To find decision making so difficult

[Kangaroobrain]

I'm not sure whether this is an age thing (menopause) but increasingly I'm finding any kind of decision making really really stressful. Booking holidays, making any plans, even Christmas shopping - just anything really - I overanalyze everything and give myself too many options, taking all the fun out if it and getting anxious.

It doesn't help that DH has always left decision making to me. He's worse than me - he doesn't overthink like I do, he just puts off thinking about it. Right now we actually have some really important decisions to make that will affect our future (investment/moving sort of thing) but we're just going round and round.

Anyone have any words of wisdom?

Have you become more perfectionist?

I think you are right when you say it may be anxiety. There are some very good self help books out there that help you get into the habit of stopping anxious thoughts.

Darren Brown has written some good stuff.

Possibly in some things - I'm quite slack in others (my level of housekeeping, lol). I think I've just become less tolerant of myself making a mistake with time / money etc. I'm always worried that if I make a wrong choice I'll be full of regrets, and I'm always anxious about closing down options so I leave them all open for too long.

The irony is that my prevarication often costs money, of course. Especially when it comes to holidays.🫤

Get some counselling. Even together if needs be. Sometimes you just need an outsider.

When your DH leaves you to make decisions, does he ever comment on the decisions you make? Does he ever say 'Thank you' and acknowledge what you have done? Or does he complain and be negative about your choice?

Is it from your upbringing? My parents were/are ditherers, because we were poor, and they’d grown up dirt poor — the consequences of making the wrong decision were potentially disastrous. I had to learn to be bolder, and there are times I still struggle with make decisions.

Oh my sweet, I so, do soooo feel your pain.

I can't even chose between toothpaste, coffee or a bloody carier bag in the supermarket!

No, he's quite passive usually. Although I think that's partly the problem - he'd just go for whatever is the easiest / quickest option, regardless of whether it was the best thing - he's very bad at strategic thinking. He's great at the routine day to day stuff, but literally never organises anything.

My dad didn't really get involved in much, but even so he was hypercritical of everything, so that could be part of it, I guess.

Exactly! 😆

I was a ditherer. Offered a plate of cakes I’d either pass or take the one that I judged to be least popular so I didn’t upset anyone by taking their preferred cake. No longer!

Read Susan Jeffers’ book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Changed my life! She has the philosophy that indecision is a confidence thing. Her remedy is to ask “If I do this what’s the worst that can happen?” The answer is usually “nothing that bad”. The outcome might not be the best, but you made a decision in good faith.

I volunteer for things I have no experience in, I travel to different places, I buy clothes that I want rather than need. I’m not responsible for how people react to my choices - that’s on them. It is so liberating.