To be annoyed with my dad

[Hamseven]

This is a bit pointless as Ib probably won't disown him or tell him what I think but I'm cross and want to see if people think it's justified.

I'm 43. My mum and dad divorced when I was about 12. I had a good relationship with my dad, starting with him frequently until I went to university. My dad got remarried when I was about 16. I went to the wedding and my step sister (2 years younger) was a bridesmaid.
My step mum really dislikes me. She resents me and my siblings as she believes we are more successful than her children and that we look down on them (not true). Every time I visit my dad, she makes sure she is out and never comes with him to visit us. She has met my children (9 and 11) twice. One was at my mum's funeral.
My dad is obsessed with his step grand children and every time I speak to him I have to hear about how fabulous they are. He can't even remember my children's names.
When I visit with my kids, he doesn't really talk to them.
Last time we went, one of his darling step grand children was there. He text her to exclaim that 'the horrors are on their way - help!' But accidently sent it to me!
He then ignored my husband the entire time we were there. He hates him as he thinks he's a snob.
We normally meet before christmas to swap presents. I am free every weekend (8 available days) before Christmas except for two days. Apparently he is only available these two days as every other day he is visiting graves and his aunt's and uncles.
We only see about once, maybe twice a year. Partly because I can't bear to hear about the amazing step grandkids whilst he ignores his and partly because he's always to busy to see us (he's retired, has no hobbies and barely leaves the house)
I:m pissed of that he's not making the time to see his grandchildren and me! Id really like my children to have a grandparent that cares!
Am I being a spoilt brat

Gosh that sounds awful and painful. Why do you bother?

A sense of duty and desperation to have one parent in my life.

Id really like my children to have a grandparent that cares!

As painful as it is, you need to accept that this is just not going to happen for them. In fact, the more you force contact with a grandparent who sadly doesn't care, the more you risk your children getting hurt.

Drop the rope. Have some counselling to work through your (completely understandable) upset at your dad's behaviour. It is sadly very common for men to do this when they remarry, you're not alone.

Unfortunately, not all parents are good parents, and not all grandparents are good grandparents. Plenty of children don't have relationships with their grandparents though, it isn't particularly unusual. I would try to focus on how things are instead of how you'd want them to be of you could wave a magic wand. Your children won't be damaged by not seeing their grandfather, but they may well be harmed by his behaviour towards them (and his behaviour towards you). I'm sorry that things are this way - that's all on him, not you.

I had a very similar situation with my own dad. You can’t force a relationship unfortunately and once the children are old enough to see it for themselves it can be very hurtful for them too. Don’t put them through it.

Maybe see him alone. I’m so sorry he is like this it must be so painful.

I'd have texted back, "Sorry you feel that way. I'll spare you the trauma." And not gone.

So sad to hear this OP. Unfortunately he'll never be the dad or grandad you want him to be.

Its sad. But, if he’s referring to your children as ‘the horrors’ & makes himself busy on the days you can visit I’d not bother. He sounds like a nasty man that won’t bring anything to their lives anyway.

I wouldn't bother any more.

It's so hard watching your children be sidelined by your parent. It's a different type of hurt that goes straight through you.

I'm sorry you are going through this op