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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum going nuts at me not inviting her kids

41 replies

Jjandboom · 20/11/2023 07:21

I know a woman, she is rather nuts but I like to be friendly and overall she's always been quite nice to me , albeit it very judging of me losing my mum at an early age.

Been to her parties, her kids have been to mine.
Kids are all growing up now and in years 4 and 2 and have their own friends. I did a Halloween party and asked them who they want to come.
Fyi, their whole classes were not invited only 1 from class and others were friends they have met along the way who they adore.

I ended up having them, but having to not invite some even of their closer friends just purely down to having a 2 bedroom bungalow. It's small. And I could not also cope with anymore than the kids I squeezed in.(17!!)

This one mum, her kids and mine do not play together, at all. We say hi and my kids don't hate them or do anything nasty at all we are friendly people but truth be told they don't play.

The mum has blanked me and my husband for weeks now, and I saw her at a party and it happened again. So I asked, everything ok?

Big mistake she went for my jugular, really angry, going nuts, I tried to explain but she wasn't having it. I was the devil recarnate!

I just feel to be honest, it's insane. To go so mad at someone. Worst bit is everyone was drinking so obviously I didn't maybe act how I should of, I was really sucking up to her to calm her down as it was a friend's birthday. Hindsight, I think I should of stayed strong. I didn't mean to purposely leave anyone out! And I'm one person I had to stop with numbers somewhere. This is the gods honest truth.

Later in the evening she went at me for wearing makeup up, told me not to sell my house out right, and then also said why do I even do kids parties anyway it's ott and I obviously cannot handle it ..

I get anxiety , and yeah sometimes things over whelm me..but truth is I love my kids and just try create memories.

OP posts:

2jacqi · 20/11/2023 07:36

she sounds a total fruitcake!! you can have who you want at your parties! as for make up????? wtf!!

welcometothnuthouse · 20/11/2023 07:40

Assuming there were other people there. they would have thought she was a fruit loop. Try not to over think it. Totally batshit.

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/11/2023 07:42

She's crazy. I would avoid having any conversation with her again.

LadyMacB · 20/11/2023 07:44

Avoid her, like the plague.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 20/11/2023 07:45

She a nasty and a bully!
She’s also clearly jealous of you .

Please stay away from her and if she ever starts on you again just tell her where to go .

Keep being you . Just stronger and not assertive with this vile women .

devildeepbluesea · 20/11/2023 07:46

I’m not sure I could get over being judged for having the audacity of having a mother who died.

She’s an arsehole, avoid her like the plague in future.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 20/11/2023 07:49

albeit it very judging of me losing my mum at an early age.

This tells you everything you need to know about her.

NutellaNut · 20/11/2023 07:50

Avoid all contact with her and block her on everything.

Soontobe60 · 20/11/2023 07:51

She’s bonkers, but so are you having a party with 17 children and presumably their parents in your house!

PinkLemons99 · 20/11/2023 07:51

Sounds like you could do with some therapy to improve your self esteem.

The only sensible response to that woman reprimanding you would be ‘fuck off you nosey cow’.

You don’t owe her anything, your time or any explanations.

Mothership4two · 20/11/2023 07:54

She sounds completely batsh*t and, as other's have said on here, completely avoid her/block. You invite who you want to YOUR party - you shouldn't have to give her your reasons or anyone I doubt you are the only one who has been on the receiving end of her nuttiness.

very judging of me losing my mum at an early age

She sounds sick as well as nuts

KaySararSarar · 20/11/2023 07:55

A normal, reasonable person would not react this was OP. Forget how you responded to it, you couldn’t have ‘won’ anyway - you cannot reason with an unreasonable person…

noooooooo · 20/11/2023 07:56

Funnily enough, being conciliatory and obliging to try and please someone who attacks you is a panic response. Flight, fight or fawn. Not everyone suddenly develops nerves of steel when they’re met with rudeness or aggression, so do not give yourself a hard time.

She sounds entitled and opinionated and like she is simultaneously envious and superior. She’s really shown her arse here, so I’d give her a wide berth.

Kirstyshine · 20/11/2023 07:57

Soontobe60 · 20/11/2023 07:51

She’s bonkers, but so are you having a party with 17 children and presumably their parents in your house!

OP’s not bonkers. Party sounds great, and kids are 7-9 so probably parents dropped off. I’ve lovely memories of similar parties for my children, there’s only 5 years or so when they want this sort of mayhem party, and if you’ve the energy/capacity, it’s a really nice thing to do with them.

Kirstyshine · 20/11/2023 08:00

Oh and OF COURSE you didn’t invite her kids - you couldn’t invite all of your children’s actual friends!

Your response to her, as a PP says, is completely normal - fight/flight/freeze/fawn are all normal responses to aggression. Don’t beat yourself up about it; you were trying to avoid a scene and at a deeper level, keep yourself safe.

Member984815 · 20/11/2023 08:44

You reacted in a way to protect yourself, I'm sure other people saw what happened and thought she acted in an uncalled for way.i wouldn't interact with her again , don't avoid her but keep everything surface level only.

StockpotSoup · 20/11/2023 09:23

She sounds like she’s on an express train to Bonkersville with no return ticket.

Canisaysomething · 20/11/2023 09:25

She sounds crazy, don’t waste your energy on her.

Irridescantshimmmer · 20/11/2023 09:37

Just blank her, she's toxic.

You do not have to justify yourself to vinegar tit$. The choice of who you invited to your kids' party was between you and your kids.

She has no right to make demands, you owe her nothing and she owes you a MASSIVE apology because of her obnoxious attitude.

AtomicPumpkin · 20/11/2023 10:11

You are unreasonable, but only for giving this woman headspace. She is obviously either profoundly unpleasant or actually deranged.

VanillaCaramel · 20/11/2023 10:26

From now on I'd keep her at arms length and just let the 'friendship' fizzle out.
If the kids don't normally play together, it's likely that her kids wouldn't have wanted to go to the party anyway.
She's probably a very insecure person. Don't put up with this kind of behaviour whatever the reason. She caught you off guard when you spoke to her but you've since had a chance to reflect on it all. Your kids aren't friends and she is overbearing. You don't need her in your life.

Butchyrestingface · 20/11/2023 10:28

albeit it very judging of me losing my mum at an early age.

Clearly, she needs to be avoided for that reason alone.

JellyMops · 20/11/2023 10:53

The only reason I'd judge someone for losing a parent is if they killed them and even then, if it was a small child I wouldn't! Like if you were one of those toddlers who shot their mum in Walmart, no judgement.

This woman sounds mental. You've done nothing wrong, just avoid her from now on.

ManateeFair · 20/11/2023 11:35

albeit it very judging of me losing my mum at an early age

I mean, personally, I'd have told her to fuck off the first time that happened, rather than waiting for her to go insane at a party

Original poster

Jjandboom · 20/11/2023 11:58

Wow. Thankyou for the kind responses.
One particularly made me laugh about me being mad having 17 kids, and to be fair I quite agree, but they loved it. And most were dropped thank goodness as I don't live in a huge house 🤣

Yeah, I think I will take the advice. I think I just wanted my children to have a good childhood so much at school, and I like to be friendly, I have let a monster in. I need to be more picky, and strong . And also thanks for making me feel better about being a total walk over.... Because I feel so stupid for that!

I will just be polite but decline all invitations from now. Thanks everyone. X

OP posts:

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