Baby/Toddler groups

[NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet]

I have a recently turned 2 year old who admittedly is very "on the go" and loves to be outdoors. I work 3 days a week (30 hours) his dad does full time in 4 days and we have family childcare the other 2 days.

We have been to a few baby/toddler groups and each time I find that the more structured ones leave me feeling like a shit mum with a feral child. Yesterday we went to a music class. My son was wandering a bit as he does, and at one point put on one of the adults wellies (which was hilarious) before I noticed. They got this parachute thing out where everyone holds it in a circle and moves it up and down. He was absolutely delighted by this and wanted to jump on it, I obviously moved him immediately but he kept going to do the same thing and I could see the leader getting annoyed.

Throughout the group she made several references to him not sitting on my knee and saying things like "we aren't running round, sit on my knee or mummys" - to be fair to him he wasn't running, more wandering with the train I can't get him to put down, and sporadically coming over to me for a quick cuddle or to join in. He then found some bubbles which we have a lot of at home and excitedly brought them over to me, I of course returned them however was told to put them out of his reach (which I was going to anyway!) He's very gentle, wasn't hurting anyone and sometimes just wanted to look or play with his train (or crawl under the chairs at the back of the hall!) Most of the other kids were sat obediently on their parents knees and I'm not sure if I'm paranoid but I did feel like my child was "that child" and that I've done something wrong.

He's always been active, inquisitive and doesn't like to sit still but he's not aggressive and he just loves being with other children, which is why I like to take him to groups if I can.

Am I that parent with the feral child? Or do other people find these groups difficult too?!

My understanding of him at just turned 2 is that he would still be struggling with impulse control, happy to be corrected by anyone who knows better.

I explained in my first post how I set out expectations:

My expectations are clear: you either sit with mummy or the leader and you join in with the activity. If you don’t, we leave the room and have a moment and try again. If you still can’t, we will leave the activity and try again next time.

You haven’t laid out expectations or boundaries. Children need it to be crystal clear so they can understand, and you haven’t done that.

Of course he doesn’t have impulse control. That doesn’t come until 3.5 - 4.

That still doesn’t mean you can’t have clear expectations and consequences It means it’s even more important that you do!

We have a great session at the local leisure centre where they have softplay and a bouncy castle out in one of the main halls. Lots of crazy little boys running around! Might be worth checking out some of the local bouncy castle companies because a lot set up their own playgroups a couple of times a week which are a lot less structured.

Where do I say I don't have expectations and consequences for my child? I don't just let him do whatever the hell he wants - he put on the wellies, I remove him from that area. He brings me the bubbles, I take them off him and put then out of reach. He's watching from afar, so I encourage him to join in or sit him on my knee. I suppose my point in this post is that I didn't feel he was doing any harm, given his age. Like I said, he wasn't hurting anyone, wasn't being rough, was just having a wander and didn't always want to join in.

I guess this is AIBU so I should expect some snarky replies. For me personally removing a 2 year old for an activity specifically for toddlers and babies because he won't sit perfectly still is a bit heavy handed, but each to their own.

Think I answered my own question, cheers.

I have 2.5 year old twins. T1 is like yours, he doesn’t really get group activities and would rather wander round doing his own thing. He’s a sweet boy who just prefers his own company. I do worry he’ll struggle with sitting down and listening at school but we have a while to sort that.

T2 loves anything structured and joins in with dancing, sleeping bunnies etc. He understands what he’s meant to do and is very sociable. He’s good at sitting with a book and learning words. He will love school. But he has a feisty streak and gets into arguments/takes toys etc.

Point is, they’re all different, even twins.

It sounds like the activity you’re doing is a bit too structured. Try again in 6 months and do something more free-flowing in the meantime.

Mine is exactly the same he loves being out playing football or running around. I take him to normal groups wheres he's just free to do whatever he likes. My friend invited us to a structured group she goes to. my son was not interested everyone was painting and he was just running around and dancing to the background music I haven't been back lol.