Father constantly comparing me to my sister

[Sianholby]

Family vent here that’s driving me up the wall. My dad is constantly comparing me to my sister.
She is five years younger than me and is a Finance Director which I have a lot of respect for.

I work as a Project Manager self employed and do this around my three children so not part time.

Everytime my dad comes to visit, he is constantly comparing me to Leah. “Your sister is doing so well bringing in £170K. Your sisters house is now worth £1 million you know. It’s nice to see your sister’s degree is reaping dividends.” etc etc.

hes never complimented me or my husband. We have in a semi detached house, whilst my sister has a house with acres in South Lincolnshire. Everytime he comes to stay, it’s Leah this, Leah that. I know she’s doing well, I speak to her virtually every week.

my husband is a graphic designer and I know we are never going to earn millions but the praise for Leah is just constant. Sometimes I feel like screaming - I’m doing just as well with my own project management consultancy whilst looking after three kids. My dad is such a man that always wants to know what a house is worth and money equals status.
sounds ridiculous but how can I get my dad to see our worth too

You wont

Turn this around - you don’t need his validation. You are doing well, you are happy etc Learn not to need his validation- not easy I know but it’s liberating when you do

There are people who are earning a shitload it doesn’t mean they are happy - maybe she is, maybe he tells her how wonderful you are

So next time he says - X is earning a shitload! Try putting your head on one side and saying ‘is she?’
X has a house worth a trillion- Put your head on one side and says ‘does she?’

Its pointless comparing to siblings and it’s pointless wanting a parent who is hung up on financial wealth to validate the wealth you have as a person
He clearly has some insecurities- my FIL was like this ( and would vastly exaggerate any info eg job status or connections to someone)

Not an easy thing to achieve but you dont need validation from others

Agree with above poster. I'd say "thanks for telling me" and then just look at him blankly for a few seconds. Then change the subject. Everytime.

My sibling is the golden child, as is her husband. I don’t worry about it, I wouldn’t want her life.

Ime you won't be able to stop him behaving like a dick head.

Have had to offload a similarly borish Mother, I'd suggest telling him that if he keeps this up, you won't have him in your house.

I have a degree, high up at karate, work in a better job than my whole family and support myself and my 2 kids but my dad just boast about my brother and how smart he is when he has never worked or achieved anything parent are funny

Ask him if he’s aware that he’s making it crystal clear that he only views one of his daughters as a success when measured by his yardstick: your sister, and purely for material reasons. Then tell him you are pleased for her but you have listened to him do this often enough for it to feel like a very pointed comparison and not a very pleasant one. It’s not on.

I'd start comparing him to other people's dad's. 'Sally's dad just bought a house in the carribean ' 'Jane's dad just took his entire family to Florida' 'Sarah's dad is so proud of all his kids' and so on. Two can play that game.