For feeling that life is passing me by?

[Pipou]

Hello, advice please. I'm in a rut and I don't know how to get out of it. I am in my early 40's and I feel like my life is passing me by. I have a disability as a result of a car accident plus I've had a few hospital admissions recently (one of two weeks thanks to a stomach bug) and one last week. I also have to go back to hospital for a minor procedure next week.

I see family and friends out doing so much and I feel life is just passing me by. I have a wonderful partner and toddler. I'm also self employed but I've just lost all interest recently. I know I'm lucky, I have a wonderful family, a stable roof over my head and a business but my health is crap, I've had this awful cough for weeks and we just don't go out. I'm tired all the time and I'm stressed due to an ongoing legal situation.

Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can change things or feel better?

Thank you

Sorry you're feeling this way OP.

Is there anything you can do to mix things up a bit, do something for you? Like a new hobby, get some nights out with friends/ family in the diary or a holiday?

Sounds like you have a lot going on so it's understandable that your not on top form.
My only advice is to just put yourself out there. Only you have the control over your life to make changes, so if you feel life is passing you by, it's because your allowing it to.
Easier said than done though with bad health so I'm certainly not criticizing or judging, I just know I've had to really force myself to enjoy life sometimes, because I've had no motivation for it. Trying to change my mindset really helped me.

Is there anything you can do to resolve the legal situation? Can you settle or take the loss or whatever? It sounds like you might be depressed. Might be worth a visit to the doctor and maybe you might want to get the cough checked out. I put up with the most awful sore throat for ages and it turned out I had a bacterial infection and antibiotics took care of it quickly.

Thank you for the replies. I do try and get out but my health is preventing me from doing quite a bit. I really enjoy arts and crafts programmes. I booked myself on to a pottery course but didn't complete it because I was in hospital.

I've messaged an acquaintance to meet up soon but I so often cancel things because my health is unpredictable.

The legal situation is getting me down as I should have had a resolution yesterday but I haven't heard anything. It's been dragging on for nearly six years.

I was supposed to be at the hospital for an hour this week, it turned into seven hours. I've had xrays etc. on my chest but they've just written it off as a cold.

I'm just very physically and mentally tired.

I feel the same. I'm also early 40s and became disabled this year. My whole life was based around being active and the outdoors. Now I can't do that any more. I have no kids and just feel stuck and depressed and without a purpose.

I have a wonderful partner but he works long hours and I work mainly from home so feel quite isolated and spend 90 percent of my time in my own company.

I guess I haven't figured out what my "new normal" (ugh!) is yet now I can't do the things I used to. But I'm too depressed to try anything new so just waste time watching shit tv and waiting for the day to end.

No advice but sympathy.

@garlictwist I'm so sorry this has happened. It's so difficult trying to find a new normal. I spent a while just getting to know my triggers. I think the best thing you can do is to give yourself space and be kind to yourself.

Personally, I'd avoid Facebook groups about your disability. Many are filled with misinformation.

It sounds like you've gone through a lot.

I find, when things are beyond your control, the best thing to do is lower your expectations. It's ok to not be out every week. Being busy doesn't make a better life. In some cultures/communities/countries, there simply isn't the money to be doing lots of extracurriculars. They work much of the week if not everyday.

To me, it sounds like you're winning. A loving family isn't achievable for lots of people.

Try to see what you do have rather than what you don't. All the best.

@WhichIsItWendy I agree wholeheartedly and usually I am a very positive person. I'm just very tired, my disability has flared up and my legal issue is stressing me out. I struggle because I want to do so much yet I'm so physically restricted.

I remember feeling like this. I had to do 100% of the parenting so was unable to have a career, date or do anything else for 10+ years. I decided to open doors myself instead. I took as many courses in my spare time as I could, did loads of exercise snd built up an online following and got qualified and took my earnings from just above minimum wage to £30 ph alongside a ft job.(Just here and there training people). But that's not the point. The feeling of not being powerless and trapped is the point and I had felt that way for a long time.

Find something you love. Create something that is yours that nobody can take away. Build your self belief and self worth. Keep fighting and make the goal the thing you work towards every day no matter what or who tries to stop you or tell you you can't. Invest in your own growth and development. Nurture yourself. Having goals has changed my life. I have achieved things I would have never believed were possible before because I didn't stop trying.

There are lots of free courses out there OP. Find your dream and chase it.

I'm sorry, it sounds like you have had a rough time lately. I believe stress impacts the immune system so that can't be helping. But sometimes small changes make a big difference. If getting out and being active is tricky at the moment, how about some new hobbies or interests that you can indulge from home? Several people I know have got into sewing or crafting. Or rather than meet up with a friend, can you invite them over - no need to prepare a meal or anything - coffee and cake or shared takeaway?

Thank you. Stress definitely does have an impact on the immune system. Our toddler has come down with a stomach bug and has been sick for the past 36 hours. I've now started being sick and it's not helping the feeling of utter helplessness. I'm probably going to have to cancel my procedure on Wednesday as I have a chest infection and vomiting bug.

I always try to see the best in things and even took my watercolour paints and pens into hospital to keep me occupied.

I am considering what I can do next in life. Just right now everything feels so very difficult.