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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wait another 6 months?

20 replies

overthinkersanonnymus · 19/11/2023 18:01

I'm 36 and have no children. My partner and I tried for about 10 months with no success so, I had my bloods done etc in July and there were no initial issues with fertility.

At the same time as the bloods, my career just started to take off. I now have a really good job that I'd like to concentrate on for a few more months, plus I have some plans for the next few months that just would not suit a pregnancy.

Ideally I'd like to wait to TTC until this summer but on the other hand, can I really afford to wait another 6 months knowing we didn't have any luck with our last stint of TTC.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to waste any more time because the longer I leave it, the more difficult/risky a pregnancy could be. But on the other hand, this year could be a big year for me career wise.

Urrrghh!! Please give me some advice 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 19/11/2023 18:04

I would never advise anyone to wait. I started trying at 38 and it took 4 years and 7 miscarriages.

Ultimately it depends what you really want but if you want children then don’t wait.

Whiteday · 19/11/2023 18:04

I wouldn't wait, but it's your choice and no one can decide for you.

2023pileofshite · 19/11/2023 18:04

All I can say to you is this...
I was 32 having my son. At 34 we started ttc again. After 12 months of nothing we went for tests. Nothing wrong.
I'll be 40 soon. It never happened. If you want children don't leave it any longer.

Pipistrellus · 19/11/2023 18:05

Why not just wait a few months rather than six?

Duckling89 · 19/11/2023 18:05

I wouldn’t wait either, not just because you don’t know how long it will take, but also because the older you are the more likely there are to be health issues with the baby and you might also find pregnancy more difficult. If it’s a big year for you career wise, would your partner consider taking time out for paternity leave instead of you? Or could you cut short your maternity leave?

wokbun · 19/11/2023 18:06

Do you have exams you need to take? They might let you defer them if you become pregnant?

wokbun · 19/11/2023 18:06

Duckling89 · 19/11/2023 18:05

I wouldn’t wait either, not just because you don’t know how long it will take, but also because the older you are the more likely there are to be health issues with the baby and you might also find pregnancy more difficult. If it’s a big year for you career wise, would your partner consider taking time out for paternity leave instead of you? Or could you cut short your maternity leave?

And yes, you could cut short your mat leave?

maybein2022 · 19/11/2023 18:06

If you were 26, I’d say wait. At 36, I wouldn’t wait. Has your partner had any tests?

Original poster
overthinkersanonnymus · 19/11/2023 18:07

To be honest, these responses are what I wanted to hear. I know it's stupid to put it on hold any longer at my age.

It's already proven to not be an easy process as we had no luck in nearly a year.

OP posts:
googledidnthelp · 19/11/2023 18:09

Don't wait. It might take another 12 months or another 5 years.

The chances that it will happen in the next 6 months might be slim but if it happened the. You'd be as young as possible...

Undisclosedlocation · 19/11/2023 18:12

If you had to choose just one to accomplish, which would you most regret not doing once you look back at age 60?

RantyAnty · 19/11/2023 18:27

I would probably keep trying while giving your all to this job.

Has he had his fertility tested?

Luxell934 · 19/11/2023 18:29

You don’t have the luxury of waiting if your 100% sure you want children.

Keep trying whilst working on your career.

Original poster
overthinkersanonnymus · 19/11/2023 18:36

DP has had he's sperm analysis and that was all fine too. Obviously there could be an issue with my tubes and I wouldn't know about that without investigating.

I think everybody is right regarding not having the luxury of time.

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 19/11/2023 18:51

I wouldn’t wait, but probably wouldn’t make an extra special effort to try and conceive for the first few months, so wouldn’t be tracking ovulation etc. and start that if it’s not happening initially. Your career will take a hit, that’s unfortunately part of being a female and taking time off to have a child, but you’ve got many many working years ahead of you where you can focus on your career, far less years where you will be able to naturally have a child; if that’s what you want.

Pipa42 · 19/11/2023 18:55

I would usually say you can afford to wait 6 months at 36 but definitely not over 40, however considering nothing happened in 10 months previously then sounds like lower than average fertility so would just get on with it

Original poster
overthinkersanonnymus · 19/11/2023 19:11

Thanks to all who have given r their advice.

I think we will just carry on not preventing and I'll concentrate on work in the short term. If another 6 months goes by and we've had no luck, I'll know it was the right thing to have kept going.

OP posts:
Duckling89 · 19/11/2023 19:12

If you give it another 6 months and nothing happens you will be able to get help from your doctor, this will be more difficult if you’ve been on birth control.

PeloMom · 19/11/2023 19:15

My advice is to go to your doctor and say you’ve been trying for over a year (or whatever the timing is right now that you qualify for investigation) and get both your fertility checked (you and DP). In the meantime you don’t have to try but at least you get an idea if there are any diagnosable issues. Bloods is one small part of the equation- you need to have investigation for blocked tubes, etc.

VikingsandDragons · 19/11/2023 21:07

2023pileofshite · 19/11/2023 18:04

All I can say to you is this...
I was 32 having my son. At 34 we started ttc again. After 12 months of nothing we went for tests. Nothing wrong.
I'll be 40 soon. It never happened. If you want children don't leave it any longer.

Sadly same story here. I had my first at 27 and second at 29. We started trying again when I was 34 and now 6 years later still nothing and no reason other than 'fertility declines with age'

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