To think this is equal?

[Needynuzzle]

I think that my DH and I have a relatively equal relationship with DS 14m and he’s always telling me how much he does. He’s FT, I’ve gone from mat leave to PT, I’m still breastfeeding all night and then throughout days I’m at home. I do all cooking, he does all cleaning. We’re generally happy with household split. Because of BFing I do all bedtime.

Problem arises, my girlfriends are looking at booking a weekend away but waiting for me to confirm, I’ve spoken to DH extensively, basically a no because DS won’t sleep without me. Caveated with “but I’m still going away with the boys in new year”. Would you agree with him - my fault for still breastfeeding? Or we’re both equally entitled to time (or lack of) away?

Surely if you start weaning him now you'll be able to go?

I guess it is problematic if you’re still breast feeding . If you want nights away you need to wean your baby….it probably is a bit unfair to just walk away for a night and leave your partner to deal with it as well be upsetting for your child

Can you try expressing? Will he take a bottle?
are you going far? If nearby could DH bring DC for a feed?
Id be cross he’s so keen to make sure his weekend away is protected though!! You also need/deserve time away with friends.

I'd probably be ok with husband going but also plan a spa day or similar with girls (which didn't involve an overnight) so it evens out a bit.

I'd be aggravated by the "you have to stay but I'm going with the boys"

"I don't go, you don't go" that's equal

I still breastfeeding my 15 month old prior to naps and sleeps.
My mother and partner are both able to get him to sleep without my boobs.
I would try to get your partner more involved with bedtime now so that when it comes to your weekend away, they’ll be ok?

DS will be 17 months, he doesn’t really need milk. He eats really well during the day, just love to nurse for comfort when he wakes at night

I guess I just want someone to tell me that it’s ok to have a break

Of course it’s okay for you to have a break. Why wouldn’t it be?!

He needs to do a few nights before you go away. That’s really all.

By that age, both my kids still breastfed to sleep but could also be put down by my husband if I wasn't there. It would be possible for him to manage without you with some expressed milk, depending on how fussy your wee one is, assuming he's willing to give it a go (though I'd try just with putting to bed/ dealing with night waking before going on a weekend away)

Of course it’s ok to have a break

I was still breastfeeding my first born at 14 months but undertook regular business trips, some of which require an overnight stay. Perfectly possible - with a partner who is prepared to do his bit. If yours isn't pulling his weight, you've got a problem. Don't have any more children with him unless he gets up to speed

Of course, you have the right to go away. Or rather if he has the right, so do you. He needs to get some practice in.

I think the voting results are off because your OP it sounds a bit like you think he shouldn’t be asking to go away if you can’t.

but you’re asking if you’re being unreasonable to go away - absolutely not, is there nobody else who can have baby if husband isn’t willing? Any Grandparents? Can you practice with a bottle in the night? There might not be a solution unfortunately though, I imagine if you’ve breastfed this long you won’t want to ween baby for a weekend away. Could you ask husband to start practicing bedtime on Fridays for example where he tries till midnight before you intervene? And that way everyone can sleep a bit longer on Saturday if needed?

Sadly might just be a case of waiting for the next girls weekend.

You need to spend some bedtimes out of the house so DH can practice and DS gets used to dad putting him to bed. He doesn’t go unless you go. That’s equal.

It’s up to you if your child is still breastfeeding at this stage and your husband shouldn’t be held back from going away because of it.

You have a choice to stop the feeding at night if you want to go away soon too. I don’t think it’s fair for you to continue letting your child use your breasts as comfort and then to take that away suddenly leaving your husband to deal with the upset on his own.

Have the trip you want, just stop the feeding first.

If you want to go away for a few days, you need to build up to it. It would be so unfair to just suddenly not be there for your child and you'd probably end up not really relaxing anyway as you'd be worrying.
I'd talk to DH about a plan to build up his muscles so to speak, and wean DS off the boob. There needs to be alternative source of comfort up and running so that you are happy DS will be fine.
You are entitled to as many breaks as your DH though, he's a twit if he thinks otherwise. I just left my own 15 month old for a few days and it was bloody marvelous! I EBF too but weaned before going back to work. Was so ready to be child free for a few days!