Giving up OLD and finding myself instead

[crochetmonkey74]

I've been on a bit of a bumpy journey since a break up nearly 3 years ago. I've had a couple of short flings off OLD, but nothing has stuck and I've definitely lost the love for it. I'm 49 now, and considering a year off dating and just entirely focusing on myself with the hope of finding someone in real life. I'm on a really cool health journey too, have lost 3.5 stone so far with a little more to lose. Has anyone done this? Just given yourself the full focus of your life. Dressed well, always look presentable when going out (I know this sounds old fashioned but it always makes me feel better)
I am slightly worried that if I am not 'in the game' with OLD I will miss out on Mr Right and at 49, I'm also worried I'm getting older.
But I sort of also fancy just not worrying about it, cracking on 'dating myself' (naff way to describe it) and not worrying about it for now. Anyone done this or something similar and don't mind sharing?

I'm going to follow this thread as this is exactly what I need to do. I've just come out of a relationship of 2.5 years. I'm 43 and panicking about not finding Mr right and always being alone but I think the idea of putting yourself first is a brilliant one. You only have one life and loving yourself is really important.

Never dated in my life but I say, more power to you, OP. Find Ms Right instead - yourself!

I did this. I got to 39 and after several years of trying everything - OLD and attending dating events - and only finding people who weren't even in the ballpark, I realised that OLD was just demolishing my self esteem. I decided to take a break, and that if I find someone great, but in the meantime I was going to get on with my life. I was really inspired by a neighbour in her 60s who had never married or had kids but was the coolest person, with a great social life, a fulfilling job, lots of interesting friends, a lovely apartment, and I decided that frankly, that was also an OK option for me.

I decided to make priorities for what I wanted for my life. I started trying for a baby on my own (which eventually was successful), but I also invested a lot in figuring out what I would want from life with no partner and no kid. I decided that if so, I wanted to take on a major commitment outside work, and registered to train as a volunteer with the ambulance service.

7 years later, I'm still single, but I don't miss OLD at all. I'm happy with my life, and I'm open to dating if it comes up, but I'm not stressed about it, because life is good as it is.

I did this. I focussed on my kid, career, myself for a few years. It was after I left an abusive relationship when my DD14 was a year old.

I felt like I needed stronger boundaries, needed to really feel comfortable on my own so I would rather be on my own than compromise for a shit man.

4 years into self focus and celibacy I did meet someone.

It was the best decision I ever made stopping OLD and focus on my own life.

I am about to embark on this journey myself having just come out of a relationship. I need to stop focusing on what could have been and focus on myself, home, kids, work, studies, health etc. I am starting off today and have booked a yoga course which starts this evening so that is the start of my healthy new mindset me. Best of luck to us all xx

I did precisely that. Made peace with my life and built myself a beautiful life. As it turned out I spent 14 months single but met someone and I'm getting married soon (in my 50s) but I mean it when I say I would have been fine if I'd not met him.. or anyone.
I was the healthiest I had ever been emotionally (and still am). If anything went tits up I'd not date again.

I think that sounds like a great idea. Im mid forties and long term single, I have dated when younger and had long term fulfilling relationships with great physical sides, so I just can't be fussed now. Going through menopause and lost sex drive as well, I am still open to meeting someone but its def not the focus of my life.

@Catsmere do you mind me asking if dating never appealed to you or it just didnt happen?

Sounds like a brilliant idea.

Thanks for all the support. I really feel like just enjoying my life and not worrying about blokes until I meet one 'in real life' and have a good time until I do!
So nice to hear all the positive stories on here maybe we can help each other

@nottaotter bit of both, really! Very, very rarely saw any men I found remotely appealing, and was thankfully never the object of interest to any. This is long before OLD existed, it was in person or nothing, and since I avoided bars and clubs I wasn't going to be meeting any.