Letting everyone down and feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown

[Lettingeveryonedown]

I am getting worried for my mental well-being and not really sure where to turn.

I have a 4 year old little boy who is autistic, non-verbal and very complex needs. He is amazing and so bright and so wonderful. He has a lot of melt downs and hits himself hard on the head a lot. Every professional has seen him do this but we’ve been given no help with it at all. He attends nursery with a 1:1 two mornings a week and we are currently finishing his EHCP.

I own my own business which has now been going for three years and has luckily been successful. However I feel like there is no longer enough time in the day to do everything. I have hired as many staff as I am financially able to and still I feel so burnt out by life. I’m falling behind and definitely disappointing clients which leaves me worrying about letting people down. I spend time with my son until 9:30am, work 10am - 6pm, and then work 6pm - 12am a lot of the time at the moment as things are busy with the Christmas period.

Before I was having weekends off because I felt guilty about working and I just desperately want to be with my little boy.

I feel like I cannot actually compute with life right now. I am very lucky to have a brilliant partner, our son’s dad, who is with him except when he is at nursery. However he isn’t able to keep completely on top of the house so this is something extra for me to do. But you do need 2 eyes in the back of your head to watch my little boy so I get it!

We’re currently going through speech and language, portage, and have had so many assessments for schools recently. It’s just non-stop and my priority is my little boy and I want to be there for everything because I feel so much mum guilt for working but it’s getting to the point I cannot keep up with work and that makes me anxious and stressed.

I’m not feeling well in myself and am really struggling with fatigue and I have a diagnosis of bipolar (stable 3 years besides minor experiences, I had seriously bad PND/postnatal OCD but am now on medication).

I feel overwhelmed and I feel like I want to cry but I actually cannot cry because I am so past it and just doing what I’ve got to do.

I wish I could just sack the work in and be a SAHM now but this is not an option for us due to personal circumstances. I am the only ‘bread winner’ and always have been and it has worked for us until now.

I don’t have time to go to the doctor or my mental health professional, I just don’t have the time to do any life admin right now. But I am crippled by stress, anxiety and frustration and actually feel like I might snap soon.

Please help. I know rationally the answer is see a doctor & your psychiatrist and take time off, but taking time off really is not an option right now. :(

If you broke your arm you'd make the time. You need to prioritize your health here, mind and body.

No advice but

If you don't prioritise your health now, when things do become too much it will be much harder to manage.

It's so difficult when you have everything to juggle but the most important thing is keeping yourself well.

OP, what would you say to a friend in your situation?

You must pause, call your GP or mental health team first thing tomorrow before you start work. Get it out of the way.

If you don’t things will not get better for you.
They will unravel further. You know this.

Looking after yourself IS being a good mum, a good partner, a good employer…

Wishing you well.

Oh sweetie, you're not letting anyone down! You have a lot on your plate, and you sound like someone who takes her responsibilities seriously.

But, you are getting overwhelmed. You do need to look after you, all the time, in order to be your amazing self. Remember that you need to put your oxygen mask on before assisting anyone else.

Your priorities need to be:
You
Your boy
Your business.

Could you look at an employee taking on more responsibility to give you more time/resource to yourself? That would offer development opportunity for them, and add sustainability into your business model. It will also give you more head space for strategically taking your business forward and keeping well.

@Lettingeveryonedown how are you doing today?

My boss says it's easier to send out a lifeboat than a scuba diver. Get rescued now, don't sink. You're the critical glue that holds your family and your business together. Better some unhappy clients than contracts smashed and a business under because you've had a breakdown.