about birthday party invites

[twentynineteen]

So dd's birthday is near Christmas and we tend to have her party the weekend before Christmas. As this is a busy time of the year and I try and get invites out just after October half term, unfortunately I was a little late this year.

I sent out the invites to her party last week, 15 of them. So far I have received 1 rsvp. She is in primary school but not reception and so knows the children well, I know most of the mums too but I only pick up on Friday as I'm at work most days.

AIBU to be a bit peeved that only one has replied so far (dd's bff)? Surely all parents know how hard it is organising a party and that non-rsvps are so tricky to manage.
I also know that if I don't rsvp within a couple of days I forget as life is busy.

Ps. I'm going to give into Friday to casually ask the parents either in the playground or on WhatApp if the got the invite and if they think their son/daughter can come.

I've never had a party where I haven't had to chase RSVPs. How were they distributed? Hopefully into the parents hands! Several times I've been cleaning out book bags at end of term to find an invite buried at the bottom!

Did you put an RSVP date? I would message the parents individually on whatsapp or speak to them directly on Friday.

I think too much notice is not conductive though. We have invitations for a party in the New Year. People tend not to RSVP too far in advance. But to not RSVP a yes or no with a party after the deadline is very rude. Sadly, not all parents do respond to invites and this seems to be a trend. It makes me mad! So inconsiderate but hopefully more will respond when you approach them directly.

Sorry but 4-5 weeks notice for the weekend before Christmas means that most of them probably cant come.

They should have responded, though.

They probably don't want to say that they are fully booked and can't come to you, and have thought that they are the only ones not responding, so it will be alright. Just ask them in passing about the RSPV.

To be honest some people won't want to prioritise a birthday party the weekend before Christmas. It doesn't matter whether or not you send out the invites months in advance.
Unless your child is particularly close to the birthday child some people won't want to tie themselves down to a party on that day because they probably know that they'll be multiple things to do but aren't sure what they are yet.
I would say that if you decide to throw a party on the weekend before Christmas then you should either plan for a close small group of friends, or do a party that doesn't require booking and paying for activities in advance and so people can let you know nearer to the time.

I think that's too close to Christmas to have a party tbh.

If you are talking about the 23rd it's too close to Christmas, i suspect people are waiting on other plans before replying

Hmm ok - so the party is on 16th December. Is this still to close to Xmas? We've had the party around this date every year (actual birthday 24th Dec) and never had this problem and have had good attendance, with a few no replies.

If feel sad that the consensus is my dds birthday should take a back seat and we should either have it early (doesn't sit right) or push it back into January when everyone (ie parents of invitees) is cash strapped.

But also laughing that there's a fairly even split that I've given too much notice and not enough - probably means it's about right

Sorry OP but I book a Christmas activity every weekends in December, and it's booked by August. It's always so tricky for December and January birthdays isn't it?
I'd WhatsApp all the parents and just ask for a firm reply, can you work out on the class group who is parent to who?

So annoying and rude, OP.

Yes, talk to the parents face-to-face, and frankly I'd have a tick list with me and let them see you actually tick them off!

People seem to have no manners and no imagination sometimes when it comes to responding to invitations.

I only invite via WhatsApp groups now. People are so rude not RSVP ing. WhatsApp seems to be the norm for us, we only ever received invites this way too. Much less stress.

I'm sorry but that is probably one of the worst weekends to plan a party for.

I would probably try and do the week before for next year.

Or maybe a couple of weeks into the new year.

Personally if the birthday date doesn't work for us. We regularly do the party up to a couple of months after the actual birthday. Not a big issue here.

But that is a really bad weekend.

So I'm not surprised you haven't had many replies.

But also if you are on this site a lot you'd know this is really common.

People won't reply until the day before or even the day of the actual party.

Gosh the 16th is far too close, the weekend before Christmas Eve weekend? We’ve had plans for months. Of course it’s a priority for you and DD but it’s not for most others sadly. Failing to respond is rude though, I’d message the group chat and maybe say you know it’s really close to Christmas but DD would love if people can attend

I think the 16th is also too close tp Christmas.

