SIL bailing on holiday

[Peanutcookies]

We booked a trip to butlins in December back in March, thought we’ll treat DH’s much younger sister (early 20s) and asked her if she’d like to come and she enthusiastically said yes. So we thought we’ll make it easier for her and do the 6 hour trip down to her nearest butlins rather than the one closest to us. It’s all paid for (inc meals) and last week when my DH double checked with her about her travel arrangement she said she’s not coming anymore because she couldn’t get leave from the job she started in August, just couldn’t be bothered telling us.

So now we’ve paid for her to not come and are gonna drag two very young children on a 6 hour car trip each way to go to a butlins… if she had told us when she found out in August we could’ve at least try to move it to the one less than one hour drive from us or maybe get some of the money back. I am so pissed off at how thoughtless and ungrateful she is.

AIBU to say that the trip was her Christmas present and she shouldn’t expect anything else from us for Christmas?

YANBU but I definitely wouldn’t go - would cancel and rebook at a nearer one, there surely will be space at this time of year.

Unfortunately we will only get 10% refund because she told us so last minute

Does she have kids? It's a bit mad you chose to book the one near her if she has no kids and could sit on a bus to join you!

Very annoying all the same, just thoughtless.

Tell her! SIL we are going to assume you didn’t know about this so here’s an education, when things are booked there’s always a better chance of flexibility to move or amend things with more warning. So the fact you’ve sat on the information about not coming to Butlins has not only caused us to be disappointed because we wanted to spend time with you but also led to us missing the chance to cancel/change the room size/move to another place. A further education is that by not telling us immediately and holding on to the information makes it look like we are not important and makes you look rude. I’d maybe not go as far as the second point but think you could go in with a stern (ish) life lesson type response.

Are you sure she wanted to go and wasn’t ‘enthusiastic’ to be nice?
Butlins isn’t really a twenty something place.

So we thought we’ll make it easier for her and do the 6 hour trip down to her nearest butlins rather than the one closest to us.

Why did you choose to inconvenience four people, including two children, rather than a 20 yo? You still would have had to drag the kids, regardless if she was there or not.

Just go and enjoy it. Don't make if about her.

She doesn’t have kids. We drive but she doesn’t, hence why we thought we’ll go to her.

@Turnthelightoff thank you that’s the perfect response.

if she was just trying to be nice to be ‘enthusiastic’ about butlins then she’s an even bigger dickhead for letting us pay for everything and don’t tell us until we only have 2-3 weeks to go. My DH and SIL are not close due to the age gap but every time they talked he checked with her about the holiday

I would have a very frank discussion with her about it and the inconvenience you were prepared, happy, to go to to involve her on this holiday she agreed to come on. And then yes, tell her that’s her Christmas present.
It needs pulling up on in a tough love way, family will get over it but she could end up losing friends etc if she thinks this is an acceptable way to behave because no one taught her consequences. Not that missing out a Christmas present is a severe consequence but the conversation should make a strong point.
But still go on the holiday, it’s booked now and you’d lose it anyway.