Can’t cope with working full time! What is wrong with me?

[Lazymumdinner]

Went back to work in March and landed a brilliant opportunity in September in the same company. This whole weekend I’ve been in tears because I can’t cope anymore. I wanted a career for myself and I have it but now I’m thinking do I really need this? Would I be just as happy in a admin role or working in a shop part time? I’m sick of working everyday then spending my Saturday Sunday cleaning and trying to spend some time with my kids.

I won’t be able to spend and save like I do now but I’m fine with that I will make small cut backs.

Does anyone else feel like this? Or is something wrong with me? It’s absolutely killing me.

I'm a lone parent, full on career and DD14 etc so very busy too.

I understand your thoughts and often the first 6 months in a new role is exhausting. I changed company august 22, I was absolutely knackered first 6 months, but I'm now fine. Got into my stride with it.

Honestly I'd say push on through, get a cleaner, stop sweating the small stuff. You'll regret running away in my experience.

Only you can make the call

But for a start sounds like you could Spend on a cleaner

Are you on your own?

Are you doing this all on your own or do you have a partner?

It sounds like you've just passed the honey moon phase of starting a new job, and now the scale of work feels enormous, which is really really normal. You will also have burnt through alot if reserve energy, which is pretty low when you have a young family.

My advice would be taking a downtime day, either a day of annual leave and you do NOTHING, you just recharge your batteries.

You can't make good decisions when tired and emotional, so focus on getting yourself on an even keel, take every shortcut in the book.

I do alot. I’m also a single parent (dcs 9 and 15). I’ve always worked full time save for mat leave (and that was fairly short as I was self employed then). So I think I’m just tired - I’m 45 and it’s just all getting a lot now.

Also I’m now public sector and the salary never matches the level or responsibility- you basically seem to get paid what would be a fair wage for the grade below responsibility wise.

Retirement or the ability to go part time is a long way away too.

How old are your kids?

No I have my hubby he is great and does the majority of it. But he doesn’t clean like I do!

I think my biggest struggle is being stuck to a computer all day 5 days a week. All I do is count down to the weekend. I hate it so much

It is nothing to do with you, but is very dependent on the role. I have worked PT, FT and compressed hours over the years and FT and children has been the worst by far... even with very good wraparound care and a cleaner. Some roles are just more demanding and FT means FT++++. Even if you drop a day or two the requirements don't change and all you end up doing is the same work for less money.

My personal favourite was compressed hours with a bit of flex on start/finish time. This gave me some time each fortnight to get on top of things and enjoy the weekend while still having the benefits of FT pay.

Speak to your employer and see what options there are for you.

Kids are 7 6 and 1 and I miss them so much my whole life is being sat upstairs all day in the office I feel so absent from their lives.

I work pretty full on hours, I have a cleaner to ease the burden so I can give my free time to the kids. I also make sure we have things planned on the weekends so we're not hanging around wasting them. I have my own business so it can be all consuming, I prioritise holidays and weekends away which I can do as I'm earning well working all hours.

I wouldn't sacrifice our fun times to enable me to clean more, I'd rather pay out for people to do the grunt work and still have enough to live than scrimp and save

I worked part time when ds was little so I could do school runs, keep on top of housework, etc and was ‘lucky’ enough that mum did when he was tiny so I had inheritance to top up when I went back after maternity.

I have recently gone back to part time after working for a place that was absolutely awful - 12-14 hour days, working weekends and constantly bullied/whined at by the business owner who had form. It really affected my health and happiness and my MIL just told me to stop as ‘there’s no cure for death’.

working part time now. Now much worse off, lovely people, nice job… you can’t always see ‘out’ when your nose is against the grindstone.

The only thing I've worked out as a strategy for coping is trying hard not to actually care about my job for more than the hours I'm paid for. And also to not work as hard either.

If you've worked up from shop/admin job, then I think you have this idea that every minute at work should be spent working hard because that's what retail managers expect.

But it's also why very few people spend a whole working life in those jobs, it's pretty much humanly impossible. You're not a Terminator.

Just remember during work hours the 'work smarter, not harder' mantra. You can fit in all your home life admin into work hours if you're clever, which should leave weekend ls free for more enjoyment.

Maybe it's not the right job if you're bored and unhappy?

If you hate been on a computer it sounds more like a job problem!
However, I felt the same and when my third child was a baby I decided to quit and spend some time with him and got a part time job in a shop. It was so much easier and I had no stress, no work coming home.
When he was older I went back full time but o am really glad I did it. It was like a weight off my shoulders.
I also had a 7 and 4 year old.
My husband actually thought it was a good decision as it took a lot of stress off him and I could do more life admin.
If you are happy to cut back then go for it. Only you know what will suit your life.

It's not just about the here and now, it's about the future. If you are happy not being able to potentially support yourself and your adult children as well as you could, then stop now.