To think he doesn’t deserve special treatment?

[Muxleymoo]

We have 5 year old DD and a 16 month old DS, also have my partners son who is 11 and stays with us every weekend.
This weekend was the first time I went out for some me time since DS had been born and so in my opinion it was well deserved as I really don’t get a minute to myself! My partner did not even have to watch all three children as my step son went to stay with DP mum and DD went to go stay with my mum, so DP only had our 15 month old to think about.
As a result of this though he kindly offered to pick me up at 10pm as DS could sleep soundly in the car, I thank him endlessly for this before, during, and after he’s done it. Once home I straight away took over looking after DS again and was the one who was up multiple times as he wakes up in the night.
Then on the Sunday, I have been asking DP for what feels like a very very very long time if we can buy bunk beds for the children now that his son is quite a bit older then our daughter. As we were planning on moving to a bigger house but with the cost of living it just isn’t feasible at the moment. So we have moved the older children into the bigger bedroom with two windows and we are going to use the bunk beds to divide the room, creating a more private space for them both. DP promised he would finally do it this weekend, so he finally does this and they are ordered.
About an half an hour later he asks me to go put some food in the oven for him which normally I would but if I’m honest I was completely knackered from the night before so said he can do it on this occasion. He then gets grouchy and starts an argument with me about how I should be more appreciative of him after he’s watched our DS for me whilst I’ve been out having fun and now he’s gone and spent loads of money on the children and I can’t even put some food in the oven for him.

This may be more of a rant if anything, it’s just isn’t that what dads are supposed to do or am I missing something? I have just spent over £500 on all three children for Christmas and watch the younger two every day including when he goes to the gym every day, but never get a thank you or any sign of appreciation. Yet dad does it and it makes him SO entitled and I should be bowing down to him for it? Sorry rant over 🙃

Tell your dh there's no I in team.
He sounds like a petulant teenager whining that he's done what you wanted so now you've got to do something for him.
Very unattractive trait.

Well he sounds pretty hopeless and it seems you knew that by ensuring he only had one child to look after for a few evening hours.

Use it as a wake up call that he needs to do more childcare are cooking and all the other boring jobs that you currently do without thanks.

YANBU to resent your DH saying that he watched your DC for you, but unless there is a good reason why you should not have put something in the oven for him I think UAB a little U not to have done so. Unless he was just sitting around doing nothing of course.

I remember the lollipop lady telling me what a wonderful husband I had because he occasionally took the children to school 'for me' - I used to work nights and wasn't exactly having a lie in plus they were his children too!

Your husband sounds entitled and selfish. Stick to your guns. why shouldn't you have a night out now and again? Why is it your job to do childcare and cooking?

Is he usually OK? Could it be he has felt like this weekend he got no time at all?
I see he goes to the gym often

Is it more than this? I'm a bit middle route here.. stating that he watched your ds for "you" would make me see red and I would have ranted at dh if he did that. I can also see a place where your dh felt like his weekend had been focused on others and something that to him seemed small was a big deal for others.

Sounds like you both need a chat about how to make each other feel appreciated.

@DilemmaDelilah we were both sat down on the sofa after I had just made and cleared up from the children’s tea 😅

Oh it would be time for a truth bomb to be dropped in this house!
That attitude is so far beyond acceptable. Was he expecting a fucking parade for doing no more (and actually, far less) than you do every single bloody day?
"In off to the gym, Muxley"
"Ok DH, I'll watch the kids for you"
Every single time.
"I'll get up and feed the baby for you"
"I'll clean the bathroom for you"
Use his own language against him and make him examine why he thinks it's ok one way but not the other.
My DH used to say "I'll try" if, for example, I asked him to hang up the washing when the cycle finished while I was out. Infuriating.
So I started to say "If you try really hard, could you please hang up the washing?"
He's stopped with the "I'll try" now because it was honestly a bit pathetic. He now does. Often without explicit instructions, too!
And he doesn't do it "for me" either, because it's his and his childrens laundry too!

@Backagain23 haha love this! Definitely going to start doing it thank you!

@Enko he is normally ok, but then I normally get on and just do everything so he doesn’t have as much reason to moan! I only went out between 4pm and 10pm so he still had plenty of time for himself, although he does have to take his son back every Sunday which takes up a chunk of that day (takes about 2 1/2 hours depending on traffic) - I unfortunately cannot drive though otherwise I’d be helping more in that department.

Any improvement OP?