A little awkward or not?

[newMumm1]

my DD started reception class in September and her being my only child I’m having to navigate a whole new world! It was decided by the class instead of presents for 25 lots of kids the parents who are invited will just transfer money into account of parent if parent is having a birthday party. So far everyone has had a whole class party. I’ve got mixed feelings but just went along with group decision.

Well today was my DD’s birthday party! 20 kids parents transferred the amount class agreed with and 4 didn’t. I didn’t think anything and just thought maybe they’ll just give a present on the day (which was today) but no nothing today! I find it really awkward and I’m a bit annoyed as out the 4 that haven’t 2 have had a party already and I transferred money and the 3rd one is the lady who actually started all this faff - it was her idea to do this but she hasn’t! The other one I suppose is a genuine mistake so I’m not too bothered.

it’s a little awkward isn’t it as one of them who hadn’t paid their kids party is in 2 weeks. I obviously will transfer. I just think this situation just makes what should be a nice time a little transactional. I would t have cared but it wasn’t my idea to set this transfer thing up! Would you be annoyed? I do have a tendency to spiral so please talk me through this. I know it’s not personal but I’m kind of pissed off at the whole set up. I don’t want to be checking whose given what etc.

We’ve had this and didn’t like it for similar reasons. Yes it’s logical but takes the joy out of opening lots of individually wrapped and chosen gifts.

I’d probably bite my tongue for now. But get in there first (late August) to bin this stupid idea for next year.

@Got2getout i agree

So don't check who transferred and who didn't. I can't believe you wasted your time matching up the payments to people

Same. I couldn't be arsed with this.

20 people have paid so you've got a minimum of £100 in your bank account.

Buy your kid some gifts with it.

I know it's annoying, but if this was the case, I wouldn't waste my time cross checking the parent register and payments.

Just stop doing it if you don't want to do it and say 'im not doing this any more I'm just going to get X a gift from my DC going forward'

@newMumm1

You said the mum that started the whole thing was 1 of them that didn't transfer her money. Has she ever given to any of the kids? That you will probably never know. She could have set this up for her own financial gain. It would be interesting to find out if it's the same people not contributing to the birthdays. The only way you would know that is by asking the other mums who contributed for their child and who didn't but I don't know if I'd personally ask unless I was pretty close to those mums.

I would put a message on the WhatsApp group that once all the birthdays are done you would like to withdraw from the money transfer and buy gifts for the birthday child and leave it at that. If you really want to get your point across you could say you give to all children on their birthday and it's really disappointing that not everyone has done the same for mine.

I understand some people may be low on funds like others suggested but that's not always the case, some people are just takers. If someone can't afford it they could have sent a private message saying I'm really sorry but it's not doable at the moment, that's what I would have done anyway.

It's not money grabbing at all. If they all opted into it then they are all obliged to contribute.

Yes people may not be able to afford it but there's also takers out there that will just take and give nothing back.

Ha ha... 'opted in','obliged to contribute'. Have you conflated legal concepts with the arrangements for a child's birthday party per chance? Nobody has an obligation to buy anything... Some people cannot afford it and that is fine. Honestly you sound crass and ridiculous.

Well they should stop taking for their own child's birthdays if they don't want to contribute. If you agree to this then yes they are obliged unless they are struggling financially.

I like how you just singled out 1 thing I've said and ran your mouth with it (or fingers) and ignored my post where I mentioned people struggling.

You my dear are the crass and ridiculous one here and may I add an argumentative @rsehole 😁

No one is ever obligated to give a birthday gift. It's not "payment" for being invited to a party. So I do think the whole arrangement is basically completely crass.

I can understand though why it seems tempting. Kids get so many things at these parties they don't need. There's an appeal to having some cash to make the event nicer rather than just a bunch of stuff you have no room for to deal with.

I'd not say anything OP. It's a bit annoying from the parent who suggested this method, but the others maybe can't afford it, and I'd never mention it to them. Asking for gifts is rude.

But definitely don't carry on with it next year.

Are you actually here to give people advice or just looking for arguments? 🤦‍♀️

I commented on a post where someone was advising that the OP should message the 'non payers' asking them to transfer the money and my view was that this was crass. So yes that is my advice - it is crass and so do not do it. It is obviously nice to receive a present for a child's birthday party but in no way is it ever an obligation. To me this comes across that you are only willing to ask children on the understanding that their parents can afford to buy a present, whereas the invitation list should be about who your child wants to be with. So to reduce this to a transactional exchange of gifts/money is very crass in my opinion.

I agree, the whole thing is batshit crazy but if they all agreed to it they should all be contributing unless they are struggling. My point was there are people that will just take and have no intentions in giving. I do wonder about the intentions of the person that set it up. It's interesting to see if it's the same people not giving at every birthday but are willing to take for their own child's birthday

My thoughts exactly 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP it’s super annoying and the person who suggested this set up and then hasn’t paid is a cheeky fucker!!! However I would let it go to be honest…. Your child had a lovely party with their friends and now has some birthday money to spend.

However, if you ever had the option to ‘opt out’ for future you could do that

I agree but I imagine that people felt pressurised to participate in this weird arrangement. It is so bizarre to do this. I think that having presents is so much nicer for a child at their birthday party. My kids used to love coming home after their party and opening up their presents, even if they were erasers or something it is still fun for them. Cannot imagine why a bank deposit would ever be suggested as comparable: to me this is something that an adult who sees the price of everything but the value of nothing would suggest. It is stripping the joy out of the child's birthday party! Trying to recoup the costs is more important than seeing their child's enjoyment of opening up presents. And then counting who has and has not paid... It is too transactional and strange for me.

You wouldn’t message someone who didn’t bring a birthday gift to ask where the gift is, so you can’t message asking for the money. That would be really bad! I find it strange that you’ve been cross-referencing everyone who has paid or not paid. Having said that, the whole arrangement is ridiculous, opt out before the next school year.

😆😂

I would msg the woman whose idea it was to set up this scheme and ask her when she will be transferring you the money, I wouldn't msg the others

Kids love getting presents. The only reason I can think why the other mum started this was to boost her own bank balance. I think op should text the group and say she wants to withdraw from the bank transfer thing once all the birthdays are over and give a present instead. It only takes one person to speak up before the others say we'll actually I don't want to do this anymore either.

I'm afraid you are coming across as money grabby. £5 might be a lot to some people. Maybe they didnt like the idea of the "paying a fee" to attend a kids party set up. Or maybe their banking app has gone down or a million other things.