WIBU To Reach Out?

[roofusdoofus]

Hi All,

I 23F have been thinking about reaching out to a girl I went to high school with, we graduated in 2018.

“Sam” didn’t really have many friends, was very quiet, and kept to herself. Sam is gorgeous and as was her twin brother (who went to a different school) but the reason I’m stating this is because her brother had more friends and “popularity” than Sam. Often, Sam would eat lunch by herself, sometimes I would try talk to her if I was in the same room but we were very much worlds apart and I wasn’t her kind of friend (Sam was intelligent, book smart, whereas I was a messer) so I didn’t make any real effort. People would invite her twin places but never her!

A lot of rumours went around about Sam being in love and/or sleeping with her twin, which of course wasn’t true, but they all gravitated back to her and she was labelled weird.

I recently found her on social media, we were a big year group of girls, and she only is friends with one girl from our school. I was oblivious to the bullying going on throughout my school because I got on with everyone enough to not notice it, and naive enough to believe because I didn’t notice it - there was no bullying.

She’s doing really well for herself, she finished a law degree in one of the most prestigious colleges and is now doing her traineeship.

I don’t know what I would even say, I would apologize for how high school was for her and any part I had to play it that, but I want to praise her for her accomplishments and hope she’s keeping well. I often think about her, maybe that’s my conscious, especially now as I get older - and become a teacher myself.

75% no and 25% not sure, means don’t do it.

She sounds like she's moved on and forged a good life for herself. Maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of her crap schooldays.
Leave her alone, is my opinion

Did you ever stop to consider for a second in all of this that it might be incredibly difficult for some random to pop up out of the blue and remind her of what I’m guessing was a pretty shit time for her?

if you have any emotional intelligence at all leave well alone. If she wanted to go over old ground or let you know she had moved on from all of that nasty juvenile bullshit she would have done so. I expect though, that you and everyone else from this period of her life are dead to her and rightly so.

I think you need to reflect on your motivations here. Reasons to reach out would be: you really enjoyed her company at school and would love to spend time together again, you had fun times together and you’d love to reminisce etc. If those things don’t apply, what’s the goal of reaching out? If there was no existing friendship that you’re trying to revive, are you thinking that a friendship would now blossom as adults? Have a good think about what you hope the end goal to be here and then think about how Sam would feel about your plans

I have to be honest and say you sound very self absorbed. The sort of person who would do something like this then post it all over social media in the guise of ‘look how great and compassionate I am’.

She has made a good life for herself, leave her alone.

It just all sounds very self indulgent, why do you think she needs or wants you to reach out? Why are you making her life about you?

This is really odd OP

PLEASE DON’T CONTACT HER! I hated school, primary school was OK but secondary was a complete nightmare and in some ways it ruined my life. For some reason I was very unpopular and didn’t really have any friends or at least certainly no close friends. I was picked on constantly by other girls and it wasn’t like it was even one group it seemed to be everyone (though I know it wasn’t) they made lies about me, song songs about me, pinched me, kicked me, pulled my hair, threw all the stuff out of my locker, I could go on and on. The worse think was I was bullied by teachers too. One English teacher was particularly nasty to me and always made me the butt of jokes he used to make me sit at the front on my own and called me Little Miss Thick because I couldn’t spell and stuff. This was in the Seventies when everything was made worse because there was corporal punishment and you couldn’t really tell your parents as they backed the school also you had to go every day. I couldn’t wait to leave and get a job at 16 and never thought of anything beyond that so well done to 'Sam' in getting a law degree and dong well for herself DESPITE what must have been a very bad school experience for her. I remember joining Friends Reunited (remember that?) and looking at all the stupid, stupid comments of the kids I remembered form school and I felt physically sick. I quickly closed the account. I’m 58 now and have NO friends from school or from where I where I used to live. If anyone contacted me I’d ignore them and block them so please let this bright, intelligent young woman lead her own live and don’t interfere…

You weren't her friend when she probably really needed one, so what makes you think she'd be pleased to hear from you now?
I also think that you did know she was being bullied as you mentioned the awful rumours about her brother- if that's not bullying then I don't know what is.