To think my gf has a desperately negative relationship with social media

[MaltesePineapple]

We’re both 25 and been in relationship for 3 years. I love her to bits.
I’ve been a bit worried about her relationship with SM for a while, she gets upset if she doesn’t get enough likes on her posts and wants to delete them if so - she also frequently tells me about how everyone seems “prettier” and “classier” than her. She doesn’t use it an awful lot or post that much, but I don’t post anything at all, very rarely. Because of this, she’s convinced herself that I’d find it really annoying everytime she posts something, even though I always encourage her to post whatever she wants.

Shes been struggling a lot with her self esteem for the last year or so, constantly talking herself down. Her appearance is changing slightly, and she’s undergoing thyroid and blood tests to investigate. I’ve never seen her so low and we’re hoping we’ll know why soon. Her hair is really brittle, and she recently had extensions taken out. I think she has lovely shiny blonde hair, albeit a little bit thin, but she doesn’t see this.

The other day I was on my business account and I saw she’d posted a story of her short hair. She was pretty self depreciating and said something along the lines of “thin hair again ew”.
On my personal account, it didn’t come up. She’d hidden me from seeing it.

When I asked her why, she said a) she felt annoying because I “find stories annoying”. I’ve never ever said this.
And b) she says she put the negative comment because she didn’t want people to think she chose short hair out of choice because she said it looks so bad

I’m honestly really worried about her. I’d never tell her what to do but I am worried. She said she would delete SM but we have a trip coming up soon and she has a huge family so wants to keep them in the loop. She also uses it for some positive things such as self help and travel tips.

She knows she needs therapy and she’s on the waiting list, we just can’t afford for her to go private. She’s not always been this way.

Am I wrong in thinking she has a really unhealthy relationship with SM? I really don’t know what to do

Bump

I don't think SM is the issue, her low self esteem is. She needs help.

Ah this is really sad. I think you need to talk to her and say how concerned you are. Why dont you suggest a no SM january to delete apps from the phone and disable all SM accounts for a month to have a break.

she will have white knuckle it but, after the first week she will find it a lot easier x

It does sound really difficult.

I do think though that this use of SM could be an effect of her mood, not necessarily a cause of it.

In a way to me it sounds like she's not so much hiding her posts from you, as hiding her negative feelings and her focus on those feelings.

I don't really have an answer. I know that being in a relationship with a depressed person is very hard - my dh had severe enduring MH problems including depression. I'm also quite low myself atm and because I know it's difficult to be with a depressed person, I'm trying not to tell my partner.

Do take care of yourself. Make sure you get exercise, eat OK etc. I often think depression is quite infectious in its own way.

Yes she does but the issue is clearly deeper than that. I think even if she got rid of all her social media these problems would remain and be expressed in some other way. She sounds like she has very low self esteem. She probably does need to get on the waiting list for talking therapies via the NHS. Google what services are in your area. Its often better to contact direct than ho thru the gp. I dont know about your area but here you can self refer. Waiting times vary depending on what service you are wanting but for things like cbt its only a matter of weeks to wait for that where I am.

Thank you all for the kind words! Shes really struggling and it’s so hard to see. Shes really lost her spark in the last few months. I have absolutely no doubts that I want to stick around and help her
And I never thought of it like that, I guess there’s more to it than just social media isn’t there. I think she’s on the waiting list for talking therapies but it’s so long!

She might be better off just using WhatsApp or a private app to keep family updates on the trip and to come off social media or make it private and limit it to close friends/family only.

good luck supporting her

You sound like a lovely sensitive partner who isn't making everything about you. Well done.

I'm not sure you can do much with the sm as if you encourage her to ditch it this might be misconstrued.

Why not try and do some little things to support her instead? Little treats of deep conditioner? Hair supplement?

You want to try and boost her serotonin if you can. Sunlight, fresh air, walk in the country?