MIL issues 🤣

[sewingqueen]

I'll try and keep this short 😬
Me and OH haven't been getting on for months!
Long story but I asked him to move out weeks ago and he did last week
MIL has always visited at least once a week with OHs aunt
Yesterday was the first visit since OH left

I have 3 children to previous marriage and 1 to OH
I was mid conversation with aunt (MIL on her phone as usual) when MIL asks aunt if she knew this woman cause her husband had died
the aunt answered too which made me more annoyed

neither of them asked how any of the kids are since OH leaving (they've lived with him for 5 years
And during her visit she said to my 2yr old ' ah I'm going home come on freda' just because he wouldn't cuddle her or do as she asked
He's 2, she doesn't play with him or read him a book etc she sits on her phone the majority of the time then when it suits her he has to jump
He was tired and under the weather yesterday which I had told her

OH seems to think this is fine and she's different to my family so wouldn't ask if kids were ok etc

So my question is AIBU to think they should ask how the children are after a significant life event or am I being an arse
And how would you feel being interrupted and ignored and the way she is with my 2 year old?
Don't know if it's me being emotional cause my heads a mess?

Surely she should see the child/children when your ex has them? It's not for you to facilitate anymore. I couldn't get annoyed about her asking the aunt if she knew someone who'd died, but her visits seem pointless if she doesn't engage with the children

Why is she still coming round? She can see DC when your ex has them. Not your problem anymore

Only my 2 year old is her grandson and OH can't/won't have him on his own
My other 3 children call her nanna and she treats them all the same Xmas and birthday etc
I just expected one of them to ask how they were

Honestly I think you're being over emotional. Can't really see what she's doing wrong

Gently..... she's irritating you but really not anything dreadful. You're hurt and going through a lot

I was mid sentence and she was scrolling through Facebook it wasn't a friend or even someone she knows well just someone who lives in the village that's what annoyed me

Why are they coming to you? They sound like a PITA and in the circumstances this sounds like a recipe for stress/ resentment. Civilly suggest that they visit when your ex is in charge in future.

They should see the kids when your ex has them.

“Only my 2 year old is her grandson and OH can't/won't have him on his own”

Eh?

So your ex can’t manage a 2 yr old on his own- why not? You have, what, 4 kids on your own? Plus in this situation he’s have his mother and aunt to help?

What happen with the other kids us up to you guys but I wouldn’t be entertaining this arrangement for much longer.

I wouldnt ask how the kids are in front of the kids, how is that beneficial to the actual kids? The interrupting, I mean I couldn't get worked up about that. Her leaving because your 2 year old wouldn't cuddle her is ridiculous.

I would simply advise her she needs to see the kids now when your ex has them. Then it’s up to him to sort it

I don't see anything wrong in what you described. Three of you are in the same room, asking one of you a question and for the person answering is surely perfectly appropriate. Would you rather the aunt ignore the question? This would be more bizarre.
I also would not feel it is appropriate to ask small children how they feel that daddy left the family. They maybe should have asked you but also you don't sound as though you are currently in a right emotional state and maybe they got a hint.
ah I'm going home come on freda - no idea what it means and why you take issue with it.

So is your exes child not seeing him now? Please don't tell me you are facilitating contact so he doesn't have to take care of his own bloody child?

Tell him he takes DC to his home/out somewhere and takes them to see his mother and aunty whilst he's at it. He sounds pathetic.

My 3 children were upstairs so she could've asked or even messaged but nothing

But the 2 year old was in the room and nit upstairs?

A 2 year old wouldn't understand if they asked how my older 3 were they discussed other things and he's oblivious playing with his toys
I don't think saying 'how are your 3 doing are they all ok' is wrong in front of a 2 year old
Maybe I'm just too nice and expect other people to be the same
My first thought after any break up would be are the children ok?

Maybe I've worded it wrong
I was talking and mid sentence when she interrupted me by talking over me to the aunt? How is this not rude am I being old fashioned
And the I'm going home come on freda' thing is so my 2 year old does as she wants cause he doesn't want her to leave
She said it at least 3 times and 1 of the times was because he wouldn't cuddle her???
My OH doesn't drive and his flat is a 1hour round trip for me and I'd have to take DS and pick him up and OH refuses to change his nappy so I'm not happy leaving him
MIL just messaged as normal saying will you be in tomorrow (wish I'd said no now 🤣)

Perhaps she didn't ask because she was nervous and it would have been interpreted as interfering, give it time.

So if you didn’t bother to take your child to his dads, he wouldn’t bother seeing him?

He really is a cunt isn’t he? Won’t even change a nappy? I would stop taking him and cease contact with MIL if she’s annoying you.

It sounds like that's just her way, with the phone etc. Yes, she's annoying but she hasn't actually done anything to you. Some people just aren't very thoughtful.

Again you have much bigger issues here if your ex won’t even change a nappy. I think I’d stop worrying about a relatively minor incident with your MIL and focus on what you’re going to do about that. Personally FWIW I would not facilitate anything for her or him from now on, otherwise you’ve got years of being taken advantage of to look forward to.