Overnight stays with new born baby

[Tayla92]

Me and my partner have split up and I am pregnant. I have a while to go yet but the conversation arose about having overnight stays when the baby is born. Personally I will not be comfortable with this and would prefer to wait until the baby is a little older before agreeing to overnight stays. I am planning to breastfeed so not sure how that would work, I am going to express but have been told to ensure baby is fully to grips with the breast first and this can take weeks. I would also like to make sure they are in an established sleep routine.
I have said to my ex partner that once this is all in motion then I would be happy to agree to overnight stays. He also lives a couple of hours away and the thought of my baby being so far away upsets me just thinking about it!
He is quite angry and upset and thinks I’m putting boundaries in place for no reason and I can’t stress enough that this is not the case. I want my baby to have a proper bond with their dad and have even agreed that he can come round every day when the baby is born so he can form a bond with them too!
Am I being unreasonable?

Many women cannot express. I couldn't either time, despite finding breastfeeding ridiculously easy.

He can complain all he likes, but when the time comes, just tell him you are exclusively breastfeeding and unable to express. He can hardly ask you to prove it!

I wouldn't want him coming round every day either. Does he not work? Where will he be staying if he lives two hours away?

Tell him he is stressing you out and you will discuss it all properly once baby arrives.

Search here for previous posts. There is useful information, almost a formula, about how much a baby can be separated from it’s mother at what age.

From newborn, no.

Definitely not.

Everyone is different but I would not be away from a baby before the age of 1.

Breastfeeding can take ages to establish. Bottle feeding is a new skill. Your baby would be uncomfortable, scared and hungry to be away from you. A couple of hours in the car doesn’t sound ideal either.

If he feels this strongly, he can move closer to you or travel to your house. The baby’s interest should be his priority, not his own.

This is my point! We are arguing over a scenario that doesn't even exist yet, and I don't want to agree to anything until the baby is here and we know everything we need to consider.

Sorry, should have explained! His mom lives around the corner from me so he would stay there initially.

I have tried to find but couldn't see anything relative. Will have another look! Thanks

I breastfed until age 2 and had no joy with expressing at all. I could sit attached to a pump for an hour and be lucky to get 2oz. Its not a given that it will be possible.
If you want to and can breastfeed, nothing should interfere with that, especially overnight stays away from you.
Breastfeeding aside, I wouldn't be letting a newborn stay away from me.

I wouldn’t be away from my newborn at all. As others have said, there’s no guarantee you’d be able to express a full supply.

I’d also be slightly concerned about all those long car journeys for a young baby.

But at the end of the day, you don’t have to justify yourself. He can either come visit or move closer. Otherwise tough tits for him.

@Tayla92 I think the court will deem it that while baby is breastfed and also under a year old the father has no right to overnights.

If you post on the relationships board you'll probably get better and more advice, also on the divorce/separation board (but relationships gets more traffic I think).
But please don't panic. He's behaving badly and he's not likely to get what he wants just because he wants it. It's not in the best interests of the baby.
Best of luck.

Don't engage in any more chat. You are just wasting your time discussing hypotheticals.

I think you put it back on him and say overnights will depend on engagement and relationship with the baby. All that is tbc and will be decided when baby arrives.

It’s in your baby’s best interest to have short frequent visits with dad in a familiar environment. That means he comes to you several times a week. If you can’t stand to have him in your home you can meet him somewhere nearby.

there is plenty of information supporting this position . It’s about what is best for the baby, not what is best or convenient for the parent. He should really consider moving closer. Living so far away is going to be very difficult not just now but on a continuing basis.

Make sure you get some advice from a solicitor. Consider not putting him on the birth certificate so he has to apply for parental rights.

Thanks all xx

If you’re breastfeeding they shouldn’t be away from you overnight and a court wouldn’t enforce that. Overnight weaning isn’t recommended until at least 6 months, preferably a year.

He doesn’t need solo overnights to be a good and involved dad, and he needs to recognise it’s not in your baby’s interests to be away from you overnight as a newborn.

Draw your line in the sand now OP - and stick firm

Anything less than 1 yr is too young to be away from you. He's deluded.

And 2 hours each way? That's too long for baby to be in a car seat

As PP have said, don't put him on the BC, and give baby your name

I wouldn't even entertain this discussion now. You don't know how how you'll feel when the baby is here. While you can't imagine it now, you may be glad of the chance to sleep, so keep your powder dry. Just be very clear that you will be the one to decide when the time comes and you know what's best for you and the baby.