Grandparents dictating holidays

[SuzySheepsSleepy]

My DH and kids, my parents, and my brother and his family, all live in the same town, very close to eachother and see eachother regularly. There are an assortment of kids between my brother’s family and my own. My parents are not especially interested in the grandchildren and openly admit to not being ‘child people’. Fair enough. We get together as a family fairly regularly but my parents don’t involve themselves much in the grandchildren or their activities. My brother’s family and my own spend quite a bit of time together however as we have kids of similar ages and we all get on. My parents have recently decided to move to another country and have bought a second house for this purpose. They have not sold their original house and they plan to live in the other house overseas and just return for a couple of months every year to catch up with us and celebrate Christmas. And this is what they have started doing. This other house is a fair distance to get to - so a few hours to get to an airport for us, then a 3.5 hour flight, and then a couple of hours travel at the other end too. And of course not cheap to travel to. When they go, they go for the full 8-9 months and don’t return at all during that time. They have also bought in a rural location with very little around them.
We have all been very positive about their decision and I strongly believe they should follow their dreams and find their happiness and they do seem very happy with their decisions, so all good.
However they are giving us quite a lot of guilt for not coming to visit them. My brother and I (and our partners) don’t have any desire to visit the area they have moved to and we tend to plan holidays which are cheaper and centred around the kids (ie near a beach, or a swimming pool, or kids-focussed activities). I feel that if we went to my parents’ new house it would be an expensive trip and there would literally be nothing for the kids to do as they live in the countryside with nothing close. I also can’t help but feel that this was their dream, and we have been supportive of it, and we do make a big fuss when they come back, but we shouldn’t have to pander to them and change our plans and holidays we have looked forward to as a result?

Do you have children? It is not a ‘holiday’ to have to entertain young children with nothing at all to do in the area, in the heat for a week with disinterested grandparents!
Just because they want visits….

Cheeky fuckers. Hate it when people move and then moan because you dont visit. Tell them they can pay and provide activities for the children they dont like and it might convince you.

@Lastchancechica

Yes, I have a son and was a single parent, although he is now an adult. Our holidays were usually to unusual places actually. We eschewed the formalaic hotels with water slides and kids clubs, it wasn't my scene. We explored the local countryside on local buses/trains and investigated the flora and fauna and any archealogical sites, museums or historic buildings. We'd make a fire in the evening and cook food over it, identifying the stars or inventing new games and songs. Because we chose untouristy places my son would usually make friends with the local kids and pick up some of the lingo. It is essential that parents interact with their children but the notion that they must be constantly entertained is a fairly modern concept and leaves little room for imagination or spontaneous fun. I'll bet most kids would treasure the memories of my son's holidays (like the day we saw a group of porcupines in the wild) rather than visits to theme parks, water parks or kids club competitions.

I am so curious to know where this is!

What do your parents do when they are there?
Have you been at all?

I wouldn't be going. It sounds like they have bought a place in the arse end of nowhere.

Whilst I don't like lots of noise and nightlife all around when I am on holiday, I do like to be near to some decent amenities (bars, restaurants, shops, the beach, a pool etc.). That tends to suit children more too.

They sound like some of these couples from A Place in the Sun who think that the whole family and all of their friends will be out visiting on a rota all the time. I bet it rarely happens quite like that after perhaps an initial flurry of interest.

Added to that, yours have admitted that they are not really interested in the children, so why would you take them there?

Just go on holidays you want to go on. Don't be dictated to by your parents.

My in-laws did this. South of France, arße end of nowhere and just a really boring place. Went twice for a duty visit, they rarely ever visited us when they lived 2 hours drive away anyway. They got annoyed that we wouldn’t visit, but they didn’t spend time there in school summer/Easter holidays (too hot!) so realistically we couldn’t go while kids were little.
Not inclined to take AL and kids out of school to spend time with distant GPs in a place we didn’t like.

I get what people are saying at there must be something there, but OP probably doesn't wanna settle for their kids playing Monopoly bored for a week or two for a holiday no one wants to go on that takes up too much time, effort and money. If I was expecting my kids to travel more than a few hours I'd be making sure it was worth it for them!

You're doing right to not go if you don't want to, you didn't make the decision for your parents to move, they did that and they knew what it would mean. Maybe they just hoped you would all see it as a free holiday home to go stay at and an excuse to get abroad more and they're disappointed it didn't work out that way, but if they wanna see more of their family they could always make the trip home more.

Yes - not a million miles from this sort of description to be honest, so yes there is a bar and that’s about it. No beach, no pool, very very hot in the summer months. My DH and I actually know the place fairly well and have been a few times pre-kids and it’s nice without young kids if you plan to lie on a terrace, soaking up the sun, drinking wine and reading novels. I don’t know anyone with young kids who is managing those sorts of holidays any more?! Very much an adult sort of holiday.
To all those saying that they prefer not to do the organised kids club style holidays, we also tend to avoid these! We do tend to holiday in places near a beach however as we love everything about this - swimming, walks, beach BBQs, crabbing, etc - the kids adore it and so do we.
I really don’t love the idea of taking my kids somewhere where I have to spend all my time entertaining them in 40 degree temperatures with no air con and no pool…

They know where you live…

Entertaining children in 40 degree heat with no air con or pool sounds like a literal nightmare. I wouldn’t be doing that. As others have said arrange to meet the family elsewhere of just do your own thing

YANBU.

I'd be tempted to message something like "No thank you. We wouldn't dream of shattering your peace by inflicting our children on you in a location where there isn't much to keep them occupied. I doubt that would be a holiday for anyone 😂! Maybe in eighteen a few years when the kids are a bit older."

Maybe go with other family members who have children and just go once. My parents only moved 70 miles away but thought I should visit them and stay with my kids even though they weren't really interested in them. That said my children are grown up and my parents are dead so maybe it was right for me to bend around them as I have never felt I was in the wrong for not going more often which was usually every school holiday.

I feel for you. My mum moved abroad when I was pregnant with DC1 to an isolated house 20 minute's drive from the nearest small market town. There are no public transport links. I can't drive. She hasn't visited me for 13 years, but got very angry when I couldn't get time off work during the school holidays to visit.

Nope, I wouldn't do it either OP. They can moan all they want, but they were the ones who decided to move. What do they do all day??

I live abroad and fully accept that the onus is very firmly on me to make the effort to go home as I am the one who left.

Went on holiday to arse end of nowhere (rural France) this summer and had no idea what the fuck we were going to do.
Turned out unexpectedly to be an amazing holiday. We swam in the lake where there was also a brilliant adventure playpark for kids, joined in local festival traditions, went to the museum and ate and drank yummy local food.
Can you do a bit of research about the area... maybe there are some hidden gems there?

Meet them somewhere accessible for all of you, and select a suitable place for your tastes, needs and wants. Job done, visit done, kids and adults happy. It's a compromise and life is full of them.

Could you travel there, stay 3 days, and then move on to somewhere child friendly in that country?

But you’re not obliged to - they chose that place and you are entitled to say that it is not a child friendly holiday place.

As our family, including parents have moved far and wide, we have always taken turns visiting.

“We would love to see you. Why don’t we go on holiday together, somewhere that’s more child friendly, what about x?” Send them this message. If they continue to invite you then you explain that their home isn’t a good choice for your family.

That is really sad. 💐

HELL.ON.EARTH

No way would I put my children through that - the lack of sleep in the night time temperatures alone.