Am I the issue?

[Libertyy]

So a little background is me and several lasses were subject to grooming by the same people although they were passed round and I had a different role to them set out by the perpetrators, this led to us having a strained friendship with each other, mainly in relation to me but I also found it really difficult to remain friends with them because we have all have such heavy baggage and i had such severe guilt and they reassured me they understood that we were all controlled

so one of them was going to parties a few years ago and she had totally blocked me out of nowhere which really hurt me. She ended up with bruises and self harming, as she’d gotten back into the gangs

She blamed me for it saying I didn’t notice and how she wished I helped her but the thing is I didn’t know she was re-recruited back into the gang, she had a deterioration of her mental health which I thought was the reason for it and put it down to other issues

For what it’s worth I know there’s no hatred between us or at least I think there isn’t but the main perpetrator was really manipulative and still is, I think they’re in contact because one of our mates who was one of my closest friends who I was estranged with but contacted every so often had passed away so they’d re connected with him just for the sake of the baby as the baby’s nana cannot cope with the baby boy after losing her daughter and unborn granddaughter. Our friend’s mum doesn’t know where they’re buried as our perpetrator buried her and the unborn baby on his terms, and has the baby with him and told everyone to fuck off as it’s his son, he gave her a religious funeral (her and the perpetrator had been dating despite the abuse, she stuck with him because she was brainwashed)

They told me I should be the one to offer to take the baby that is alive (which the baby’s nana and great nana agrees with) but why should I when he wanted to turn me into an abuser and inevitably put my own family at risk? I asked them why they couldn’t take him and they said it would be better if I did because I can provide the cultural experience for the child which would be better for his identity but tbf I can

But I can’t help but feel they are not understanding that I was a victim too

Am I in the wrong?

I think the questions are ~
Should I take the baby and raise him so he doesn’t turn out like his dad? (This is what they’re agreeing)
Am I in the wrong for how I have approached this?

They’re now saying they think social services will want to provide a background similar to his family but I don’t understand why that would be a requirement

YABU - take the baby, raise him so he knows not to turn out like his dad
YANBU - think about your own safety and your future children

So let me get it right, you are being forced into adopting your friend's baby? Why on earth would you?
Sounds like you are still very much a victim of abuse, either by the original perpetrator or by your late friend's family. Please get some support from women's shelter or a similar organisation.
Let social services place the baby with whoever thy think is necessary (it won't be you).

I think it’s more because the baby did settle really well with me whenever I see him when his mum wasn’t around and they’re saying only I can manage to soothe him which is stupid because I haven’t seen him in a while, that I’m the next best thing to his mum and way better than being in multiple foster placements until his nana is better. He’s saying I’m the next best alternative to his father. But that’s a bit grim to say because the father is obviously going to be on my case, there’s no way he’d willingly hand him over to me even if I did agree. I said to them I definitely don’t think it’s a good idea while his father is not in prison and we have no orders against him because it further places me at risk and the baby’s aunts said while they understand they’ll step in if any danger reaches me. So I’m incredibly pissed off, like it’s already not my issue

One of his aunts (from my late friend’s dad’s side) pissed me off further by adding that he’s my miscarried baby’s brother so I should take it as an opportunity to take him on as my son, I asked why they can’t take him because he’s their blood and they said it’s because the baby’s dad’s Asian and their dad does not like it so they can’t take him but because I look like I could be his relative I am meant to take him on

I have refused and they said the baby’s dad will only hand him over to me because the baby’s dad apparently wants him to be raised his way and not theirs. I am posting to rant a bit. I thought this chapter of life would be over when she passed away

This is just batshit (and racist!) behaviour from the family. So just because I am white I should be obligated to adopt any white unwanted baby? Nobody would say it to me ever! So don't accept this thinking just because you are Asian. Call the racists on their behaviour and move on with your life. If I were you, I would cut all ties with these people.