To be hurt by friend’s lack of acknowledgement

[maryanne3]

12 years ago I worked in a difficult and pressured environment with a great bunch of people. We all bonded and keep in touch to this day. In particular I shared an office with two guys and we meet up every so often, follow each others careers and have a mutual Whatsapp group to chat about stuff among ourselves. During lockdown one became very ill and had to isolate even from his family; other friend and myself took it in turns with Zoom chats to cheer him up. Recently he held a dinner for a birthday and took the opportunity to thank various people, including the other guy, and made no mention of me. I feel enormously hurt by this. I have tried to brush it off, but simply cannot understand how he would have thought to thank this other guy and not mention me, when we were very much three together. It seems silly, but it makes me think I have been imagining a friendship all these years. AIBU?

I would be hurt too. I can't imagine being the other person and not saying you were just as much involved. Has he got closer to the other person or does he perhaps fancy you but doesn't want to draw attention to it? Or perhaps it was a mistake.

Maybe he just forgot - in the excitement of the birthday he overlooked you? If it's a one-off, i.e., if he's usually a good friend, I'd be inclined to forget it.

No, I don’t think he fancies me, we are both happily married.

Could his wife be funny about him having a close female friend? Assuming he is married to a woman, of course. Maybe he didn't want to draw attention to everything you did for him?

Other possibility: is he sexist and just assumed it was your duty as a woman to do the caring role? While his male friend was going above and beyond doing the exact same thing as a man?

I would be hurt by this. And while you probably shouldn't, I would end up saying something.