People want to be doing their shopping.

Or may have days out planned with the kids.

Santa's grotto,winter wonderland etc The days before Christmas are packed with activities getting ready for the big day. Fitting in a party may be difficult for some.

I'm in the same boat OP. Daughter's bday is Christmas Eve party booked for the 9th December. I know most of the parents so have chased a few in person. I don't want to pay £20 per kid if not coming and I have to pay this Saturday. My daughter is asking her friends too. If no reply by 25th I'm cancelling them off.

If there is a class WhatsApp group or Facebook group I would post on there asking for RSVP's.

One of my DD’s was also born on the 23rd of Dec and I’ve actually given up on having parties for her every year. We sort of now make it about her like take her out on that day, an activity for her and her siblings etc and if I happen to be speaking to a parent and know they have nothing planned for Christmas then I can invite their child to join. This year though school closes on the 20th so I’m thinking maybe a party on the 21st for just 2 hours in the morning May be a good time for a party. Like it’s still a weekday but most parents might be off work with their children and may not have travelled for the holiday, etc yet

Maybe we need an official Mumsnet list of acceptable weekends to have a child’s party? I imagine there may be a 3-4 weekends through the year which will be considered acceptable…

I have a Christmas birthday, my Mum used to always have my party the same weekend you are talking about. It was always massively well attended because the parents use to drop off kids and finish their Christmas shopping (in the days before Amazon and also before Christmas started in November).

OP I don’t think it has anything to do with the weekend. In fact I envisage most people are free but they are waiting to see if something else happens/how they fee nearer the time. People have just got rubbish this way since Facebook “maybe” and covid.

Whatsapp invites, as others have said, I think are useful. Easier to remind people, easier to respond and also if one responds often makes other people do to.

Do you have numbers could you make a WhatsApp group for the party now with a a “thought might be easier to respond”?

Everyone who's going on saying it's too close to Christmas how bloody rude. She did NOT chose to be born then!!! You expect your kid's birthday to be attended so give back. Bloody selfish of you. Speaking as a December baby I could never understand why my birthday mattered less but I was expected to celebrate others. You're just telling these people that December kids are not worth it! Gets my back up, get of your high horses!

@fairymary87 waves to fellow December baby…

Can I also add people trying to do joint presents (for birthday and Christmas)?

Again, luckily my Mum was militant on this. My DH did this the first year we were together and I explained if he ever did again he wouldn’t be around for another Christmas - he has learnt.

Missing the point of the thread but we normally have a birthday party that weekend (3 boys all with Xmas Day birthdays so it joint) and I love it! Football/rugby etc tend to have finished by then and I try to not peak Christmas too early. We don’t have masses of ‘family time’ like on MN though.

Of course she didn't choose to be born then but what a ridiculous response 😂You can't make people attend the party if they've got other plans, I wouldn't prioritise another child's birthday over xmas activities with my own family! We've got 2 children so it would hardly be fair to not do our usual xmas activities just in case 1 sibling got a party invite. Also, as mentioned by a PP, some xmas activities have been booked for months so people won't be free anyway.
That being said OP, it is rude not to RSVP but did you put an RSVP date on the invite?

You sound a bit traumatised?

Where you told as a child your birthday didn't matter? Or was less important.

It might help OP if she knows the experiences of adults who went through this as kids.

My dd's birthday is right before Christmas so parties always in the week before too. When she was younger and parents stayed for the party, it was pretty hit and miss whether parents had the time so close to Christmas.
Once they were old enough to be left, everyone came as the parents loved the time at home without them to wrap presents!
But there's always some parents that don't reply and you have to chase whenever you send the invite.

It is all a headache - but I would struggle to rsvp now for that weekend. There is so much in flux.

My DD has an august birthday and we have her party mid-July before everyone leaves on holiday. I do not believe she feels this makes her less important to her friends.

I don’t think it’s too close, I’d be happy to take DD to a party then (even better if it was a drop off one) however in my experience most people rsvp about a week or two before

I'd just drop a msg in the what's app grp saying you sent out invites last wk and just wondered if people were free as you're aware it's close to Christmas and people are busy.