My kids won’t sit still and it’s driving me insane

[Wotsitsname]

I can never relax and watch the television they are up and down like yo-yos, cartwheeling, dancing, fidgeting, talking, handstands, asking for things. I have no downtime. I run around taking them to clubs and sports activities but they still never give me any peace. One is 12 and the other 9 so they are not babies. Am I being unreasonable to expect them to sit still for a couple of hours in the evening to watch a movie or a tv show?

Not unreasonable. I would start "quiet time" between Xpm and Ypm it's chill out time. Read a book, do some art/craft, if you can't find something to do in quiet time I will find you something to do like clean your room.

Don’t they have any devices to get engrossed in for several hours?

We had ‘flat rest’. So they could lie on their beds (or a sofa) and sleep or do something that didnt involve sitting up. Watching tv counted or reading or hand held devices

YANBU my son is suspected ADHD and finds it really hard to sit still but it's so stressful being next to him jiggling about and I think they either need to be still or go somewhere else. I'm autistic and the constant movement makes me really upset and agitated.

I’m very introverted so perhaps it bothers me more as I really feel that I need some quiet time to rest my brain and I can’t get it. It’s like living in a train station. It doesn’t help that the house is small. Any ideas on enforcing some peaceful time gratefully received. As it stand I try to watch something on the tv and spend the whole time feeling stressed and saying “sit down” “don’t do that”

Do they have any SEN? Their behaviour is unusual for their age imo.

If NT, I see no reason why you can't enforce quiet times of the day or gradually increase the length of their engagement and focus but it will be hard if they are used to behaving like this, unchallenged, for many years.

It might help to establish why they are doing this. If it's to let off steam, could you walk home from school or do something active together before settling down in the evening? If it's to attract your attention, build in some time doing something with each child. If they're bored, or can't sustain concentration, introduce calm activities that require sustained focus - Lego, jigsaws. If it's habit, switch their tv programme off unless they're sitting and watching appropriately.

Is there any where else they can go? It’s good they’re active- do they sit still if it’s something they’re interested in? What are they like at School? Regardless you should be able to something in peace, just not sure about enforced sit down quietly.

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I know how you feel, my step daughter is like this and it makes me so stressed that I get migraines whenever she stays. I need my quiet time, my children are older and are well behaved whereas step daughter is 8 and doesn’t respect my house, rules or anyone living in it including her dad. I sympathise as I only have to go though it occasionally where for you daily is going to be difficult. Could you introduce quiet time at set times of the day, they must read a book or have screen time for example and only during quiet time can they do those things. Get them out walking and playing at the park to burn off energy after. Set some rules and boundaries, at their age they should be capable of sitting quietly for a decent amount of time if asked to.

ADHD??

Can you get a tele in your bedroom and leave them cartwheeling downstairs together?

And what are the consequences when they still won't stop or sit down?

My DC are the same, diagnosed with ADHD, I have to run them like husky dogs for an hour outside and then provide fidget toys galore to get 5 mins sitting down calmly.

Start with an hour. Give them a choice - 'I'm watching this quietly, you can sit quietly with me or go upstairs'.

Prep - get a blanket, drink, snack, book and colouring for each one.

Set out your expectations - we are going to concentrate and have a quiet hour. If you get bored please go upstairs so I can watch to the end.

In general try to get them into some mindful activities - craft, jigsaws, colouring, origami. Quiet activities are very soothing.

New rule - 7pm onwards is sitting still time downstairs, if they aren’t “grown up enough” to do that, they go to bed, they can read in their rooms, but if they want to be up beyond 7pm they sit still. Two warnings and “well you can’t sit still so you are obviously tired because you are so fidgety. Time for bed.”

They will probably piss about in their rooms, but at least gives you peace.

My dc can spend ages playing games on tablets etc but they rarely watch tv and if I tried to watch something myself they could never sit quietly.

Do you mean you want to watch something all together or are you watching tv and they are interrupting? I don’t know if that’s realistic tbh.

I have a 10 year old just like you describe. It is exhausting. I suspect adhd and I have started the 1st steps for getting him referred.
The constant movement, bouncing balls, hanging off me, jumping off me, talking at me, can't find stuff, can't tie stuff , always needing........... drives me insane. Also an introvert, and single parent so it's difficult to get the down time . His twin is the complete opposite.

Nothing to advise , sorry, you are not alone.

You aren't being unreasonable to want some quiet time, but you are being unreasonable to expect a 9 and 12 year old to sit quietly watching a programme that doesn't interest them. Give them something else to do.

"Mummy is watching x now, please tidy your room/wash up/put your clothes away/do your homework/practice spellings/times tables" or can you all do something together that isn't TV? Board game or cards?

It’s possible the younger has adhd but I would never get a diagnosis as they are fine at school. A lot of it is needy attention seeking behaviour I think. my kids have always been like this. I mean sit and watch some family programs together not me watching they twiddle their thumbs. The eldest is super social and doesn’t stop talking and the younger super active and won’t stay still.

Thank you for the suggestion of doing something else like board games etc but we do that sometimes, what I mean is I would like some tiny amount of downtime/peaceful time in their company not me entertaining them 24/7

DS1 is like this. He has an autism diagnosis and the behaviour was described as ‘sensory seeking’ so we do attempt to give him things to fiddle with but it’s a great deal of ‘DS1 sit down, now!’. I’d be surprised at it in a neurotypical child. Do they just need a long walk every day (DS2, probably neurotypical, gets the fidgets massively if he’s not gone out…much though he would deny it!).

I have a 10 year old just diagnosed with adhd and a 4 year old who is a typical 4 year old so I feel your pain.

How about trying to set up an activity such as drawing/jigsaw etc in the room
Where you are trying to watch the tv so they can be occupied doing a quiet activity at the same time? Then they can listen and half watch while doing something that keeps them still ish?

Otherwise I'd second if they can't sit and watch it then they can go and entertain themselves elsewhere?

Probably a very obvious suggestion but will they sit better if they have a snack to eat? Fruit, popcorn etc?

They need to learn this as a skill.

Reading books
colouring
yoga
meditation.

All this ‘active’ kids is great but they literally never learn to be quiet!

You need to give them some encouragement to be quite and calm -

The alternative is the send them to their rooms earlier - so you get some peace

Thank you I agree this is a skill they seem to be lacking and it requires practice. I think with YouTube and iPads and everything so fast paced it has resided their brains in the wrong way

Work on this . Look up silent games. There’s loads you can do to help them settle.