To always be the host ?

[smoocakes6]

Hi
I need some perspective. I'm always the host for DH family. Never a return invitation.
For the past 15 years, Christmas's , Easter's , Summer BBQ's . We only ever get together if we invite them . Every year it gets trickier and more expensive with addition of kids , and I'm tired of it . I'm not one for confrontation at all , and I wish I had been more honest in the past when I've felt disrespected and annoyed about something (I.e sister is always late to the tune of 2 hours) oh that's just me ! No , really if I say come at 1 lunch at 2 , it'll be ready at 2 . We're beyond waiting and have started without them but everything is disrupted when they do arrive. ( I like to have a plan so I am not spending the whole time in the kitchen when guests arrive )
This year has been one of the hardest of my life , for a number of reasons . And just feel why do I bother if it's never reciprocated. For context Sil has small house so won't host . Other sil just says she doesn't like hosting , but I know she hosts her own family .
What are your thoughts please ? If you never host , why ? And wwyd in my position? Thx

If you don't want to do it don't do it. Some people are more in to extended family dinners and hosting than others. Why do you feel a desire to keep your husband's family "together" ? Only invite people for dinner if you want to see them and enjoy their company and enjoy hosting.

Thinking not hosting is "selfish" implies hosting is benefiting other people which it maybe isn't. They'd maybe rather stay at home. I would assume that if I didn't get return invites and would stop inviting people unless I really wanted their company. Alot of women on here seem more invested in their husband's family and organising everyone than their husbands are

Covid was a brilliant opportunity for me to break out of a similar pattern. I always hosted, the only one who made the effort, but i was also the person everyone disliked and complained about.

I'm still disliked by my relatives, but no longer have to host. They now meet up without me and bitch about how they are never invited anymore. It's comical really.

Of course, there are worse things in Amata. Guests who don't reciprocate, who turn up late and who let their kids wreck the house are worse.

Do they ask you to host or do you offer?

You sound a little bit like my mum, but at least you are starting to see the light. Mum always hosted or arranged because she had the biggest house with the most space, but would run herself ragged hosting, cleaning, cooking and paying for everything - birthdays, Christmases, funerals, even a cousin's wedding. Of course relatives would promise to reimburse what she had to spend, but never did. Us as kids hated it because she was so stressed, but she felt obligated. Set your boundaries now.