should stay where they are - that it is worth the 2 years of anxiety and stress to hopefully get better GCSEs and to stay in a familiar environment with DCs friends. then move to the tech college for the diploma.

Parent B thinks DC should move to an environment with less homework, less pressure and that leads into the post 16 diploma and that lower grades is a worthwhile compromise if DC is happier.

DC thinks they would like the tech collage but worried about leaving friends. Ultimately will do whichever we guide them towards.

What would you do?

YABU - Stay where they are for hopefully better grades

YANBU - Move for less stress but lower grades.

I would not have sent him there if I’d known how bad his condition would get.

Theres a possibility his ADHD symptoms have become more prevalent because of the current school environment.

@CormorantStrikesBack what mechanisms do you use? I am almost 60 and still struggle with this. I have managed to find a method for housework (Flylady simplified massively) and for work I only do PT with very tight deadlines so I can't put anything off. If I client wants something I book them in with a promised turn around of a day or two. But pretty much everything else is one long procrastination after another.

I often wonder about that. He was cursing away ahead of the class at primary with no real effort involved. But it’s been downhill since mid way through Y7 as the pressure has rammed up.

So for me it’s strict to do lists and most importantly doing everything pretty much as soon as I get it. I have a reputation at work actually for being super efficient and quick in doing stuff. But simply it’s because if I didn’t do stuff straight away it wouldn’t get done.

i have set times in the week for stuff which needs doing every week and these are marked in my outlook calendar.

i normally reply to emails as soon as i see them. It’s the kiss of doom if I don’t. On the off chance I don’t it gets moved into a “to do” folder and one of y regular calendar events is to look at the to do folder.

When I started reading him I was thinking "oh no - definitely keep him where he is to keep his choices as open as possible", but reading everything you've said it does seem like the UTC would be a good place for him.