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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should have been given some pain relief?

9 replies

Lammveg · 21/11/2023 20:52

Gave birth to DD at home 10 months ago. I didn't plan a home birth but was sent home from maternity unit to progress due to only being 2cm dilated, and I gave birth at home 4hrs later. She is my first DC.

The ambulance came just after I'd given birth and took me and DD to hospital to be checked over. Looking back I was definitely in shock.

When I got to hospital, I hadn't delivered the placenta and the midwife said she'd need to manually remove it. I asked for some pain relief, given the fact I was in shock and had just given birth to my first child un-medicated. She told me not to be silly and that I didn't need pain relief for it.

When she removed it, it was painful, although it was fairly quick. I'd had some gas and air in the ambulance and just wished they'd let me have some while they removed the placenta to make me a bit calmer while she did it. It's honestly the one thing from the whole birth that sticks in my mind because I felt so violated (?I'm not sure that's the right word but I can't describe it...I just felt like a task to be done or something)

I had one small tear that needed looking at and so after removing the placenta, she reached up into the cupboard next to me and got out the gas and air for me to have while they looked at the tear, so it wasn't like she had to go and find it or something like that.

Do you think IABU? Is it better not to have pain relief while they do that?

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 21/11/2023 20:58

YANBU - if someone asks for pain relief, especially through child birth, they should get it. I understand she probably thought this would be nothing compared to the unmedicated birth you just went through, but that doesn’t make it her choice. Maybe you didn’t need it to cope physically, but you wanted it to cope mentally, and that should have been more than enough.

Edit to say, if there is a medical reason why it’s not recommended at that point, then she could have said that, rather than calling you silly.

TeaKitten · 21/11/2023 21:00

I’d request a birth debrief to talk it through with them, it’s helpful anyway after any birth but it would give you the chance to ask your questions.

FionnulaTheCooler · 21/11/2023 21:00

YANBU. I think there can be a bit of a "the worst is over so stop making a fuss" attitude among some HCPs when it comes to post birth care. I swear the doctor who was stitching up my episiotomy wound rolled her eyes at me when I said the local anaesthetic hadn't worked and I could feel every stitch. I insisted on another dose before she carried on but she acted like it was a massive inconvenience.

Hardbackwriter · 21/11/2023 21:03

YANBU at all - you should have been listened to and if your request wasn't possible they should have explained why. Fwiw I had a manual placenta removal and was given G&A for it, and was given the option of a full epidural and going to theatre for delivery so I absolutely don't think what you expected was unreasonable.

DodoTime · 21/11/2023 21:05

Yanbu! I was offered gas and air just when they were checking my progress. I don't see why they wouldn't let you have it.

Vettrianofan · 21/11/2023 21:07

If ever there was a debrief moment then this has to be it. Request a debrief from your midwife. You deserve it.

Lammveg · 21/11/2023 21:31

Interesting to hear other people's experiences, thank you. I think I'll look into the debrief.

It just felt like there was no reason for her to not give it and I was just so in shock with what had happened I didn't know whether I was coming or going.

OP posts:
LeakyPipes · 21/11/2023 23:11

YANBU at all AngryFlowers

Mumtobe202310 · 23/11/2023 02:06

YANBU. I had a horrible experience of having mine removed too and even with gas and air hated it so to think about it with it had me fuming already. I think you hosuld get a debrief, I have asked for one for my birth too. Hope your debrief makes you feel better. Hugs xxx

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