Discipline & 2.5 year old

[Doubleespresso33]

Posting for traffic

ok so discipline sounds a-bit militant but the gentle parenting approach isn’t working for the most part like it did with my eldest.

my 2.5 year old has a really strong personality and she’s very cheeky as I’m sure most are at this age but she’s just started to really push her limits and I’m finding it quite challenging.

if she plays up with DH he will put her in her cot for 2 minutes and then go and get her out and ask her to apologise/tidy up (what ever the issue was about), if she doesn’t do it she goes back in. This method really works but I can’t help feel it’s abit mean. We are having an issue with her hitting her older brother and there has been a few instances of hitting at nursery in the last week. I’m worried about using the cot as a time out - will this make her have a negative association with her bed at bed time?

for the hitting nursery said to ask her to say sorry and offer the child a hug or something so I do the same at home but she doesnt care get it.

so I just wanted to know what you all do re’ discipline for your mini dictators? I’m definitely abit of a soft mum so want to implement some strategies before I become a complete push over I’m also a few weeks away from giving birth so hoping to be able to manage this abit better before adding the third 😅 thanks all

I am surprised by your nursery’s advice.
Children don’t feel remorse until much older and hugging someone that you hit is a recipe for trouble- the other child probably doesn’t want to be touched and your child could be hit in retaliation.

How is your DD’s language ? She’s at an age where she’s full of big emotions that she can’t discuss and will be spending the next year or so learning better ways to deal with situations like saying her brother’s name to get his attention or telling him she’s angry/jealous/whatever so he can react to that.

I found that a lot of behaviour could be resolves by offering a drink or something to eat. Hopefully she will learn to express hunger and thirst if that’s the case for her.

I’ve learned as a mum of 3 that you need to tailor things to the child and you shouldn’t compare to their siblings because that’s unfair and in all likelihood it will balance out over their lifetime. If there’s a pattern then try to resolve those but it may be that your ds was more compliant and your dd is more average for her age.

@BoohooWoohoo I am surprised at the nursery’s advice too. I worked in nursery and we would never do this. The child who was hit probably does not want to be hugged by the child who hit. Body autonomy is important and children shouldn’t be made to hug anyone.

@Doubleespresso33 I think your concern about your dd developing a negative association with her bed at bed time if her bed is used as punishment is valid.

There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is about teaching, punishment is about making a child suffer in some way for not conforming to rules or expectations.

Find out the reason behind her behaviour and deal with that. Is it because she is tired, attention seeking, power, lack of communication, angry, funny/entertaining (eg my brother’s reaction when I hit him is funny or entertaining).

In response to hitting: We don’t hit, we use our words. Some suggestions on words: Stop, I don’t like that. I’m not finished yet. Give it back. Any short sentence that deals with the particular situation.

Have appropriate expectations for her age and stage of development.

Redirection works very well with toddlers. I redirected my daughter away from ripping books by giving her paper that she was allowed to rip. I also explained to her why we don’t rip our books.

Catch her doing something right then praise oh that's lovely play aren't you a kind girl, aren't you a kind sister.

Keep her busy can you help mummy ...Watch out for triggers tiredness hunger attention seeking.

Good luck
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At 2.5 I think you just have to keep plugging away at getting down on their level, calmly and firmly say the whole, we don't hit, that's not how we do things, it's unkind, please don't do it or what have you. Or intercept before it happens. Or consider the circumstances. Is there a why? Stop the why. Hungry, bored, tired etc 'use your words' can teach them. Is it over a toy? Tbh at 2.5 I found if it went on and on and it felt blatant - their behaviour - I did try the time out, sit on the stairs thing but they're so little it doesn't really work and would just get up like a jack in the box lol.

The wooden IKEA hammer toy set worked wonders now I think of it. It's a motor thing - yes you can hit that, no you can't hit your brother

https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/uppsta-toy-hammering-block-multicolour-60513889/

She's two, she doesn't understand the concept of apologising, could you encourage your DH to do a bit of research around what concepts a 2.5 year old is capable of grasping?

I don't think you're a soft mum, I think you're a mum who realises that putting her in her cot as a punishment isn't working. It's creating a stand off, she's now a "mini dictator" and instead of strengthening your relationship, which is what you're after, it's putting you on opposing sides, and she's ramping it up.

You need to agree with your DH on a strategy, but for what it's worth I think the proof is in the pudding and the baby jail isn't working and it's time for a rethink.