Judgement on single mothers

[AmyJahabee]

Why is it that single father are seen as brave while a single mother is told she shouldn't have chosen to have kids?or should’ve made a good choice for a husband/ partner etc.

Why do people blame single mothers for the decisions of the absent father who chose to be and remain absent when the mother chose to stay?

As a man who has children, what do you think of absent fathers and their choices to leave their family unit?

I'ma single parent, I’m educated, good career well behaved children. Absent father so I do everything all by myself. I constantly feel judged and people assuming I’m on benefits etc. what if I was on benefits. Just so unfair
I'm shattered emotionally, physically just tired 😪

Because everything is women's fault. That's the way of the world.

Misogyny, for the most part.

I know what you mean though. The bar is ridiculously low for men too - I get asked if their dad sees them, and when I say yes, almost always get, "oh that's great that he's involved." He never does any actual parenting, or stuff like school runs, parents evenings, appointments, shopping for clothes, shoes etc etc. Pretty sure that if my only contribution to their life was to sit in a room with them a few hours a week, it wouldn't be seen as great.

I think people just say things as I get the opposite when I tell people my ex isn’t involved I get told I’m lucky he doesn’t bother 🤷‍♀️

Who are these people who say these things?

Ps. I think that men who are not properly involved in their children’s lives are a waste of space. I have complained many times of my useless “bil” who doesn’t pay for or see his child. There are many single mothers doing a brilliant job of raising their kids and I see them praised often.

@FrazzledDragon lol I know what you mean I'm supposed to say that my ex is great because he turns up (albeit when he doesn't ditch them for work) and pays some maintenance (albeit making sure its the minimum he can get away with)

YANBU my mum was a single mother before she had my siblings and she is amazing. Not that it matters but she was never on benefits, she worked 3 jobs to home us and keep us, studied part time for 15 years to qualify in a good profession. She’s my best friend and an incredible role model to me and my siblings. Ignorant people just don’t understand how hard it is for single mothers IMO

I get asked if their dad sees them, and when I say yes, almost always get, "oh that's great that he's involved."

It’s presumption that you have a fully engaged co-parent, when the reality is that he turns up twice a month, he needs to be reminded to feed his children whilst they’re in his care and does absolutely zero parenting in between.

Hmm.

I don't think I've felt judged. (Other than by myself).

Most people admire my ability to cope alone.

But I don't think people have any idea of the reality of it or exactly how feckless some men can be.

I feel very judged, I find both men and women are quite judgemental.

I find my children are judge as well by others, and their behaviour has to be better than their peers in a two parent household.

I believe that people like to use others to make themselves feel superior. A friend often used the work broken homes - my home isn’t broken and your ‘un broken home’ and the disrespect your dh has for you isn’t to be admired.

just to add my own mum has been judgemental, and will often say how good ex is the have the children. She glosses over the lack of consistency he shows the children.