Homeless, pregnancy and hostel accommodation

[user2233]

Please be kind as I feel nervous posting about this in the first place - no one chooses to be in this situation.

Hi,

So long story short, around six weeks ago we (my partner and I - I'm 36 weeks pregnant) were made homeless and put in a hotel by the council due to a lack of space at the hostel.

We have now heard from the housing officer who has said there is space at a hostel however the bathroom facilities are shared too. I understand that beggars can't be choosers and have accepted the fact that we will have to share a kitchen. However, I feel as though it is unreasonable to share a bathroom for the following reasons:

• I've had hyperemisis throughout my pregnancy and am still sick even at 36 weeks pregnant
• I am due to give birth in less than 4 weeks and do not understand how I'm meant to use a shared bathroom with a baby? Do I take the baby with me whenever I use the loo? As I wouldn't feel comfortable locking her in the room whilst I go the toilet?

As mentioned, I understand beggars can't be choosers however, AIBU to believe that sharing a bathroom with others in the above situations is unreasonable?

Is it possible that if you don't take the hostel place they'll assume you're not in need of accomodation anymore?

That would be my worry.

I guess you might just need to time toilet breaks when the baby is awake. Baby bath can obviously be done in a baby bath. Just take baby in in a car seat or sling to leave you hands free, although may be hard to wipe yourself with a baby in a sling ! Hopefully will just be short term.

@hotcandle that's my worry too. I'm not being choosy or difficult. I'm fine with sharing a kitchen but due to the reasons I mentioned I feel a bit nervous about having to share a bathroom. But I guess beggars can't be choosers

Perhaps contact Shelter and your midwife for advice? As a pp said you need to be careful if you turn down the hostel and the council say you are making yourself intentionally homeless.

What's really vital here is that you don't lose your housing banding which I assume is either b or still being assessed.

My LA is v sympathetic to families with newborns and won't leave you at the hostel v long.

It sounds grim I understand how you must be feeling x

This must be so worrying for you. I second putting your baby in a sling to go to the loo or to go when your baby is asleep. Hopefully they will find you somewhere before the baby arrives.

I’d talk to shelter and your midwife team - presumably they have connected you with social services…
I’d take the room for now and keep working on alternatives…

I had hyperemersis.

When I was in hospital for it it was a shared bathroom. I'd suggest a bucket or alternatively you can buy the cardboard sick bowls they use in hospitals.

In all honesty, I was sick a LOT and I much preferred the bucket to the loo.

If you don't mind me asking...
What band are you?
Where roughly are you?
Do you think you will be in hostel long?

Obviously don't post information that's private but just to give an idea of outcome? Perhaps we can recommend resources or local specific help?

When you have the baby your position changes, as you have an actual baby to count in the situation. Speak to hospital social workers when baby is born but call shelter now.
You say "we" is dp there with you first weeks?

I was in temp accommodation with my four at the start of the first lockdown, in a caravan (not made homeless as such but fleeing DV and my mental health was considered too much of a risk for a refuge as the support wasn't there during lockdown) it was hellish, the cooker didn't work, there was no freezer and the Social worker kept badgering me about it being untidy as there was nowhere to put all the kids things. It really was worth sticking it out though as they found me a house within 2 months, the more horrific your circumstances are I think the more proactive they are at helping you find somewhere more suitable.

My advice would be to make any professionals aware of how it affects you, a shared bathroom definitely isn't ideal for a new mum, especially if your birth isn't straight forward and using the toilet/washing is difficult afterwards. But don't turn down the accommodation, as they can take that as you not being enough in need. I really hope it all gets sorted quickly for you, just keep reminding yourself that it is temporary and there is light at the end of the tunnel.