One sided play dates

[AhBiscuits]

DS, who is 6 and in Yr1, has been been best friends with a boy Max since virtually day 1 of reception. They adore eachother and play so beautifully.

Max's family are always inviting DS on big days out; theme parks, aquarium, zoo etc. They always message me and say
'We have a family ticket for XYZ, can DS come and make use of the extra child space?'

Thing is, I can't really repay the favour. I have other children and can't fit Max in the car. I have him over to play and go local places, but can't really do full on days out. Also they go on this sort of thing a lot more than we do, it would cost a lot to try and keep up.

Is it unreasonable to keep letting DS go but then not doing the same in return?

For context, Max is an only and lives with his grandparents. His mother died when he was 2 months old and his dad sees him infrequently. There are no other family children they could take.

Of course it's oK. It's only on Mumsnet that absolute reciprocity is demanded.

Invite his friend for tea and playtime at your house x

If it bothered them they would stop taking him

It sounds like they want your DS and would be disappointed if he didn't come, so carry on! Invite him to yours or the park etc when you can.

There's an awful lot of identifying information about this child in your post.

Weird.

As a mother of an only child, I was so bloody grateful when a friend was available, I’d happily have paid the ticket cost (and here it’s free) just to have the playmate for my child. If I felt at all “transactional” about it (and I wouldn’t) I would have felt that it was me that owed you. Don’t sweat it.

I would imagine they are only delighted to have his friend on their days out. Guessing they are slightly older as grandparents and don't have the time energy to be his only source of entertainment. Their days out probably wouldn't be as enjoyable without your son. Think of your son a paid for entertainment and then you'll have no guilt! LOL
You having him over to the house gives them a break which they are probably also grateful for.

Sounds like you do reciprocate as best you can though.
Plus as the parent of an "only" often having another child along is much easier than taking one on their own (who then wants you to join in with stuff)
As they keep inviting him I assume your ds is well behaved and they get along well. I wouldn't stress at all.

Tbh as a grandparent, i would invite a friend for DGC probably because it takes onus off me to play and be as active for once... I have DGS and its exhausting....i adore him though. I cant keep up sometimes so having a little friend of his to invite would be like a break for me lol

Sounds like they are buying a family ticket on purpose so they can take an extra child. Normally it’s cheaper to buy two adults and a child and onot becomes worth getting a Family ticket if you have two kids.

I would carry on having him round for dinner/play and say to the mum/nan that you really appreciate them asking him and you’re sorry you can’t really reciprocate with the same sort of days out but you love having him over and hope she doesn’t feel you are taking advantage!

Agree with what everyone else says. They are probably grateful that max has a playmate.

If you do feel awkward, you could always get the grandparents something - afternoon tea voucher maybe - and say you will have max when they go? Or similar. Something to show appreciation.

It sounds as if they are glad to have a nice friend for Max to play with. Don't underestimate how much having your child's friendship enriches Max' life. My Mum always took my little sister's friend on days out because her parents split up and none of the parents wanted to keep her and her 2 younger sisters so they all went into care. My Mum had a family card to admit 2 dc. My sister's friend was a lovely little girl and I know if I didn't want to go as I had a hobby I preferred to do my sister would have hated going alone. It didn't cost my Mum any more to take my sister's friend as they took a packed lunch, except maybe an ice cream.

I think it's fine as you are still making an effort and inviting him to do things. It doesn't matter if the activities are not as extravagant. The grandparents will be aware your circumstances are not the same as theirs. They are inviting your DS because they want to, not to get the same invitations back in return.

Sounds absolutely fine - you are still having the child round, even if it's not to do the same sort of thing. I agree with PP re a nice present for them, or maybe offer to buy snacks or meals for the next outing.

I only have one child and we usually buy a family of 4 ticket when we do things so we can take a friend with us. I love being able to take someone to keep my child company, she loves it too. I wouldn’t care at all about anything not being reciprocated, we just get a lot of joy seeing her and a friend having a brilliant time! I definitely wouldn’t want anything back in return. Circumstances sound very hard for Max so I’m sure if they didn’t want to do it they wouldn’t.

It's totally fine

Sounds like they appreciate your son enormously and it makes their lives easier too

Mum of an only here. I was always delighted to take another kid along.

Thanks all, I'll try not to worry about it too much then.

His grandad has just dropped him home after their latest adventure. I'll invite him round for tea soon. He does like coming here, DS has a lot of toys that he likes playing with.

I have had 2 "only" children one an adult and one same age as your child so I fully get the other family doing the family ticket stuff as we have done that before. For example the cinema locally to us is cheaper for a family ticket than 2 adults and a child so we take a friend with us basically for free. It can be the same at other places or only £1-5 more to add on an extra child. It's company for the only child and makes it a better day for them. Don't worry about not reciprocating though, we would never expect it back, although a home play date is always nice. We do it for company for our child and it doesn't cost us a lot more than it would anyway.

OP it's perfectly fine. I have an only child and she would much rather have a friend with her then boring old mom. We do things just us of course. But days out she's always allowed to take a friend. I would never ever expect to be paid back in kind or otherwise. Look at it this way. You have raised a child so nice that they enjoy him accompanying them!

You reciprocate, just in a slightly different way. You are offering time within a family including siblings which DS's friend doesn't get at home. I'm sure the GP's appreciate what you offer and wouldn't want you to feel like you should be doing big days out too.

I've always invited DC friends places because it makes DC happy I also get that inviting my DC to their house might not be possible for many reasons, again its fine. I don't see it as a transaction and as a pp said outside of MN i doubt anyone reasonable does either ☺️

Maybe give your DS takes money for lunch, drinks etc. as your end of the bargain fulfilled 😬

My child has a friend like this, Dd is invited regularly because she is well behaved and easy going, and gets on v well with their daughter (who is less so!).

We invite the friend along with us sometimes if there is space in the car, but we are busier than they are so it isn't as regular.

I also get the impression Dd is invited because their child would be a pain on her own, so at least she is entertained if she has a friend round.