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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AiBu - but also what could I have said as a come back

26 replies

Namechangedforthis25 · 20/11/2023 09:37

Queued normally in the station cafe Nero. I go there all the time and know the score.

stepped to the side and waited for my drink.

besides me a longer queue of people was forming and one annoying woman said: “hmm there’s a queue”

I said: “yes I’m collecting” (I wanted to ask: “is that ok?” But didn’t)

she said: “oh ok, you know I’ve never done that before (I wanted to say: yet you thought you’d Mention something today)

i said; yes I really wasn’t jumping the queue. And said that a couple more times awkwardly and then got my coffee as it was ready

and then left for my train

the whole queue of people was watching.

It’s silly but I’m already hormonal - and after having 3 hours of sleep from having a toddler and baby that don’t sleep, and getting ready for a meeting - I really resent having an annoying woman making me feel embarrassed for no reason

how would you handle this? And what smart quip would you say back? I can remember should this happen again

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 20/11/2023 09:39

It wouldn’t enter my brain to have a smart quip, it was just a misunderstanding and if anything she should have been embarrassed to have got the wrong end of the stick. It’s a nothing encounter, enjoy your coffee and move on with your day

Bluevelvetsofa · 20/11/2023 09:41

The British queuing system gets people worked up so often. Best just to leave it as you did, without further aggravation on either side.

squashyhat · 20/11/2023 09:43

If I was sleep deprived the last thing I would be getting into is a silly non-event like this. Get a decaff, get on the train and get your head down!

waitholdup · 20/11/2023 09:45

erm, you had queued, and you were waiting for your drink..?

None issue

Luxell934 · 20/11/2023 09:49

I think I would have just glared at her, waited for my drink then walked off.

AutumnFroglets · 20/11/2023 09:54

There's no need for a smart quip to this as it was just a misunderstanding that's all. She mentioned there was a queue for ordering, you said you were collecting. End of conversation.

HolySkirts · 20/11/2023 09:55

AutumnFroglets · 20/11/2023 09:54

There's no need for a smart quip to this as it was just a misunderstanding that's all. She mentioned there was a queue for ordering, you said you were collecting. End of conversation.

This. You don't need a comeback. She misunderstood and was probably mildly mortified if she gave it another thought.

Mikki77 · 20/11/2023 09:57

"I'm a grown up and well aware of how it works thank you." Then ignored her. Hope you get some sleep tonight xx

Chunkychips23 · 20/11/2023 09:59

Hormones and sleep deprivation. It wasn’t as bad as you may feel it had been. That woman probably hasn’t given it any more thought. Let it go and enjoy your very much needed and deserved coffee x

Inthegrotto · 20/11/2023 10:08

Do you mean you'd ordered via an app and were simply collecting, and this woman didn't know that was a thing and was pointing out there was a queue?

Then, when you told her you were collecting, she said that she'd never done that before?

Or, had you already queued and were simply waiting to collect? And, when she said she'd never done that before, it confused you - does she mean she'd never queued at that place before?

The whole situation sounds like a bit of a farce. You did the right thing. No need for a retort or a quip. A huge smile works much better, then the other people in the queue think what a lovely human being you are!

ManateeFair · 20/11/2023 10:17

There is no comeback required. It was literally just a misunderstanding which was resolved when you explained you were collecting your drink. That's it.

I get that you're sleep deprived etc and that everything feels like it's magnified ten-fold, but this is absolutely not the drama you seem to think it is! Don't give it a second thought. It's nothing.

zingally · 20/11/2023 10:18

I honestly can't see/understand the issue?

Did you queue, order, pay and then move to the side to wait? That sounds very normal.
If the other woman failed to understand the process, that's a her not you problem. Honestly, you should have forgotten the entire interaction within 30 seconds of walking out with your coffee.

Scarydinosaurs · 20/11/2023 10:20

She misunderstood what was happening, it doesn’t make her a bad person.

Everyone gets stuff wrong, it doesn’t really matter.

I hope your day gets better.

Zimunya · 20/11/2023 10:20

"Yes, there's a collection queue, and I'm in it." Which is more or less what you said :)

Minglingpringle · 20/11/2023 10:26

She misunderstood, made an honest mistake and obviously felt bad about it afterwards.

A come-back would have just made everything more unpleasant.

I often think that the reason we fail to make clever come-backs in the moment is that our brains are rapidly factoring in all the circumstances, including whether or not it would be unnecessarily aggressive. The instinct not to lash out is often the right one and our non-confrontational sides often make the best decision.

You overreacted by feeling so hurt but we’ve all been there.

Inthegrotto · 20/11/2023 10:27

Might the woman have simply been commenting that there was a queue?

FictionalCharacter · 20/11/2023 10:31

It isn't clear what the aibu is, but there is no need for smart quips. You told her you were waiting to collect, that was all that was needed.
If you wanted to reply to her saying "I've never done that before" you could have just smiled and said, "no problem, don't worry about it". That makes it clear that she is in the wrong and you are forgiving her. You made your embarrassment worse by repeatedly saying you didn't queue jump, which you didn't need to do.

Cosywintertime · 20/11/2023 10:32

I think maybe the sleep deprivation has got to uou. She didn’t understand , really this is no big deal. She was polite. Let it go, not everything beeds to be a fight.

Heronwatcher · 20/11/2023 10:34

I think you’re overthinking. She basically apologised to you when she said that she hadn’t done this before. Everyone else there either saw you queue or saw you collect a drink you’d already ordered. Total non issue. Smile and go on with your day.

mondaytosunday · 20/11/2023 10:51

You said the right thing first time and no need to say more - she acknowledged her mistake so it's done. You don't need a 'come back'.

longtompot · 20/11/2023 11:19

I had a similar thing when collecting dinner from the fish n chip shop. I ordered online and was given a time to collect, which was when I turned up. There were a few people milling about outside the door as this was during covid and they were limiting how many people could be inside. I went to go inside and and was told 'there's a queue you know!' So I just said I've ordered online and am just collecting. They still looked annoyed but who cares really. I just got my order and went home. There were two labelled queues inside as well, one for online orders and one for in store ordering.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 20/11/2023 11:50

This is just a normal life interaction. She thought you were jumping the queue, you explained you weren't, job done.
In an ideal world she might have apologised, but she didn't.

Let it go.

Maddy70 · 20/11/2023 12:56

Neither of you were wrong she asked you a question ?

grass67 · 20/11/2023 13:03

"queuing is for losers" Then just say "I'm just collecting" smile. Bigger things to stress over.

TheresaCrowd · 20/11/2023 13:07

She did nothing wrong, all she did was point out there's a queue in case you didn't know Confused

Also, if you're not the sort of person to be able to think up your own smart quips, really don't bother because you won't be able to deliver it properly so you'll sound like a twat.

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