To just want someone to talk to.

[Whenthechipshitthefan]

I'm just feeling a bit pathetic.
My DH is unhappy. He thinks I'm negative and demanding. Which I am. But that's because he's the only person I have to talk to. And I don't know why I feel that way as he's never been good with emotions.
I can't talk to anyone else. I have a sister who would claim I can talk to her but she turns everything round to my fault.
My mum makes everything even more dramatic. My dad is distant and can't handle any emotions

My friends are lovely but I can't just say to them "I'm so stressed my jaw hurts. I'm so tired I can't think."
DD4 doesn't sleep well. I've had maybe 4 full nights sleep since she was born. We've just had a really unexpected diagnosis for her which tells us nothing and changes nothing but just gives me one more thing to worry about.
Work has its stresses and juggling all the kids school, clubs and work is so tough.
I can't complain- my life is no harder than millions of other working parents but I just want sometimes to be able to go " I'm so tired. I'm just exhausted" and someone reply "it's ok. You can talk to me. Share the burden in your mind."
DH shares the burden practically. He's a 50/50 dad and a 50/50 housework. Mental load is 80/20 to me. And he says when he goes to work he switches off. That work is all he thinks about for 9hours. (I don't know how he does that). But he can't get that when I say I'm tired I don't want him to get annoyed and most of the time I don't want him to say he's tired too. I just want a hug and an "it's ok. It's shit but I'm with you".
Sorry. I think I'm rambling. I just wanted to shout into the ether. I'm so lonely and sad and I'm surrounded by people.

Who does anyone talk to just about daily grind? At this rate I think the next person I'll be talking to is the GP. Or the samaritans. My DC need me. Else I wouldn't be here any more.

First and foremost, you just sound so tired 4+ years of sleep deprivation (I say 4+, as you mention your DD but not sure if you have more DC?) is hellish. Plus the rest. I just want to say I hear you, and I am with you, and I'm so very sorry to hear that your jaw hurts because you are so stressed. Sending you a virtual hug and a handhold.

Why can't you talk to your friends? Surely they want to hear how you feel. Good and bad.

You need someone else to talk to. It’s not fair on either of you to have him as your only sounding board. Do you have ea at work? Lots of employers do- it’s free and confidential.
And definitely look into able futures. 9 months free coaching and support.
https://able-futures.co.uk/

It was this kind of thing that wore me down with my ex. He was not the emotional support I needed or wanted.

I grew up in an emotional empty home too. Do you have a history of just getting on with everything yourself because no one else bothers?

I'm happier without my ex by the way. I'm realising I wasn't wrong for wanting someone to support me. He was just incapable of doing it.

It sounds for various reasons that you can't talk to your DH and your family.

Samaritans can be wonderful; GP can also help (not just with medication but also with signposting).

Mumsnetters are a great bunch.

Why do you feel you can't speak with friends? I don't know your demographic, but I have many friends in the same privileged but knackered situation and they are a godsend.

I understand, you are carrying a heavy load and unfortunately some (most) men aren’t great at just being there for your feelings, they seem driven to fix things and if they can’t they disengage, do you have a friend you can mentally lean on? I find that level of support invaluable and honestly probably wouldn’t still be around if I didn’t have my best friend, we’re such strong support for each other

Sorry, I meant to say 4 nights full sleep since DD arrived, not 4 years. As you can tell - also tired

I have found they can't cope with the bad, which is understandable.

OP if it's any consolation, I mostly talk to my ex boyfriend about my daily grind and I have to stop.

He's being incredibly kind because I'm having a hard time right now but it's not good for me and I have to stop. I just literally stopped today, promised myself I won't do it again.

It is very hard to find people for that but I figure MN is better for that.

Sleep deprivation kills your perspective on things so you have to try and remember that too... extra hard to remember that too.

Oh thank you all so much. I thought no one was going to reply and I think I was in a bit of a doom spiral. Just to hear someone respond in all the varieties of suggestions is like a little lift off ny shoulders.
I do think I need to talk to someone professional/external. Its not fair to put non specific stress on DH. Especially as he shares so many of my stresses. I want our time together to be happy not talking about shitty things.
My friends are wonderful but I dont want to burden them. They have their own problems. I feel its ok to talk about my worries or specific problems to chat through but when it comes down to the overwhelming fatigues and sadness I feel I don't have words or a place to start.

@tortiecat thank you so much. I know we don't know each other but your message made me take the biggest breath out.
@Lamelie you're right. It's not fair on him and its killing our relationship.

And everyone. Thank you. I love him so much and I love my DC. My life appears blessed and I feel ungrateful. But I ache physically and mentally.

Have you tried keeping a journal, where you write some of your thoughts, hopes, dreams for the future ?

Have you tried going for a walk & not thinking about your daily worries ?

Have you tried asking for some extra sleep & you take turns with your DH ?

Are you worrying about things that you don't need to worry about ?

Are there any support groups for families with children that share your child's diagnosis? Sometimes the hive mind of others who have a shared experience can really help.

You sound a bit depressed, which isn't surprising given how very busy you are. Perhaps a visit to the GP would help.
Sending love and virtual hugs to you. Have a good night's sleep if you can.

@Whenthechipshitthefan
It’s not that you shouldn’t tell him your troubles just not that he’s the only ear. Do try the able futures. I have well being responsibilities at work and I’ve heard great reports back from it. And also work related we ask at interview about support networks. Everyone needs them.

Facebook groups might help you here.
they have saved me for years

my kids have numerous disabilities each and neither sleep, they are 19 and 13 but mentally years behind
ive never had a babysitter and neither have slept out overnight

i haven't slept properly in 19 years as both need 24/7 care and the asd and sleeping disorder(separate diagnosed bot just a asd trait) both have was obvious since birth

i also home educate so get zero break as i was forced to be a lone parent by dad in 2020(note lone not single as dad has zero coparenting)as he left us for my ex best friend and hasn't been involved since. he literally left in the middle of the night before that he did 24/7 like me

i ended up having a emotional breakdown(kids were diagnosed with trauma as well caused by dads abandonment) because of it as we were together 22 years, not unhappy or struggling just a normal relationship but with 2 disabled kids
before that he was a perfect partner and dad so his choice came as a massive shock

i also get zero help from family or professionals
its all down to me to heal myself, the kids and deal with everyday disabilities

i get my support from parents who under stand each condition and what lack of sleep does

im also in a nervous breakdown group and a lone parent group, same with home ed as well

in life i have zero close friends as i cant go out and no longer trust anyone but hundreds online

i was diagnosed with my breakdown and sent away the same day
not given anything as i wasn't depressed, mine was caused by extreme stress, betrayal by the 2 people i trusted the most, trauma and mental burnout

ive helped heal my self from herbal remedies and help from support groups and tiktok videos