Husband showing very little concern

[Jollyoldholiday]

Hi all,

I currently have Covid (as does our pre-teen daughter). Daughter feels much better today but still off school as still testing positive.

I’m on day two and feeling really unwell (awful back pain, sinus headache, dizziness when I stand up, sore throat, temperature). Have spent the day in bed and husband has been WFH and looking after older daughter (though she is pretty self-sufficient).

I have asked for one cup of tea around 6:45 this morning (he’s sleeping in the spare room) and gave up and got it and a drink for our older daughter (younger one was still asleep) myself after waiting for 20 minutes.

He asked me mid morning if I wanted anything - I just asked for a drink, which he took 20 minutes to bring (he had a gap between meetings and got distracted doing something else).

I haven’t asked for anything else all day.

Around 5, after collecting our younger daughter from school, he finished work and took her to her swimming lesson. While they were out, my headache and back pain got so bad that I was crying (yes, I know that’s a bit pathetic). I messaged him about 20 minutes after the lesson finished to ask where he was and they had gone to the chip shop. I asked him to come home as I was in a lot of pain and worrying our older daughter. He refused and said he wanted to get chips.

Have just had an argument with him over this - with him telling me I’m gaslighting him.

AIBU?

Thanks if you read this far

You wanted everyone to go without dinner because you don't feel good?

Am i the only one who wants to be left the fuck alone when ill?

He could be a bit more attentive with popping in and asking if you need a drink but YABU to try and demand he comes home and not get chips after swimming because you want what? A bit of attention?
He's busy and trying to get dinner for him and the kids, you're being a bit silly imo.

I do hope you feel better soon though, perhaps dial back on the Florence Nightingale performance next time he is ill if you feel hard done by.

Honestly how was him not going to the chipper help you? Were you miraculously going to get better when he came through the door? You are crying at home and worrying your daughter…so you insist he comes home and not feed everyone … for what?? How on earth does his presence make you better. How long would it have taken to get a chippy? You sound very over dramatic.

You are being dramatic, I feel bad for your husband.

Also you were well enough to argue with him but not well enough to let him go feed the family. Ridiculous.

Thanks for the kind (and less kind) responses. Food for thought

@Jollyoldholiday it's not about the chip shop, it's the whole picture. Usually you crack on and juggle everything, yesterday you felt rough and fragile and just wanted him to step up and be kind and thoughtful, which would have bolstered you emotionally. Instead his indifference has made you feel worse. Lots of men are like this, wouldn't be a deal
Breaker for me but I'd certainly think twice next time he's ill and wants TLC

Thanks @barbieofswanlake - that’s exactly it

Whilst I get what @barbieofswanlake is saying, and she has a point, there is the point that he was working from home. Therefore he is required to work. If you needed more then he should have taken the day off.

I do think you are being unfair on your husband.

"wanted him to step up and be kind and thoughtful"

...by canceling the food in the chippy and rushing home, for no reason, worrying their young daughter in the process?

I think the issue is if he's wfh, he's working, not there to nurse anyone. He made you a drink during his lunch hour and he's collected your dd.

If he was in the office you wouldn't expect him to do either.

But I get that you are feeling rough, and it's horrible. Hope you feel better soon.