Partner reluctant to go ahead with agreed move

[Gr8Escape]

Hoping to try and not make this too long. Myself and my partner have been together for 6 years and have 2 children together. We met in London where I was living and moved together to somewhere he wanted to live. Prior to having kids, I had said that I would like to raise my kids where I grew up (in Scotland) and didn't see me staying here long term. He agreed and said he was open to moving and while we agreed together that we would start our family in England, we would move to Scotland before school age.
That time is now approaching and whilst he will still say it "is the plan", I know he does not want to do it. He is constantly citing negatives and downsides associated with moving and the location. He will not agree to an actual move timeline and always says in the next 2 years or so (has been this timeline for 3 years now so always pushing out).
I do not want to make him miserable and force a move that he doesn't want and won't be happy with. I am happy where we are but would be much happier there. I am very close to my family, he is to his parents but not siblings and we have so much more of a community there and not much here at all. We can of course build a community here but it feels we have so much better of a connected base there. Job opportunities are similar for both of us and whilst it would initially be a step back in terms of our housing situation (would need to rent first and housing market is poor), I believe we can end up in a better living situation after a few years.
My question is basically AIBU to keep pushing this? Like I said I don't want him to be miserable but I feel he isn't even trying and just agreed something important with me as it was far enough in the future, it didn't seem real. I am more adaptable than he is and more able to just get on with things and so I know I could make a happy life here regardless but why should I be the one to make sacrifices and adapt just because I am more capable and he won't?

It sounds like you have made big changes in your life and are able to adapt in different surroundings. If he never took these big steps in his life he will just be scared.
Since you think you can rent out your house in England, I believe you should try Scotland, even if it is just for two years. He will probably need some encouragement but I think he owes it to you. Going on holiday to the place you are from does not give the same understanding of the place as living there. If he never lived away from what he has always known, it is very easy to not want to experience the place you feel most familiar with.
I moved away from a place I absolutely loved after a break-up. I made a new life in another town. In the end it wasn't the place I wanted to stay and eventually I moved back to my favourite place. But looking back the experience was so good. It opened my mind and grew my confidence. So even if you end up returning to England, it might bring both of you good things.
Being the one that adapts all the time is fine for little things but for big things I think you should be careful not to grow resentful. Also, if you always adapt he will never have to adapt which will make adapting for him only more difficult.

I think some of the problems is that nether of you are trying to make a go of the area you each want. You have been here for 6 years and no friends because you do not want to be here so you did not try to make friends. Whereas he sees negative everywhere you look as he’s not really into moving.

I understand both sides. I would not want to move from a home I own to just rent somewhere else. I also wouldn’t want to move just to move back in 2 years. But that is me. You might be ok with moving backwards for a few years but what if it’s not just a few years you are moving back what if the housing market doesn’t get better for a while then what?

I say nether you nor him are unreasonable.
but you can’t really say he won’t try but I did when for 6 years you did not try to make a better community where you are because in your mind you wasn’t staying. That means you didn’t try to make this place a good place with great community because you didn’t want to try.

I guess a big seat down needs to happen and talk it out.

I do not want to make him miserable and force a move that he doesn't want and won't be happy with.

A shame he doesn’t give your feelings the same consideration… why did he agree? To shut you up? To snare you? Because he’s a liar?

Don’t leave it till the kids have left school, it will likely mean they will be down south while you’re up north, instead of just two or three hours away.

Also yes be flexible with many things but not extremely important things to you. As this is an agreement you have based your life upon I would challenge him going against this agreement and set a date to move, then start planning by looking at jobs for both of you, going for interviews, finding good schools and rentable properties. Keep him in the loop. If he finds change difficult it may just need to be broken down into small steps. Renting the property out for a year means you can return after a year or two, a great backup.

i would probably stop faffing about and tell him you’re moving up next July 2024 with the kids as per agreed timescale.

Jesus christ, its Scotland not Australia.

He's being a baby and hes unfair.

I'm so sick of reading about men who refuse to move or women (it's always the women) who somehow end up living in the man's neck of the woods.

Put your foot down.

What are the negatives that he keeps bringing up?

Are you actually happy?

You say you have no regrets in him as a partner but then go on to say that there are "underlying issues with him being generally reluctant to do things that don't suit him and me inevitably being the person who compromises" . What other things have you compromised on?

Would it be possible to move to Scotland and rent out the current house longterm? That would keep open the option of a move back south after the children have finished school if you wanted to at that point.

A shame he doesn’t give your feelings the same consideration… why did he agree? To shut you up? To snare you? Because he’s a liar?

Christ. She's said she's very happy where they've ended up and she has no regrets about him as a partner. How do you extrapolate from that he's a lying snaring bastard??

List all the pros and cons of both and then make a decision.
Personally I wouldn’t make a move unless there’s a compelling reason to move. For example my mum moved all the way to a foreign country to get family support but as kids we ended up in a horrible school with poor facilities and family were not as helpful as mum initially thought they would be.
Are you sure you’ll get a decent job there? Are you going to be more financially better off? I do believe that if there’s a compelling reason to go and it’s not a tit for tat that you compromised then it’s fair enough. What’s the primary goal of the move and what does this look like long term?

Complicated but in this day and age I would say Go Where The Money and Jobs are. Financial security will give you more options going forward. Think long term in this.