German Exchange

[ilostmyhearttoastarshiptrouper]

I'm a worrier so I'd appreciate opinions as to whether I'm being crazily overprotective or whether I am right to be concerned.
DD goes on an exchange trip next week. This is for one week which crosses over a weekend. The idea is that the middle weekend should be with the family. However, we have found out that the exchange student is not going to be there (she has a part time job) for much of the time and DD will be left to her own devices in the house (the parents will be there but this isn't really the same). Vague plans are being formed about her going to another person's house but with no clear idea as to how she'll get there or back. It seems that the parents of this other girl won't be home at all that weekend so they won't be providing transport.
It all seems a bit of a shambles and I'm close to withdrawing my daughter from it. She is 16 for context.

My AIBU is more of a WWYD. Happy to be told to chill- or otherwise!

I'd ask for some firm plans to be made. I remember my school exchange, the parents disappeared skiing for the duration of the trip and left us to it! At least there will be adults in the house for your daughter.

How does your DD feel about going with these vague arrangements?

I’m not sure I’d be concerned as such, about her safety (assuming everyone has been vetted), but it seems very rude and inhospitable. She’s basically going to be sat in the house all weekend, with her hosts parents? That’s not much fun for her, I’d not be terribly pleased either.

Looking at it from the other perspective, I was your daughter when I went on my own German exchange (many years ago now!) and my exchange partner had a commitment on the weekend I was there. She arranged for me to go with one of the other exchange girls and her partner (someone else in my class) on a shopping trip instead to the nearby city. I could've stayed with the parents at home but that would have been super awkward, as nice as they were. Trying to make polite conversation with other parents you don't know at that age and in another language wouldn't be too fun for a full day! I was much happier being with the other girls my age. We got the train together as the other girl walked round to the house I was staying in and got me on the way to the station. Didn't know the plans in advance but it all worked fine. I was 15 at the time. Your daughter will be fine.

It wouldn't bother me. I went on exchange to Germany at the same age and we worked in a primary school during the day and walked back to our host's house alone while we waited for them to finish school. At the weekend I remember a lot of drinking shots of Kleiner Feigling while bumming around town in a big group, like regular teenagers. 😁 Good times.

I'm a teacher who organises exchanges and this does sometimes happen but needs to be risk assessed. Problem is that the G staff and parents tend do things quite differently. Email your DDs teacher and ask that they specifically request the teachers in G to address it with the family and provide full details.

Don't withdraw your DD. An exchange will be such a good experience for her.

Meant to say that if a partner had a part time job or a driving lesson or whatever which can't be rearranged then we say it's their responsibility for ensuring that their visiting partner gets to a friends house so they're never left alone.

Chill. She’ll be fine.

At 14 I went on a three week exchange to France. This was early 80s so no mobile phones etc. Arranged by the school and we all just got on with it.

It can be a great experience for the adaptable.

Chill out, she is 16. Just send her with a good couple of books in case She is on on her own at all and trust they will sort something. If you get over involved it won't help your daughter, part of an exchange is learning independence and about how other cultures work. My German cousins rode their bikes to school across Hannover independently from age 8 30 yrs ago, I loved doing things differently when we visited them.
Exchanges are always a bit hit and miss, I remember my friend's French exchange partner loving the grand prix and making her sit through 6 hours of it on TV. She got over it.

These replies very much sum up my views. The German girl will be out for 5 hours on one day and 7 hours the next so my DD basically has to either find a means to get to someone else's house or stay with her parents.
DD isn't the most confident girl and I'm worried she won't speak up for herself and is likely to spend a long time in her room that weekend...

Also a teacher who organises exchanges. Please don't withdraw; it's an amazing experience. We ask UK parents to ensure they put plans in place at the weekend if their child is going to be busy with sports or work and the same us expected of the Germans. Contact your child's teacher- preferably by phone- with your concern and see what the plan is. She will probably be able to hook up with another participant from your school and their German family. Things tend to be more casual there. Lots of cycling, free time etc. Hope it goes well.

I'd ask the school what safeguarding they have in place

I have contacted the school but haven't yet had a response. She has spoken to DD but not me.

Surely your daughter can entertain herself for a couple of hours though...just take a book.
It's Germany not a war zone, how is it a safeguarding issue to leave her?! To me this is a bizarre overreaction and unhelpful for you to interfere...surely your 16 year old can speak up for herself when she gets there if she needs anything? The whole point is that they go abroad and learn life skills too like...um...independence and resilience?! Me as a 16 year old would have been mortified if my mum had insisted on seeing a schedule of every moment of my German exchange and had complained at the lack of enrichment activities put on by a host family...it's actually pretty rude!

WTAF😂

WTAF?

For example - they may give them all the teachers phone number or suggest she spends a day with them instead.

Can your daughter get the local taxi/uber equivalent app so that she can easily get a taxi to go and join another pair and get back to the house again after?
if there isn’t another pair she can join can she see what there is to do in the local area - does the city have a walking or cycling tour she can join or a museum to visit
Don’t withdraw her but it is good for her to organise something to do during those hours so that she isn’t nervous about them in advance, isn’t bored and doesn’t feel like she has wasted the time.

The last thing a 16 year old wants is to spend a day with a teacher!

The girls is 16. She can cope by herself for a few hours. Stop helicoptering.

Off point I know but I wonder if us teachers on here know each other IRL. Those of us German/MFL teachers still running exchanges are a pretty niche group! 👋

Have you had this exchange yet OP? How did it go?

My DS15 is going on an exchange to France in a few weeks. He went on one to Spain last year & had a whale of a time, so not his first exchange experience.

However, he is pretty negative about this time as most of his friend group is going to Spain & he doesn't think he has anything in common with his partner! He is a boy into gaming, theme parks & football, she is a girl into music & dance 😬 He did initially think he wouldn't know anybody on the trip, but actually he knows 5 other lads & gets on with them, albeit they are not friends as such.

It's such a worry & I just hope he has a good time. 10 days is a long time if he is miserable & we are worried!