how did you trust your partner/dh/DW would TTC with you?

[selmaandpattybouvier]

Let's imagine you meet someone and say you want children, they say they do too. You get married a couple of years later and then say, actually I don't want any, sorry. Or, I don't want any for X number of years (which doesn't correspond with your timeline). It's quite a scary thought tbh, how were you able to trust your partner or spouse wouldn't do this? Or did they? Sorry I'm not quite sure how to word it.

Husband 1 pretty much did this but I was still fairly young when we separated. He always said the right things but never did them so the warmings were there

Husband 2 was banging the drum for kids and is just a far more trustworthy person who has always done what he says

Sorry to hear that, I'm glad you met someone who was very keen to have children with you. I guess it's the actions that count, people will do what they want to do.

You could use a polygraph test.

If they’re unwilling, you just have to take them at their word and be willing to end it if they don’t walk the walk.

Because we’d had those discussions, at length, in the cold light of day, before we got engaged. Not at all romantic but I wasn’t up for being mucked around. We’d also discussed what we’d do if we’d been faced with infertility (we were lucky enough not to have these plans tested). Add to that DH being much better with children of all ages than I am (he had two much younger brothers) and I never fretted too much.

I think it might be wise to heed the advice on your other thread. It is sadly quite clear from what you write that your partner wants neither marriage nor children with you, but will string you along while he is happy enough.

Well you either trust them, or you don’t. You take a risk and have a point that you will exit the relationship if it isn’t progressing as quickly as you want. That’s the same for marriage, kids.

People are allowed to change their minds though. Someone can be completely trustworthy and change their mind. It’s a risk you take when you decide to start planning a life together.

Yes from my experience the only things you can know about a person are what they do, how they treat you, and how they make you feel.