Supervised contact - what is happening, should I be concerned?

[NannyMcPhee2]

Ex partner only has supervised contact in a contact centre at a frequency of once a fortnight for two hours.
This has been the way for several years owing to quite significant findings of domestic and child abuse. At this point, unsupervised contact is not an option, however` the court will be reviewing whether contact is to stay supervised or supported my a family member in the coming months.

Ex is a narcissistic parent. I have some significant concerns about the things he says to her during contact (which are documented via contact report) but my latest concern is how careless he is with DD and whether or not I should raise this.

The last few contact sessions, DD has sustained injuries as a result of him not being careful or watching her, yes I am fully aware it happens to us all, but he only has two hours of contact every other week and it seems to be happening regularly

The injuries include things such as, him throwing her up in the air so high she hit her head on the ceiling. Giving her a piggy back but not watching how she got onto his back and she banged her knee on a radiator and now has a nasty bruise, cutting her fingers whilst she was snipping with scissors, cutting herself when she fell off a climbing frame when he didn't watch her.

Should I be concerned here? I was thinking of asking my Solicitor to write a letter to him but not entirely sure how it should be worded without telling him what to do or giving him reasons to say I am controlling.

I am really concerned after the last incident where DD has a horrible bruise on her leg.

How old is she?

I would raise that you are concerned about the number of accidents she is having in his care. However it is normal for kids to fall off climbing frames so depending on the extent of the fall I wouldn't be too concerned about that apart from you say she cut herself in that fall - is the equipment safe?

Who is supervising? Do they not step in when he's acting dangerously?
These aren't great and do raise concerns about unsupervised but you need evidence from the contact supervisor as well.

You’re right to be concerned, can you document dates and injuries for your solicitor to put to the court when objecting to changes to contact?

I'm just going to wait for the latest contact report I think and then address it, like you say evidence is needed. It is actually a contact supervisor from the contact centre supervising.

Do you get a report or something from them? They don't seem to be supervising very well.

Yes I do get a report, they tell me at pick up what's happened but obviously in the presence of my daughter I can't kick off about it. I have thought about it over the course of the evening and feel concerned he's not being careful with her, it; has happened a number of times now.

Why is the contact centre supervisor not stepping in?

It seems more of a failing on behalf of the contact supervisor tbh. Surely, if they thought what he was doing was dangerous they would stop him, not just sit there and watch?

I agree with others. It sounds as if whoever is supervising contact isn’t even there!

There's more than one kind of contact centre, they are not usually supervising an individual to the extent they are able to intervene with piggy backs etc unless the court has ordered 1:1 supervision and they are sitting with them the whole time.

At our centre the supervisors are in the kitchen and by the door being discreet - generally clients are there because of concerns about handing back children after contact, potential substance abuse or large gaps since previous contact so reestablishing the relationship as opposed to the parent being a danger to the child. As an average people tend to be with 6-8 times before the parent starts taking them off site (still using us the transfer the child over) then progress to family supervision instead if open access still isn't possible.

There are higher levels of supervision but that doesn't seem like what is being used here

Thank you.

OP - maybe ask for increased supervision?

i think you need to ask to speak to the manager of the contact centre. some contact centres use volunteers for the actual supervision but there must be an official person in charge surely? in the meantime make sure you document everything including time and date stamped pictures.

I'm afraid you're incorrect. The supervisor sits in the room the entire time. He's never left or they don't leave the room.

Absolutely raise this

Obviously kids get bumps and bruises when playing, regardless of who's watching them, but in this case it does sound excessive, particularly given that these things all happened while he was being supervised.

How old is your daughter? Is she old enough to tell you what happens during her contact visits?

I definitely think you need to document all these things (with photos of any bruises or cuts if necessary) so you have something along with the contact reports that supports your concerns. Given that you say contact is supervised because of child abuse issues (I assume that was abuse of your child, not of other children?) and your child is potentially being neglected in terms of the care she gets when she's with him even just for a couple of hours and under supervision, I would hope that this would be taken very seriously.

If supervision in future was from a family member, would this be a member of your family or his?

I do think a part of it is the supervision. There is literally no harm in just asking him to be careful.